How To Clean Up After Sex - After Sex Hygiene That Doesn't Kill The Mood

No, I can't start a video later. Does it look like I'm wearing like a janitorial suit?

A little bit. A fancy janitorial suit.

This is the closest that I could get.

Fashion janitor.

Oh, fashion janitor.

Fashion janitorial.

Today we are talking about the post sex cleanup. I really, I've got to get myself like a little costume closet for our YouTube videos now, but this is the closest I can do.

Or are you trying to say this would not work well with bodily fluids?

No, this is what I would wear to clean up the post sex cleanup. Alright, so let's face it, sex is messy.

Yep.

When you have sex, at least when you're having good sex, the limbs are flying around, things are getting hot and heavy body fluids, they're going all over the place. Right. So it's really easy to get wrapped up in the moment and not really cake or notice, you know, how messy things have gotten until you're finished. Or could be the opposite for you. You might find yourself getting so focused on like, oh, I don't want to make a mess and stuff's starting to happen that you really have a hard time enjoying yourself in the moment. So we want to talk today about the mess. How much mess can you expect? Do you clean it up or do you pretend that it just doesn't exist? How exactly do you clean up? Like, what is necessary, what's needed? So today we are getting into all the nitty gritty details of the post sex cleanup.

Because let's be honest, no one ever teaches you about this.

Exactly. These are some of our favorite kinds of topics to talk about. Because who else goes into step by step details of how to clean up after sex?

Who else? We do. All right, so if you're brand new to our channel, then. Hi, we're talking about messy sex today. We're Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist and we've been together for 313 years.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So please go ahead and hit that subscribe button. It really helps our channel out, helps us grow, reach even more people, teach the masses how to do the post sex cleanup.

Alright, so let's get into it. First of all, we just want to normalize that sex does require cleanup and that is nothing at all to be ashamed of. I think with movies and stuff we have this idea of like, oh, you know, like she jumps on top and 10 seconds later, like they're lying in bed, having a cigarette and that's it.

That's always bothered me so much. I remember like you, you know, people always just roll over afterwards and they just lay back and relax. And I remember when I first started having sex, I thought something was horribly wrong with me because I could not do that. Like there were fluids that dripping out. Like I had to jump up and run to the bathroom. And I really remember thinking there was something so wrong with me because of that.

Yeah. I feel like every now and then in a movie or a TV show, they do show a sex scene that feels a little more realistic and people freak out. They're like, oh, my God. They showed them like using a Kleenex or something.

So, yeah, the reality, what happens to the condom too. You just roll over and leave the used condom on your, like, rapidly deflating penis.

Yeah. So we're not recommending that.

No, we're not.

All right, so you know, you are shooting fluids in and out of your bodies during sex. That's what sex is. So of course some fluids are going to work their way out of your body and maybe onto the bed, onto whatever. Wherever you are having sex, things get messy. And especially if you're having anal or period sex or you're using lube, like.

There is a heterosexual couple that's not using a condom.

Yeah. It is an inevitability that bodily fluids will get suctioned somewhere.

All right, so we also want to say too that there's nothing inherently gross or dirty about bodily fluids. I think a lot of us get really freaked out about this. We hear about this a lot when we talk about oral sex, but they're just bodily fluids. They're like your saliva. You know, it's normal. Our bodies create these fluids. They're normal, they're natural. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Yeah. And I think most people really are into bodily fluids because they're into it in the moment. It implies that things are sexy and things are happening. I think it's very easy to get our heads about, oh, well, this per, you know, my partner must hate it. And then all of a sudden it's this downward spiral. All right, so you don't have to ruin the mood to clean up. It is possible to flip the script and have cleanup actually be a sensual experience, which is what we're going to talk about a little bit later in this video.

All right, so let's talk about some healthy post sex practices. So the first one is to make sure that you pee right afterwards. If you are a vulva owner.

Something you never see in the movies.

Exactly. Ye. This helps to just flush out your system. It helps avoid UTIs because your urethra and your vaginal canal are very close together. It's really easy for bacteria to get pushed up your urethra. So it's just a good idea to pee afterwards to flush it right out. We always get a bunch of questions about this, like, well, what if I've just done this, but not this? And what if it was just, you know, all this stuff?

What if we, what if we used a condom?

What if we whatever, just pee there? It doesn't cost anything. It doesn't take any energy. Like just go pee. If you've had any sort of contact in this area, just go pee afterwards. Be on the safe side.

You really have nothing to lose other than the bodily fluid.

Also, a lot of people will tell me like, oh, I can't pee afterwards. And to that I say, you need to be drinking more water, my friend.

Oh, interesting. All right, so what about other stuff like lube? You can wash off lube with a warm washcloth. Some lubes do need to be removed with a little soapy water. So just make sure you are aware of what type of lube. Water based lube comes off real easy. So silicone based lube may need some soap.

And if you've used any sex toys, make sure to properly clean them after every use. So your toy should come with cleaning instructions, but you want to find some sort of, you know, antibacterial product that you can use, or warm soap and water. Just follow the instructions that are on your toy, but make sure you clean them after every use.

All right, so let's talk about a couple products that can help make cleanup easier. So first piece of advice, keep some tissues or reusable cloth wipes or a wet washcloth nearby for easy cleanup. We like to just keep this on the bedside table so it's not like, oh, are we gonna have sex? Okay, we better go get our cleaning supplies. It's like this is just part of, you know, part of your setup in your bedroom.

Yeah, we've always used Kleenex, but we put a question up on our Instagram channel. We ended up talking about it there. And a ton of people said that they buy like really nice reusable cloth wipes, sometimes ones that you use for babies, you know, cleaning up babies. But a lot of people said it feels nice to have like an actual cloth and a soft, luxurious one. It makes it feel a little bit More special than Kleenex, which sometimes, let's face it, can kind of stick to your body parts. Then you're picking up little bits of Kleenex. So I just thought that was a cool idea of having like these special cloths in your bedside table, you know, that are just for cleanup. It makes it actually feel like a more luxurious kind of experience.

Yeah. So it's just important have that within arm's length so that it is not an awkward thing of, oh, we need to get up and get something. Like it can just be right there and then. Yeah, like Vanessa said, we do use, we have always used tissues. They are biodegradable. However, reusable cloths can be an even more eco friendly option. And like she was saying, they can feel a little more luxurious too. So just make sure whatever you're using is soft.

Yeah, I want to be delicate on those delicate areas. Okay, so what do you do if you're the kind of person who just gets so stressed out about the idea of making a mess that you have a really hard time just relaxing, enjoying yourself in the moment. If that's the case for you, a simple thing that you can do is put down a towel or a sheet first. And that way once you're done, you just lift it right up, throw it right in the laundry, or put it in the hamper. Sometimes people get stressed out about, like their bed sheets and thinking, oh, I don't want to be sleeping on this wet spot later, or I don't want it to leave a stain or something like that. So if you have some sort of towel or an extra sheet, that can be a great way to just relieve some of that anxiety and help you relax more, more in the moment.

All right, so now if you're thinking, oh, wait, not the sheets, not the sheets, then invest in a sex blanket. And you say, no, not the sex blanket. Just kidding. Because sex blankets are actually water resistant blankets that are designed to protect your bedding from any unwanted fluids. You can just search sex blankets online or on Amazon.

All right, we want to mention one last thing because we do get a lot of questions about it. There are products that you can use. It's basically like a dipstick that if you're a vulva owner, you can insert it up into yourself and it kind of sucks up all of the fluids. We definitely do not recommend using tampons for this, but there's a special product. So if you really want to do that, if you feel like that would help relieve some anxiety or just feel better for you go ahead and do it. We're just not going to name the specific brand because personally, we don't love it because it creates a lot of trash. There's already so much single use stuff out there. And just having a ton of these in landfills, just not big fans of. But they are an option. All right, we want to mention one last dynamic, which is that if you are a vulva owner and you're having intercourse with a penis owner and you're not using a condom, there is going to be leakage. Absolutely. So if semen sperm are going up inside of you, they are going to eventually come back out. That's how gravity works. So just expect this. A lot of people don't know to expect this, and they get really concerned about, you know, what's going on, is something wrong with my body? So it's totally normal. It can take, you know, hours for it to come out. Sometimes it can even be the next day that it's coming out. So expect this. If it really bothers you, you can always wear a panty liner or you can insert a menstrual cup. Again, we don't recommend tampons for this reason, but those are a couple of other things that you can do if it really bothers you. But if it doesn't bother you, just let it come out when it comes out.

All right, so let's talk about a couple of ways to make cleanup actually fun and even, dare I say, sexy. So you can take turns cleaning each other off with warm washcloths. Maybe one time you do it, and then the next time your partner does it, you can make a ritual around the cleanup. Like, maybe one partner gets goes to get the cleanup materials, and then the other partner stays in bed. Or maybe you take turns wiping each other down.

Yeah. We heard from our community on Instagram, a lot of people said that they have a nice ritual around this, and it sounded really sweet. Like one woman I think said, you know, my partner always, he'll get up and get the warm washcloths, and he comes back and wipes me down. And it's not a like, oh, gross, let me clean this up. It's like continuing to touch and embrace and be central with each other.

Continuing the intimacy.

Yeah. So why not use the cleanup as an opportunity to continue the intimacy? Another option is to take a shower or a bath together. So I just want to be super careful in saying, like, you. You don't have to take a shower or a bath to clean up because you're so messy and filthy. And this is disgusting.

Not at all.

But yeah, it can be like again, just another intimacy builder that you get in the warm water together, you're cuddling, you're snuggling so you don't have to do that every time. But maybe once in a while that could be a fun way.

Also, we just want to throw out there that after cleanup. That does not mean that the intimacy has to be over. I think a lot of people think, oh well, once we've rolled over and grabbed those Kleenex or the washcloth or whatever, like it's all over. You can continue to be intimate with each other even if you just come back together in bed for some kisses or snuggles.

All right, so that wraps up our video on cleaning up after sex.

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Thanks for watching.