If this looks familiar, it might be time to practice the “Does This Matter?” rule.

I think it looks better if those pillows are in the back.

Just let me do it how I do it.

If you and your partner have these kinds of conversations, often I need to introduce you to a little something I call the does this really matter? Rule. So when you choose to spend your life with somebody, you are watching them do all the things, and you probably have your own way of doing all the things. So it's really tempting in these little moments to just jump in and want to tell your partner the best way to do all the things. But. But here's why this is actually harming your relationship. Nobody likes to be told how to do things. You don't like being told how to do things. And so all these little moments that seem small and inconsequential or even seem like you're helping your partner are actually driving them nuts and making the two of you feel like you're nitpicking each other all day long. So when I see my husband doing something in a way that I wouldn't necessarily do myself, I ask myself, does this really matter? And you know what? Sometimes it does. Sometimes there is a specific way that things need to be done, and that often turns into a larger conversation about mental load, about household responsibilities. But the vast majority of the time, the answer is no, it doesn't actually matter. So I bite my tongue, I don't say anything, and I save us both a whole lot of energy.