How To Give Compliments To Your Partner

Foreign. Should you have to give compliments to your partner in a long term relationship? Before we get into this video, let us know in the comments down below what you think.

Yeah. Before we convince you one way or.

The other, you might have a clue based on the title of this video. So we have heard from a lot of people in our community, men especially, that feel like you shouldn't have to give compliments in a long term relationship. Relationship. But we love compliments and we think that they're one of the easiest ways to create more intimacy and closeness in a relationship. So today we're going to talk about the importance of compliments, even in long term relationships and how to give a great compliment because there's actually a little bit of a, an art and a science to it.

Oh. But first, if you're brand new to our channel, we just want to say hi. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude. We've been together for 14 years. Also these cute little faces that you may or may not be able to see behind us to the side of us, they move around. These are our pugs, Maggie and Winston.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship. So if you are interested in that, just go ahead and hit that subscribe button.

All right. So should your partner just be confident without you needing to give them compliments?

Yeah, I think this is one of the biggest objections that we hear from partners of like, shouldn't they just know it already?

Yeah, like I shouldn't have to say it, they should know it. Right? Sure. Self worth is important. Confidence is important. Your partner shouldn't rely on your compliments or rely on you for all of their self confidence or all of their self worth. But it is important to help your partner feel appreciated and loved. Like that's why you're in a relationship. After all. It feels good to get validation from each other. It feels good to get compliments from each other. Being in a relationship helps your self, confidence, helps your self worth. So why wouldn't compliments also help with that?

So confidence and flattery, those were like really big parts of flirting and dating in the early stages of a relationship. Right. And I think most of us look back at that time really fondly. Like we have a lot of great memories of that.

Yeah. But just because you won your partner over then with won them over, that's maybe part of the problem with that thinking. It's not a battle, it's not like a win lose type of situation. Like, once you've won, the game is over. You know, you're in a relationship, it's never over. But the reality is just because you won them over with compliments in the past, it doesn't mean you never have to give them again. Yeah.

So I think after time, you know, in long term relationships, we tend to forget to compliment our partner or we neglect to do it. And there are a lot of different reasons why this can happen. A big one is roommate mentality. When you start feeling that doesn't sound good. Yeah, roommates rather than partners. And like, who gives their roommate a ton of compliments anyways? Right. Typically in long term relationships, we also start paying a lot more attention to the things that annoy us about our partner, the things that we don't like, rather than the things that we do. Sometimes compliments can feel like they've lost their luster. Like, if your partner tells you, like, you're beautiful, you're sort of like, yeah, I know. Like you're supposed to think I'm beautiful. Right. Or like, you've said that a million times.

Oh, but I'm wearing my PJs and I haven't done my hair.

Yeah. And another reason might actually be that your partner has turned down your compliments a lot in the past.

Brush them aside.

Exactly. If you used to compliment your partner all the time, like, there are only so many times that you can hear like, ugh, you don't really think that. Don't say that before you get the message to, like, start, stop giving the compliments.

But making compliments a part of everyday life in your long term relationship can have a really amazing effect. Especially if your partner's love language is words of affirmation. They are going to really love compliments. If you're curious what this love language thing is, what words of affirmation are, check out our video about it right here. You'll also find it in the description for this episode. But I think a really important thing to remember is that we all give and receive love in different ways. And just because for you, you may not feel like compliments don't do very much for you, that doesn't mean that they don't do anything for your partner. We're all different. So compliments also help you feel more connected. It's something to talk about and, you know, it helps you remember, like, why you love each other and really specifically say what it is that you love about each other. And compliments can just create these little Moments of happiness and connection in, you know, maybe an otherwise dull or boring day. And it can just be a really nice way to feel more connected and happy.

So, yes, we think that you should definitely give compliments in your relationship, no matter how long the two of you have been together. But let's talk a little bit about how to give a great compliment, because I think a lot of us tend to give pretty generic ones like you're so beautiful or I love you, you know, it just like. And then it doesn't really feel particularly special to your partner. So how can we up level our con, our compliment skills and help our partner, like, really feel loved and cared for?

Yeah. Especially if you kind of are like, I can't really think of anything. What do I do? So you can try thinking back to the past. This can be a really great way to do this if it's. Especially if you're struggling to think of like, oh my God, I can't think of any compliments. So think about what attracted you to your partner and in the first place. And you know, it could be something about their body, it could be something about their personality, it could be something about their interests. Yeah. So think about those things and those things are great things to compliment them on. It's not all about the past, though. Pay attention to your partner in the present. What do you really appreciate about them right now? What do you really appreciate about them in the last week? Those are some great things to give compliments about.

A great way to uplevel your compliments is to give your partner a why. So, like, make it really tight, tailored to them and tell them, like, why is that something that's so attractive to you or you really appreciate it or you notice it. It makes it go from something that feels generic, like you're so beautiful, into, you know, something much, much more meaningful.

Yeah. It's like you've really thought about it. You have a good reason why you're doing it is not just some throwaway line.

And again, we'll talk about like physical versus non physical compliments in just a second. But this can be particularly great for non physical things, like why do you appreciate my sense of humor or my creativity? Something like that. Another tip that we want to give you is to be genuine. So I think sometimes when people aren't used to giving compliments or they're trying to get back into it, you sort of feel like you have to go really over the top and say a ton of stuff and that can make it feel inauthentic. Or just hard to get back into it. And so we just want to say, like, compliments don't have to be grandiose or over the top. Like, sometimes the most simple compliments are actually the most effective. In particular, if they're like things that to you feel obvious, like you really see that, but maybe your partner just doesn't see that in themselves. So something like, you know, you're an incredible listener. You make me feel so, you know, seen and heard and appreciated.

Compliments can be physical or non physical. Like Vanessa was mentioning before. So, you know, your smile is so gorgeous. That's a physical compliment. Obviously you have a really great sense of humor. That's a non physical compliment.

And pay attention to your partner because they may have a preference for one or the other. Like, some partners just really don't love physical compliments. Like they want to hear the deeper stuff, whereas, you know, different partner might be different. So just ask your partner, see how they respond to the different kinds of compliments that you give.

Also, you might find one or two compliments that really elicit a awesome reaction in your partner and come back to those. Like, sometimes there are certain things that you just love to hear over and over. They don't lose their lust, so take advantage of those. Also, if you're feeling awkward about compliments, just keep practicing. It is okay to feel awkward, but you should still try to do it. It's the effort that counts. So it's not about having the perfect compliment. It's not about rehearsing it and delivering a line. Like your partner is going to see the effort that you're putting into it. Even if your delivery is a bit awkward, you'll get better with practice. But the important thing is they see the effort and that is going to feel good to them.

Absolutely, absolutely. And finally, we just quickly want to touch on receiving compliments. So don't forget to be a good compliment receiver too. Like we were saying earlier, like, this can be one of the reasons why couples stop complimenting each other. Because you're so bad at receiving them. Right. So rather than trying to shrug off the compliments, deny them, downplay them, anything like that. Like practice actually just receiving the compliment, saying thank you and just trying to let yourself let it in a little bit and be really grateful to your partner for making this effort, for wanting you to feel loved and seen and appreciated.

Yeah. And I'll be totally honest, that is something that I used to struggle with a lot. I would kind of always downplay things and I felt like I was just being humble. Like, I viewed it as a positive thing. And then I realized that actually it doesn't feel good for Vanessa when I downplay something. It also long term, doesn't feel good to me because then I'm not feeling like I'm being complimented, even though I am. And the reality, what I had to do is just tell myself, all I'm going to say is thank you. I can't. I'm not going to say anything else because if I don't say anything else, I can't downplay it. If I just say thank you, I take it in and maybe that feels a little uncomfortable. That's okay. I can sit with that. And I got better and better and better at it.

All right, so that wraps up our video on compliments, but we are not going to leave you hanging again. We know that coming up with interesting, creative, unique compliments can feel challenging to a lot of people. So we actually have your back. We put together a free guide with some of our best, most creative and unique compliments. We even crowdsourced this one and asked our entire community on Instagram to share the favorite compliment they have ever been given. So there are some really good ones on this list. We'll put the link to download that in the description box below.

All right, we're so glad you made it to the end of this video. If you liked it, please give the video a like give like it a can also hit the red button to subscribe to our YouTube channel and hit the notification icon so you keep getting notified when we post more videos.

Thanks so much for watching.

See you next time.