Vanessa and Xander Marin address whether it's bad if a woman wants to use a sex toy during sex. A vibrator request usually means she wants targeted clitoral stimulation that intercourse alone doesn't provide. Toys are teammates, not threats, and using them together can enhance connection and pleasure.
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We need to start a video like that. She wants or needs a sex toy to help her orgasm. What exactly does that mean? Today we're talking about sex toys, and if it's a bad sign that she wants to use one during sex. So first we want to know, do you use sex toys with your partner? If so, give us your favorite recommendation down in the comments.
But before we get into it, we want to introduce ourselves. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist and we've been together for 14 years.
Our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out. So if you are interested in that, then just go ahead and hit that subscribe button. Okay, so first we just have to give a little bit of a heteronormative disclaimer here, because in this video we're talking about male, female relationships. Because this is the context that we get this question in. Like, we get a lot of men who say, you know, my partner said that she wants to bring a toy into the bedroom. I don't know how to feel about it. So that's what we're going to be talking about here. So as our resident penis owner here.
Yes.
What do you think guys think it means when a woman asks to use a toy in the bedroom?
All right, so I think a lot of guys go to these kind of worst case scenarios, like, something is wrong with me. Something is wrong with my technique. Maybe she's not really that into me. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe there's something wrong with my penis. My penis isn't enough for her. My penis is too small. So it brings up a lot of insecurities. Because guys tend to think like, that they need to know how to have good sex, how to give their partner good sex. And so when you hear, oh, like, why don't we bring in a toy? It can feel like, oh, wait, am I not enough? Do I not know what I'm doing?
Okay, so just bringing up a lot of self consciousness.
Yeah. All right, my turn to turn to you as a resident woman. Tell me what it actually means as a woman.
So when a woman wants to use a vibrator with her partner, all that it means is that she wants some clitoral stimulation. So when men and women have sex with each other, what very often gets left out is some clitoral stimulation. So we're taught to believe, like, intercourse is the main event. It's the be all, do all kind of thing. But the reality is that women need clitoral stimulation in order to feel pleasure and reach orgasm and. And intercourse. While it can be totally fun and very intimate and connecting, it doesn't create very much clitoral stimulation because you're going into the vagina, you're not touching the clitoris. So, you know, the clitoris doesn't get a ton of respect. You see a lot of dumb jokes about, like, where is it? Why do women need all this extra stimulation? But the interesting thing is that the clitoris is the biological equivalent of the penis. So these questions and dumb jokes are basically like asking a dude, like, why do you need penile stimulation during sex? We would never say that. Right. So a vibrator can be a really convenient way to get that stimulation. Because you can use a vibrator while you're having intercourse. You can use it in other ways. It delivers really targeted, focused stimulation. So it doesn't have to be, like, the only thing that you guys do together, but it can be a really great addition, and it can make sure that she's getting stimulation of the part of her body that's most sensitive.
All right, guys, so now that you know that your partner needs clitoral stimulation, does it make a little more sense why perhaps she's asking to use a vibrator or use a toy with you? All right, so let's talk about a couple ways to get more clitoral stimulation without a toy. Of course, you can use your hands. She can use her hands. You guys can both use your hands on the clitoris. But the reality is, if you're having sex for a while, your hands can get kind of tired from, you know, giving that focus stimulation on the clitoris. So wouldn't it be nice to bring in some help if your hand, your forearm is getting tired? And that, my friend, is where the vibrator comes in. So, look, it's not your enemy. It is your teammate. It is helping give your partner something that she needs that's going to be really complimentary to the intercourse that you're already having, and it's going to be saving your hand and forearms from getting tired.
So I think, look, it would be one thing if she just wanted to use her vibrator totally on her own. She's, like, checked out in her own little world. It's like, why are you even there?
Yeah, but no one's. Yeah, no one's saying that.
Like, of course that would feel crappy. But that's not what women are asking for. They're wanting to have that experience with the vibrate or like, use it with you. Let's use it together. Let's have fun together. It can even just feel like something new to explore and experiment with in the bedroom. Like a way of just shaking things up a little bit.
Yeah. Yeah. So the bottom line is that sex is all about creating connection between the two of you. And vibrator is never going to be able to replace the that connection. It can't replace you, the human being. So don't be worried about it replacing you.
Alright, well, that wraps up our video on using toys during sex.
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