A short conversational advice video in which sex educator Vanessa Marin addresses 'mopey energy' stemming from unequal sexual desire in long-term partnerships. Marin normalizes disappointment around mismatched libido, encourages adult, non-manipulative expression (use 'bummed' rather than 'disappointed'), and advocates open, practice-based sexual communication and mutual respect.
Chapters
Let's talk about mopey energy around sex while my husband does some chore play in the background. First of all, I want to give this person props for having the self awareness to ask this question in the first place and to recognize that as adults, mopey energy doesn't get us anything that we want in any area of our life. Here's one of the trickiest things about sex. Disappointment is always going to be a part of your sex life. You are never going to find a partner who wants sex at the exact same time you do every single time. So we have to learn as couples how to navigate those tricky moments when one person initiates and the other person just isn't into it. So if you initiate and your partner's not open to being intimate, you are allowed to have some feelings about that. You're allowed to feel bummed out. But the key here is finding adult and mature ways to express that disappointment. So I actually don't recommend using the word disappointment because it can feel pretty loaded and triggering for some partners. I like to use the word bummed. Like I feel bummed that we are not going to be able to connect tonight. And this is the important part. And I completely understand and respect your decision. You're making it clear to your partner that you're not trying to use your disappointment as a way to manipulate them into taking other action. Now, as the partner, it might be difficult for you to hear your partner saying, I feel bummed or I feel disappointed. You are allowed to have those feelings too. Like, it's hard for me to hear that you're bummed out. And I respect that those are your feelings. These conversations are really hard, especially if you don't have experience talking about this stuff openly with each other. It's just so much better to get used to talking about these experiences, talking through these moments out loud. Like when you express your feelings in that way, it just takes the power away from them. Tap that follow button and let us know down in the comments if you have ever experienced this mopey energy.
