A short YouTube-style talk by Vanessa and Xander Marin offering practical, reassurance-focused advice on wearing lingerie to feel more confident. Key points: wear lingerie for yourself (not only for a partner), choose styles you like, various options for when to put it on, and normalize initial awkwardness by practicing and leaning into it. The video also promotes a free foreplay guide linked in the description.
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Lingerie, you know, it's sexy, so why are you not wearing it? Where's your lingerie today?
I forgot mine.
Whenever we talk about lingerie, we always get a lot of, like, logistical questions about it. People will ask us, like, okay, but do I buy it for myself? Do I wait for my partner to buy it? Like, what if my partner doesn't like it? When do I put it on? How do I not be awkward about it? It definitely seems like a lot of people feel very awkward and uncomfortable wearing lingerie. So let us know in the comments down below. Just wearing lingerie, the thought of it. Does it make you feel kind of awkward? Does it bring up some of these, like, logistical questions? Like, what do I do with it? Exactly. Let us know down below. But today we wanted to make a video about how to get confident and comfortable wearing lingerie.
If you're brand new to our channel, then first we just want to say, hi. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude, and we've been together for 14 years. Also, these cute little faces over here are Maggie and Winston. These are our pugs. Sometimes they're next to us, sometimes they're behind us. Hopefully they don't snore too loud.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So go ahead and hit that subscribe button so you can get all of our free tips and techniques. All right, so first thing we want to say when we talk about lingerie is that you can wear lingerie for yourself. Like, wearing lingerie can be as much for you as it can be for your partner. I think a lot of times people hear the word lingerie, and it feels, like, performative, like something that you're just doing for your partner. But one of our greatest tips is for you to wear it for yourself. Like, it's your right to feel sexy in your own body.
Hold on. I might be wearing mine, but below here, you just can't see.
Oh, okay.
Who knows? I'm feeling. I'm feeling good about myself.
Feeling good about yourself. Great. So, yeah, lingerie, it's really about you feeling sexy as much as it is about looking sexy for your partner. And that's such a great way for you to start to feel more comfortable with it if you think about it as something that you're doing for yourself.
Yeah. And even if your partner feels kind of meh about lingerie, that doesn't matter if it Makes you feel good. Wear lingerie. It's all about you.
Yeah, and that's a good point that, like, not everyone loves lingerie too.
So.
But, you know, if that's the case where your partner doesn't really love it, that's fine. You can still wear it for yourself. And also, you don't even need to have a partner in the first place to wear lingerie.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And also, you definitely don't need to wait for someone to buy it for you. If you want to do it, you can get it yourself. You can also ask your partner to buy it for you. You can wait for your partner to buy it for you, but you can also buy some for yourself as well. There is no rule that you can't do it.
Okay, so if you feel nervous wearing lingerie around your partner, here are some tips for getting more comfortable with it.
All right, so in the same theme as we've already been talking about, it's about you. So buy what you like. If you're not into what you're wearing, if you're doing it just for your partner or wearing just something that they like and you're really not into it, it's going to be harder to feel confident. Maybe if you feel more and more confident over time, you might feel better about wearing something that you don't totally love. But at first, go for stuff that you like.
So the most important thing to know about lingerie is there are so many different styles, so many different things that you can do. I think a lot of women in particular, we think of lingerie and we think Victoria's Secret. And for some people, that's your style and that's awesome. And other people are like, that is so not me. I couldn't wear that. But the reality is that these days, there's so many different companies making so. So many different kinds of cute things. I mean, even this little, you know, shirt that I'm wearing, it's a lingerie kind of vibe to it, but it's not this, like, over the top in your face, whole ensemble with, like, garter belts and all these kind of snaps and whips and all that kind of whips?
No, no sexy bunny outfit.
No sexy bunny outfit. I don't know where I got the wips from. Those usually don't come along with lingerie.
But, yeah, that's something else. It's okay.
So take the time to kind of, like, look through different stuff and get a sense of, like, what feels like your style just the way that you would with normal Day to day clothes of like, yeah, I like that. No, I don't like that. Like, find the lingerie styles that feel exciting and interesting to you. And again, it's like, if you start with the simpler stuff, something that feels, you know, maybe you feel pretty comfortable putting on a little negligee or something like that, then that'll feel more comfortable to you and you can work your way up to wearing more elaborate things if you want to.
But when do you put it on? This has gotta be one of the most common questions we get. It's like, okay, so I'm sold on getting the lingerie, but, like, when do I put it on? Like, do I wear it all day? Do I have to tell my partner, hey, I'm gonna go change? Here are a couple of options.
Okay? So one thing you can do is tease your partner over text, maybe let them know, like, I've got a little surprise for you later. So you build up some anticipation.
I like that one.
You can wear lingerie under your clothes on a date night, so you have it on that whole time. You get that, that time to, like, feel sexy and like, oh, I've got this little on underneath.
You could kind of slip your partner a couple glances so that they know during day, night that you've got something on underneath.
You could also just wear it all day long. So again, with something like this little camisole, you can wear it all day, hide it under a blazer, but you still have that feeling of like, oh, I'm wearing something kind of sexy.
Kind of sexy.
Just a little. You can also just put it on, like, right before your partner gets home or you're about to spend time together. Maybe you can sneak away while they're busy doing something else or just, like, go to the bathroom and put it on. Like, it really doesn't have to be. You don't have to feel awkward about, like, well, my partner's gonna know one moment I'm in it, and, you know, one moment I'm not in it, and one moment I am in it. Like, it's okay. It's kind of fun to just sneak off and get into it. And really, like, the bottom line is, who cares when you put it on? Just put it on whenever you feel excited to put it on. Even if you and your partner start making out and things are getting hot and heavy and you're like, excuse me for just one, one moment while I slip away into something more comfortable. Like, that can be really hot too. So seriously, there are any, you know, anytime during the day you can put it on from the very first thing when you wake up in the morning until like, literally you're in the middle of sex and you're like, I'm just gonna go put something cute on.
All right. Are you still worried that somehow it is still gonna be awkward? That's okay. It is totally normal to be worried about things being awkward. Trying anything new in the bedroom can be awkward. It can feel awkward. You can worry about it a lot. But the thing is, is that awkward things become less awkward when we lean into it and do it. And yeah, maybe it is awkward the first time, it's going to be a little less awkward the next time, a little less awkward the time after that, until one time it's just not awkward.
One final tip that we can give too is that if you really are still feeling so awkward about it is like, just wear it for yourself and don't even show your partner like. Like change out of it when you're.
Gonna do it when your partner's not home.
Yeah, exactly. So you just get more comfortable feeling it on your skin, getting a sense of, like, what you feel genuinely sexy in and what you don't. And that'll just work up that. That comfortability and that confidence. All right, so that wraps up our video on getting confident wearing lingerie. If you're like, okay, I'm gonna do it, but then what do I do next once I've got my sexy stuff on?
Good question. But we don't have time. In this video.
We just wanted to quickly mention that we have our ultimate free foreplay guys that give you detailed, step by step techniques for exactly how to pleasure a vulva, how to pleasure a penis, or you can get both. And we will put a link to check those out in the description box below.
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