Vanessa and Xander Marin walk through the 69 position step by step. Start clothed to get comfortable, use pillows to handle height differences, and try the side-by-side version if the standard setup doesn't work. They stress consent and that it's okay if it's not for you.
Questions this video answers
August 16, 2022
About one foot (Xander: "I'm a foot taller than she is").
Chapters
You can't start a video, ah, 69ing, one of the most infamous sex positions.
Some people love it, some people hate it, but it's an icon for a reason.
So in this video, we are giving you a primer about what this position is and some of our favorite tips for 69ing to your heart's content. So before we get into it, we want to know, have you ever 69 before? So if you have, leave us a 69 down in the comments.
And if you're brand new to our channel, then it wouldn't be right for us to start without saying hello, this is Vanessa. I'm Zandra Marin. She's a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you are interested in that, then just go ahead and hit that subscribe button. All right, so let's talk about what 69ing is. So a lot of people actually don't know. So this is a no shame zone. Let me break it down for you and explain it to you. So 69ing is when one partner lays on their back and the other partner lays on top of them, facing the opposite direction. So you're giving each other oral sex at the same time. Your body's, like, kind of resemble the 69 sort of. If you think about, like, the little loop of the six and the nine as being the head and the tail as being like, our feet, you're sort of in that general position. So in this position, your genitals are supposed to line up with each other's mouths for oral sex. But more on that later if you don't exactly match up with your partner.
All right, so here are some of our favorite tips and tricks for successful 69 in. All right, so first of all, you got to figure out, is it actually going to work for you while you are clothed? First, we generally recommend trying things like this with your clothes on, not while you're in the middle of having sex, because it can obviously be a little stressful. You're getting hot and heavy, and then you try something new that you're not even sure is going to work. And you're trying to get into position. Someone's maybe losing an erection or something like that. You lose some steam in the middle. That's no fun. So try it with your clothes on. The reality is, if you have a sizable height difference, it just may not work. Honestly, it's something Vanessa and I Struggle with, I'm a foot taller than she is. However, if there is a big height difference, try the taller person on the bottom lying on their back, maybe with some pillows or blankets, or like a sex wedge underneath their hips. That can help bridge some of that gap, so to speak. It'll make your genitals a more accessible for the shorter partner.
Okay, so I just described. 69 is like one partner laying on their back because that tends to be the most common position that people do it in. But you absolutely can do it on your sides as well. That can be a lot more comfortable and a lot more doable for some people. So give that a shot too.
You can also keep the lights down low if you're feeling self conscious about the view that your partner may be getting.
Because you're all up in there when you're in 69. So you can turn those lights down. You can also use your hands. So it is an oral sex position, but that doesn't mean that you can't use your hands.
Oh, yeah.
And actually using your hands can be a great tip because this position is kind of tricky, so you're not going to be able to give oral sex the way that you usually do. So your technique really suffers because you're trying to get into this position. But if you use your hands, that allows you to create more stimulation on your partner.
We also recommend taking turns focusing on giving versus receiving, because a lot of people report that it can feel really distracting in the moment. It can be hard to really fully receive while you're trying to give, or you feel like, God, I can't really give a very good blowjob or give very good oral sex while I'm also distracted receiving it. So that's a good tip there.
Yeah, that's another one where, you know, typically we think of 69 as both partners doing each other at the same time. But, like, it's your sex life. You can be flexible. Switch it up a little bit. If you don't like giving and receiving at the same time, you can stay in the position, but you take turns giving and receiving, so you really get to focus on what you're doing.
Yeah. And you also don't need to do 69 from start to finish. I think a lot of people get caught up in, oh, let's do 69, thinking, like, we start that way and we both have to have an orgasm that way. It can be something that you spend your entire session doing. It can also be something that you just do for like, 30 seconds and then move on to other activities.
And at the end of the day, if you give it a try and you're not really that into it, that is totally fine. A lot of people really don't like 69. It just does not work for them. So totally okay if you are a part of that group. All right, well, that wraps up our quick little primer on 69ing.
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