This content was created by Vanessa Marin. This content was uploaded by Vanessa Marin. This is a YouTube video titled "Going to a Sex Club... But Not Telling My Partner – Is That Cheating?" created on May 13, 2025. It features a conversation between Xander Marin and Vanessa Marin discussing the ethical implications of attending a sex club without informing one's partner, exploring themes of trust, emotional infidelity, and relationship boundaries.
Chapters
I'm curious about going to a sex club. Not to have an experience myself there or meet anyone, but just to observe and understand what the vibe is. It's something I want to experience by myself, but is it cheating to not tell my partner before I go? We don't care about each other watching porn, but is it different because it's in person? I wouldn't tell him before going to see a movie I want to see by myself. But is this different? If I told him about it, he'd want to join out of curiosity, not lack of trust. And I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying that it's just something I want to explore on my own. Woo.
I know. These are good, right?
Wow. Wow. I got some qu. I mean, do we want to go straight into our snap judgment or like, I got some. I got some questions. Okay, well, for this person, you got.
To turn it over to me to give my Snapchat.
Let's go, girl.
Okay, so my hot take is, I would say this is cheating if you go and don't tell your partner about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with this though, if you just want to go to us. But it's kind of. I kind of don't trust you entirely, though. You're like, I don't want to do anything. I just want to see what the vibe is.
Like.
Like, really? That's really all you want to do? So, you know, but what's interesting to me is like, this person says, like, my partner wouldn't. It's not that there would be a trust issue. It's not like he'd say, well, I have to go with you because I don't trust that you could, you know, not do something there. So then I'm like, okay, if that's the case, then just fucking tell him and say like, hey, it's just a one experience that, like, I'd like to just try for my own at first. So if your partner. So it seems to me like the partner would not object to them going by themselves. And I'm like, but they might.
They might be insistent that, hey, I want to do this with you, because I also would like this.
I mean, I guess if they do have some sort of like, interesting understanding here, like, I guess you could just say, I'd really like to check this out by myself first and then maybe we can go together afterwards. Then again, I kind of come back to the. Like, I'm not sure I fully trust you. Like, why is it that you Want to go by yourself so bad and.
You don't want to go. You seemingly don't. You actively don't want to go with your partner.
Don't want your partner to be there. Which just like, what's up with that? Sets my little antenna Spidey sense. Yeah, what's up with that?
Sexy spideys.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to go to a sex club. I don't think there's anything wrong with just wanting to like observe and see what it's like and you know, not necessarily participate. Although there are some sex clubs that would not be okay with that. Like they have kind of rules about, about the vibe. But yeah, I'm like, why, why wouldn't you want to go with your partner? It seems a little off to me.
Yeah. Yeah.
What are your questions?
Well, that, that was my main question. Why don't you want to go with your partner? Yeah, like what is. I would really want to get to the bottom of what is coming up for you where you, you so badly. Don't you so badly want to go. You don't want to go with your partner. And in fact it seems like you want to go by yourself so bad that, that you are bending over backwards, tying yourself in knots, trying to find a way to justify going by yourself so that you can guarantee that you get to go by yourself. Because if you. It sounds like you have a great partner with that is like, like open minded and whatnot. And it's like, because the simple, the very simple thing to do here would be literally go tell your partner this. Hey, like I've been fantasizing. Sounds really hot. Maybe I would like to go with you in the future. There's something about like I want to have this experience of just watching on my own that I would like love to fulfill that experience for myself. Would you be open to that? Right. And like there's a high likelihood your partner goes, okay. Yeah. Hearing it like that. Yeah, like, and I, you know, not assuming we are going to go together. Sure, I'll let you do that. But like it would. It sounds super hot to go with you. I would love for you to feel comfortable with this. But there is a chance that your partner would say no. This person has obviously done that calculus in their head and it. I'm pro, I might be reading into this. But to me this sounds like you've convinced yourself that there's a good chance your partner will say no. Maybe for good reason. I don't know. And you so Badly do not want to actually be told that you can't go to know that it's off the table. You're bending over backwards trying to justify why you could go. So I think that that is. That's probably a bit problematic.
Would you count this as cheating if they go without telling their partner?
I would. I mean, I would call it, like, emotional infidelity. And so I guess it's like, you know, we're saying cheating is definitely actual, like, physical infidelity. And, you know, emotional infidelity is tricky because there's a whole range of. Of things there. But, yeah, I mean, it's. It's. It's getting there. It's just. It's so hard. I don't know. Like, it's certainly emotional infidelity. Yeah, it's.
Emotional infidelity counts as infidelity.
Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, infidelity. But, yeah. Cheating, infidelity. Are we saying those are interchangeable? Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, then, yeah, we're really getting to the semantics here.
I think so. And I think the other thing I would say to this person is like, yeah, I get it. You guys don't care about each other watching porn. Sure. That is a totally valid agreement to have. But here's the thing. You guys have an agreement about that. It sounds like you have an explicit agreement. We are both okay with this. Therefore, we have talked about this, and we are okay with it. Where you get into trouble is when you start to extrapolate. Yeah. Okay, so we talked about A. A is like B, so B is probably okay. Right. Like, it would be unreasonable for them to get upset with me. And that's where things start to get tricky. So, you know, and yeah, I would just say this whole thing of, like, I wouldn't tell him before going to see a movie I want by myself. Is this any different? It is.
This is completely.
This is completely different. There's. There's a sexual layer to this that doesn't exist. I mean, I guess you could argue, oh, well, I go see a radar movie with sex scenes, and, like, that's not a problem. But I mean, we kind of generally just socially. It's socially accepted that in the movies you're going to see sex and maybe a little bit of nudity, and it's not porn, so it's just a different thing. So, yeah, I think, you know, that porn argument is kind of. It's neither here nor there. It's. It's problematic that you're trying to take that to justify one or two more steps down the road. But again, it just gets back to the importance of talking about all the things and not just one of the things. I think a lot of people have that porn conversation and then go, oh, okay, cool. So that must therefore mean that A is okay and C is not okay, but D is okay and E is, oh, you know, I don't know, then. And that's where things get tricky, and that's where the gray is.
