Female Orgasm - How to Know If You've Had An Orgasm

Have you ever heard someone say, if you've had an orgasm, you will know. Let us know in the comments down below if someone's ever said that to you. It's one of the most common things that people hear about orgasm. And here's the thing, it is not true. Orgasms can be really subtle, and especially if you're at the beginning of your orgasm journey, you haven't really had a lot of orgasms. They're definitely not this like over the top, explosive, super obvious thing that so many of us are taught to expect. So if you're somebody who's struggling with your orgasm, maybe you've never had one, you're not sure, like, how do you know if you've actually had an orgasm? We actually asked our Instagram audience and 50% of women said that they are not sure if they've ever had an orgasm. So today we are gonna be sharing with you how you can actually know whether or not you've had an orgasm, and some stories from women describing their own orgasms.

But first, if you're brand new to our channel, we want to say, hi, we're Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist and I'm just a regular dude, happens to be married to this wonderful sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years.

And our channel is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you are interested in that, go ahead and hit that subscribe button so you make sure you get notified about all of our videos.

All right, so the very first thing that that we want to do is normalize the fact that it is fine if you don't know if you've not had an orgasm or if you have had an orgasm. Who knows? It is totally fine to just be unsure if you have or haven't. The reality is we are not complete masters of our own body. We are not in complete control. So it's not like, you know, it's not like we have this heads up display where it's like, orgasm check.

That would be interesting.

No, we just have to kind of read the signs and do our best to interpret what's going on.

And I think the reason that this can be so confusing for so many women is that our expectations can be really off. Like we're taught to believe that orgasm is going to be like, I was saying a minute ago, like this massive, really obvious experience. I mean, you are always hearing this phrase, like, oh, you'll know that you had one, like, it's totally unmistakable. But the reality is, like when you're first learning how to have an orgasm, your first orgasms are going to be pretty small. They're going to be pretty underwhelming, pretty unsatisfying, which really creates that sense of not knowing whether or not you act actually had one.

So another reason that makes it so difficult to know if you've had an orgasm is that orgasms are really like snowflakes. No, two are like, so you can have a big orgasm versus a small orgasm. Anything in between. Sometimes an orgasm feels like it's centered around your genitals. Sometimes it feels like it's spread throughout your whole body or kind of like waves of pleasure throughout your whole body. Sometimes you might feel a sense of relief afterwards or release. Sometimes you might not.

Yeah. And the same woman can have their different orgasms from one day to the next.

Oh yeah.

Like once you discover it, like that's always what your orgasm feels like.

Yeah. I mean, as a man, I can say that's what it's like for me as well. Some days it's huge, some days I don't. I expect to have a huge one and it's a tiny one. Sometimes I'm like, you know, expect. It's like, you know, we're having a quickie and all of a sudden it's like, whoa, where'd that come from?

I catch you off guard sometimes. Yeah. Okay, so how can you know? Let's go over some of the physiological signs that can happen in your body when you do orgasm. And first of all, I just want to be super clear that not all of these signs are going to happen. You may go your entire life having orgasms and not experience any of these signs. But these are some of the most common ones that do come up for women. So the first is involuntary muscular contractions in your vagina and your rectum. So if it feels like your muscles are pulsating, but you're not doing anything to do that, that's one of the most sure fire signs that you've had an orgasm. But again, this is not something that happens with every single orgasm. So if you never feel contractions, it doesn't mean that you haven't had an orgasm.

Yeah. So another sign is sensitivity or a feeling that you kind of need to stop.

Yeah. So if your partner has been like stimulating you and you're just like, whoa, stop, like, get off, time to stop. Like, that's a pretty good sign that you've had one. Another one can Be that your clitoris actually feels like it's pulsating. So this can be pretty similar to those muscular contractions in the vagina that I was talking about a minute ago. But for some women, it feels like more centered around the clitoris itself.

Yeah. You also just might not feel interested in continuing or having any more sex or whatever stimulation you are having. So one moment you're all enjoying it, and then all of a sudden, it's like, okay, enough.

The next sign is what's called the sex flush. So this is almost like a rash. It's not like.

Not itchy.

Yeah. Not a huge irritation or anything like that. But it's like a redness that a lot of women will get on your chest. Sometimes it can spread up onto your face. So if you find yourself going, like, beet red, like you worked out really hard or you're really embarrassed, that can be another.

You might also release some extra lubrication.

You might get goosebumps.

Your heart rate might really escalate. It feels like it's kind of going through the roof.

Your breathing patterns can change. So you might go from having really fast, shallow breaths to slow, deep ones or vice versa.

And I know this is a little bit conflicting, but you might feel either exhausted or energized.

Yeah, a lot of women tend to go into, like, one camp or the other. For me, I always get pretty energized afterwards.

I get pretty exhausted. It's a good combo.

All right, now we want to address one thing that a lot of women think is a sign that they've had an orgasm, but it is not, and that is squirting. So a lot of people are talking about squirting these days. A lot of women are feeling pressured to have to do it. But the reality is that squirting and orgasm are two separate processes. So you can orgasm without squirting, you can squirt without orgasming. It's not the same thing. So definitely don't feel like the only way to prove to yourself or to your partner that you. That you've had an orgasm is if you squirt. It's just not the truth. All right, so now let's talk about some real women's descriptions of what orgasm feels like for them. We went over, like, the physiological signs, but we were kind of curious to hear women actually describe this process. And a lot of the responses that we got were very poetic. So sweet. Yeah. Here are some of our favorite ones.

All right, so the first description is, it feels as though your whole body elevates an explosion of a million stars rushes up through your body, then suddenly dissipates in the most comfortable cal. You can't think or feel anything in the moment of highest ecstasy because the rush of hormones and nerve endings is too strong. Man, we really started with this strongly poetic one.

I know, right? Okay, next one is. It feels like an airplane landing. That anticipation coasting in the air, waiting for the wheels to touch down. The release of finally making contact, slowly coming to a stop.

Oh, it feels like using a Q tip in your ear and you hit that random spot that feels so good, you can't stop. That's a good one. I kind of know. I know what they're talking about here.

All right, different end of the spectrum here. It feels like a mosquito bite that you're trying not to itch. And then the feeling is like when you finally itch it, and it feels so good that you just keep itching until it feels better. As somebody whose legs are currently covered in mosquito bites, I very much understand this one.

All right, so another one is. It feels like a building wave that all of a sudden crashes and spreads throughout my whole body. So actually, this wave metaph was a super, super common one.

I think it was the most common one that people spoke about. Yeah. All right, next one is. I feel it in my heart. Like, it has big French doors that get flung open. Ooh, poetry.

That's really nice. All right, and then on the flip side, it's like a sneeze. You feel the buildup, then bam, you sneeze, and it's over.

All right, and here are some other, like, signs a little less poetic, but other signs that women pointed to feeling a rush of adrenaline. Lightheaded. Some woman said, I know I had an orgasm. When I start laughing uncontrollably, I usually shed a few tears. My toes cramp, my ears start ringing, and I go dumb afterwards.

I've never heard of toes cramping.

Oh, yeah. Like, sometimes you curl your toes really hard.

Yeah, no, I mean, I definitely relate with that. I just didn't know there were any muscles in there to cramp. All right, so that wraps up our video about how to know whether you've had an orgasm or not. We really hope you like this video. If you. So please give it a. Like, a thumbs up. Hit that red button to subscribe to our YouTube channel and click the notification icon so you can keep getting these videos as soon as we post them.

Also, if you are interested in learning more about orgasm, we have a ton of resources for you. Teaching women how to orgasm is kind of my jam. So we've got so much stuff available to you. The thing that we wanted to call out today is our brand new blockage Blind Spotter quiz. So this quiz is for you. If you want to experience more pleasure in the bed. Maybe you kind of have this sense of like, I don't know, with all the fusses about sex, like it's just kind of bleh. So if you feel like I want to feel more pleasure, but I just don't know what's getting in the way of me feeling pleasure, the Blockage Blind Spotter quiz is for you. It's just a couple of quick questions, completely confidential and anonymous, but you will very quickly identify what is the specific blockage that's preventing you from experiencing more pleasure in the bedroom. And you will get what you're now next steps are. So check that out. We'll put a link to the quiz. It's absolutely free and it'll be down in the description box below. Thanks so much for watching.

See you next time.