Female ORGASM Issues! How To Support Your Female Partner With Her ORGASM

A few weeks ago, I posted a video about how to talk to your male partner about his performance issues in the bedroom. This week I'm back with a similar kind of concept, but this time I'm focusing on female orgasm, one of my all time favorite topics to talk about. If your female partner has been struggling to orgasm, this video will help you be the most supportive, wonderful partner that you can be in her journey to learning how to orgasm. Hey there. I'm Vanessa Marin. I'm a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationship therapy. I've spent the last 15 years working with thousands of people and I've served as a featured expert for major magazines and websites like the New York Times, oh, the Oprah Magazine, Real simple, and many more. Most importantly, I am the creator of Finishing School, an online course that teaches women how to have their very first orgasms on their own and with their partners. And I've also struggled with my own orgasm. So I really understand these challenges on a personal level too. My mission is to equip you with the tools that you need to create an extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So in this video I'm going to explain exactly what to do and what to say if you have a female partner who is experiencing any sort of struggles with her orgasm. So I'm going to discuss some of the cultural misconceptions and myths about female orgasm and talk about how we set women back from being able to experience our peak pleasure. And I'm going to offer you plenty of solutions for helping your partner have a more pleasurable and enjoyable sex life. So if you're ready to support your woman on her orgasmic journey, you are definitely going to want to keep watching this video. So your lady has been struggling with her orgasm. Maybe she just told you that she's been faking a lot of her orgasms, or maybe she's been really upfront with you right from the get go that her orgasms are far and few between, or maybe that she's never even had one. Either way, whatever the particular story is for you guys, I'm willing to bet that neither one of you are feeling particularly great about yourselves. So I want to give you five steps for supporting your female partner on her orgasmic journey. Step number one, get your female orgasm facts straight before you dive into the specifics of your partner's orgasmic challenges. It's really important for you to understand how the female orgasm works. There's so much misinformation, so many myths about female orgasm, and it really Prevents all of us from being able to experience more pleasure and from you as her partner, from being able to support her in experiencing more pleasure. So, most important thing for you to know here. Did you know that the vast majority of women require sustained clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm? Or that penetration doesn't often feel that great for women and very, very rarely leads to. To orgasm? Female orgasm is truly all about the clitoris. The clitoris is the only part of the human body that has no purpose whatsoever other than pleasure. And it has two to three times the amount of nerve endings just in that little teeny tiny clitoris as the entire penis has. It's also the biological equivalent of the head of the penis. So just like we expect that men need penile stimulation to reach orgasm, that that's the most sensitive part of their bodies. And we should expect that women need clitoral stimulation because this is the most sensitive part of our bodies. Now, one of the biggest myths about orgasm is that women are just supposed to be able to orgasm from penetration alone. Like, she shouldn't need anything else other than a few thrusts. And if you watch TV or movies, it literally is a few thrusts. But that is just not how women's bodies work. Like I said a second ago, the clitoris has 8 to 9,000 nerve endings. But when we're talking about penetration, we're talking about getting stimulation in the vagina. Want to know how many nerve endings the vagina has? There is not even a proper scientific tally. That is how few there are. I mean, seriously, imagine how much more painful childbirth would be if we had way more nerve endings in our vaginas. No, not going to go there. This myth stems from a belief that women's bodies are supposed to operate the same way men's bodies do. If intercourse works for men, it should work for women, right? But intercourse for a woman is the biological equivalent of a man getting his perfect prostatic utricle stimulated. I am willing to bet that you have no freaking clue what the prostatic utricle is or even where in the body that's located. But if we want to make this comparison a little bit easier, it would be like, let's say that intercourse, we defined intercourse, or we defined sex as a man getting his testicles rubbed. Like, sure, it might feel good, it might be kind of fun, but for the vast majority of people, it's not going to be enough stimulation to lead to orgasm. That's what intercourse is like for women. So penetration can be fun for women. A lot of women Love having intercourse. But in order for us to reach orgasm, we typically need to have clitoral stimulation in addition to the penetration. It definitely doesn't help that as a culture we have this idea, these stereotypes that women's pleasure is so difficult and so complicated. We even make fun of the clitoris, like, where is it? It's so hard to find, you know, but it's, you know, really, it's frustrating, and it's enough to make any woman want to just give up on orgasm entirely. Now, if you haven't checked out my video, How Women can Orgasm from Sex, the number one thing you need to know definitely make sure to go check that out. I go into many more details about the anatomy and all the science of female orgasm. Plus, I tell you exactly how women can orgasm during sex. So I'll put the link to that video right up here. Once you get a better understanding of how the female body works, how female orgasm actually works, you're probably going to find that navigating your partner's orgasm issues are going to be way easier than you thought. Bottom line, if you want her to orgasm, you both need to work on finding the kind of clitoral stimulation that works for her body and making sure she gets it each and every single time you guys are intimate. Step number two, be her teammate. One of the best things that you can do for your female partner is to truly be her teammate. Orgasm issues can actually be an incredible exploration for the two of you. If you approach it with curiosity, with an open mind, you're both going to have the opportunity to learn how to bring each other even more pleasure and experience even more connection. You can treat it like this huge bummer, and it's so frustrating and annoying, and your sex life is going to be frustrating and annoying, but if you can go into it with the right attitude, it can actually be one of the greatest bonding experiences of your entire relationship. So what you want to do here is help her understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her if she's been struggling to orgasm on her own or with you. You can also apologize to her if you've ever been kind of harsh or pushy in the past. Odds are that you wanted to be a supportive partner to her. You wanted to know that you can pleasure her, but it may have accidentally come out to her as feeling pressuring or judgmental. And so you want to just make sure you kind of go back to those moments and say, hey, I'm really sorry if I ended up making you feel badly about your orgasm. I Want to be your teammate from here on out. Let her know that you care about her pleasure, but that you're not going to press pressure her for it to take the specific form of an orgasm. If you can focus more on pleasure generally rather than orgasm specifically, it's going to help both of you feel so much better. I promise. It can also be incredibly helpful to let your partner know that she has all the time in the world when the two of you are together. A lot of us women really struggle with feeling like our orgasm takes too long or it takes too much effort, and that we worry that our partners are getting bored, they're not really enjoying themselves, they're feeling impatient. And so if she could hear some sort of verbal affirmation from you that you're there with her, you're enjoying yourself, it doesn't matter how long it takes, that can really be one of the best ways for her to relax and enjoy herself. And lastly, remember that you can still have an active and satisfying sex life even without orgasms. There are still plenty of ways to connect. There's still plenty of fun to be had, even if it doesn't end in an orgasm. The fact that she doesn't have an orgasm in those final few seconds because it doesn't erase all the fun that you guys could have together in that entire interaction. Step number three. Encourage your partner to explore her own body. So I love to tell my clients and the students in my online course finishing school that in order to learn how to have consistent orgasms both on her own and with her partner, a woman needs to have a masturbation routine. This can be really tricky for so many women because we are brought up believing that masturbation is simple, sinful or gross, weird or wrong. So men, on the other hand, you know, you might get a little eye roll or a little slap on the wrist kind of thing. But generally we tend to view male masturbation with this kind of like boys will be boys type of attitude. Women, on the other hand, we're supposed to be, you know, pure and wholesome and innocent. And female masturbation is weird and icky and wrong. We're even taught to believe that our bodies are gross and icky and weird and we shouldn't want to be exploited. But if you can encourage your partner to take the time to explore her own body, she will be so much more likely to feel confidence and clarity over her orgasm. Plus, if your partner is consistently masturbating on her own, she's going to be honing in on the techniques that bring her the most pleasure. If she's been struggling to achieve consistent orgasms, consistent masturbation will give her the knowledge and the language to explain what works for her body and teach you how to get her there, too. Step number four, Consistency is key. At the end of the day, your partner's orgasm issues are not going to just magically disappear. I wish I could wave a little magic wand and have her be orgasming whenever she wants to. But the reality is that it's going to require consistent checking in, consistent practice, and consistent feedback to help her move past her anxiety and into having reliable orgasms on her own and with you. So not only is it going to require this consistent effort to overcome her orgasmic struggles, the actual act of female orgasm itself also requires a lot of consistency. You may not know that in the female orgasmic process, women typically hit a plateau phase. So your partner may be enjoying herself, getting closer and closer to orgasm, but then it feels like her pleasure just kind of flatlines, like it's not going anywhere. That is the plateau phase. It doesn't feel like your pleasure is rising. It just feels like you're kind of stuck. So a lot of women give up in this stage. She may even tell you, like, it's not gonna happen. Just move along because she feels like she's stuck. But the thing about the plateau phase is that it's actually where her arousal and her excitement have reached the highest point and her body's just hanging out there preparing for orgasm. So it's not that she's stuck and it's not gonna happen. It's just that she needs to learn to, like, ride out that plateau because she is going to have an orgasm. So what you want to do is make sure you give her the time for that phase to last a little bit. You don't want to let her give up. Tell her again, I'm enjoying myself. I've got all the time in the world for you. Let yourself just relax and receive this. So the thing that a lot of partners get wrong about the plateau phase is you think things are going nowhere. She's kind of stuck. So you feel like you've got to mix everything up and try a whole bunch of new techniques. So a lot of people will end up doing a whole bunch of different things to their partner. But all that that does is just gets her body confused. It's sort of like each time you start over and try something different, it's like her body is starting over at the bottom of that arousal process again. And she has to work her way back up. So rather than feeling like you've got to jump around and try out a whole bunch of different techniques, a lot of people also try to do this when they're impressing trying to impress their partner. Instead of doing that, just stick with the technique that's seems to be working for her and be consistent. Keep doing that stimulation until she asks you to change something up or until she has an orgasm. So again, don't get too tricky about this. Find something that works and stay consistent. Stick with it. Stay consistent. Your partner will overcome her orgasmic struggles both in the moment and overall. Step number five Be patient. It takes time and practice. Practice and patience to learn how to orgasm. For her to orgasm on her own and for her to learn how to orgasm with you. Women typically spend months, sometimes even years figuring out what works for their bodies before they can consistently have orgasms on their own and with their partner. And when a woman is first learning how to orgasm, an individual session itself can take upwards of 60, sometimes even 90 minutes in order for her to have her first orgasm. When she's learning how to orgasm with you, that timeline is going to be pretty long as well. But over time, with patience, practice, consistency, you absolutely can shrink that timeline down. So it's not like it's going to take her an hour to have an orgasm every single time. I'm just saying be prepared in those early stages for it to take a really long time. Don't freak out. You will definitely close that gap. Make it a much shorter window if you can both stay patient and enjoy the ride. Let's Learning how to orgasm together will be one of the greatest things the two of you ever do. So that wraps up my top five tips for how to support your female partner if she is struggling with her orgasm. If you like this video, please give it a like or better yet, leave a comment down below. Let me know which of these five tips surprised you the most. Make sure to hit that red button to subscribe to my YouTube channel and get notified by clicking that notification icon. That way you are miss any videos. And finally, I have a little gift for you. If you and your partner have never really talked about sex openly, the idea of even starting to support her with her orgasm might feel kind of overwhelming. So I have a free guide called how to talk about sex with your partner, even if you never have before. So I give you word for word scripts for how to get the conversation going, plus tons and tons of tips for how to tackle this without feeling overwhelmed. I'll put a link to that guide in the description box down below. And finally, if you're interested in checking out, finishing school could make a great gift for the lady in your life. I will also put a link to that in the description box down below too. Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you next time.