Is Your Vulva Normal?

You ready to talk about vulvas?

Oh, yeah.

My favorite thing today, we are answering the question, is your vulva normal? There are so many women, so many vulva owners who wonder that question. I would venture that pretty much everyone who owns a vulva has asked themselves that question at some point or another. And there's a pretty long list of concerns that we all have. So we can have a lot of insecurities about the size, the shape, the smell, the color discharge, hair sensitivity. So we are constantly getting DMs and questions from people asking like, is this normal? So today we're going to be talking about some of these mysteries, these concerns, and give you more clarity on what is typical for vulvas and for vaginas. So before we get into all of that, we want to know, have you ever felt self conscious about your vulva?

So.

So let us know down in the comments below. If you feel a little embarrassed mentioning that, then maybe just tell us, like, do you think that we are socialized to feel embarrassed of this part of our bodies? Have you ever heard, like, negative stereotypes or like bad messaging around it? So let us know in the comments.

Also, if you're brand new here, then we want to say, hi, this is Vanessa. I'm Xander Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist, and we've been together for 13 years.

And we are all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you are interested in that, go ahead and subscribe to our channel so you never miss a single video.

Oh, yeah.

All right, so first, let's talk about some really important language. The first thing we need to know is the difference between a vulva and a vagina. So very simply, the vulva is the exterior portion, the vagina is the interior portion. So most people use these words incorrectly most often, and you'll just hear vagina referred to as the whole thing. But that's just not accurate. And one other language piece that I want to cover is that we try to be really thoughtful about using the word vulva owner to recognize that not everybody who has a vulva identifies as a woman. So, yes, there are a lot of, like, women who own vulvas as well, but we just like to try to be as inclusive in our language as possible. So some points in this video, we might say vulva owner, some points we might say woman.

So.

So just feel free to apply whatever word applies to you.

All right, so first up, let's talk about labia.

Let's do it. Let's hear you talk about labia.

All right, let's talk about labia. So there are two labia. There is the outer labia or the labia majora, and that is covered in pubic hair. You also have an inner pair of labia called a labia minora, which have no hair, and they are made up of more delicate tissues.

You actually have, like, flavor for labia because you have one.

Yeah. One on each side. Yeah. So you have two pairs of labia. And the reality is there is a ton of variety when it comes to labia. So in terms of color, labia can be brown, tan, pink, black, red, purple, or cream color. And I think the other important thing to remember is that they don't necessarily match, like, your general skin tone. So you might be like, oh, why is it a different color from the rest of my skin that's totally normal?

In particular, typically going to be darker than your normal skin tone. So a lot of people freak out, like, oh, it's so dark and weird looking totally normal.

Yeah. Also, some vulva owners might have larger outer labia, while others might have larger inner labia.

Oh, and the color can vary too. So the color of your outer labia versus your inner labia can be totally different.

Also, it is super, super common for there to be asymmetry between the left side and the right side of your labia.

Yeah. So this is another thing we get emails about all the time. Like, the left side is way longer than the right side.

Yeah. So differences between the pairs of labia and differences within the pairs of labia.

This also comes up with boobs, too. Most boob owners have boobs that are different sizes. Some people even have to wear, like, it's hard to find a bra because the size difference is so noticeable.

Yeah. Men also have this with balls. True.

Yes, very true. We are all asymmetrical all over our bodies. All right, next up, let's talk about discharge. So a lot of women feel incredibly self conscious about wetness or about discharge and feel like this is incredibly abnormal. There's something wrong with this. But the reality is that being the owner of a vulva means having discharge pretty much on a daily basis. So the vagina, the internal portion, actually does a really amazing job of keeping itself clean and healthy. We'll talk more about that in a minute. But discharge is the way that it keeps itself clean and healthy. One of the ways it really, you know, flushes everything out. So discharge can range in colors, just like we were talking about. With labia. So it could be completely clear all the way up to kind of whitish. You almost always will notice something in your underwear. You'll see like, a. Not necessarily a stain because it comes out in laundry, but you'll see, like, a tint from your discharge. It also can change throughout the month. So sometimes in the month that some parts in the month you might not be able to, like, hardly notice it at all, versus other times you're like, whoa, what happened today? Right. So the only thing that you have to watch out with when it comes to discharge, if it's ever like a cottage cheese texture, like, really thick, it's lumpy, very white, that could be the sign of an infection. So definitely check in with your doctor.

All right, now let's talk about smell and taste, because this is a huge, huge concern. We hear about this so often.

A concern for the vulva owner.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the vulva owner. That something is wrong with the smell or something is going to be bad about the taste. Now, your vagina does an incredibly good job of cleaning itself and regulating its ph. You absolutely do not need to douche or clean your vagina with soap in thinking that that will make it smell better or taste better.

Yeah. The reality is, unless you're noticing, like, a very strong fishy scent, like, the vulva is meant to smell all different kinds of smells. And I think one of the biggest misconceptions here is, like, a lot of people think that it should be absolutely scentless, or there's almost kind of idea of, like, it should smell like flowers and candy and strawberries and all this kind of stuff. And, like, the reality is it's a body part. It's not meant to smell delicious. But for the vast majority of times, like, the smell that you're noticing is completely normal. Again, it's only if it's like a very intense extreme that you should go check it out with a doctor.

Yeah. And in fact, if you do douche or you. You do use some type of soap or deodorizing soap that's going to make it smell like something that's actually harmful because it is killing off the good, healthy bacteria in your vagina. And let me just say, as a partner who does love vulvas and vaginas, I can definitely say that I also love the smell and taste of vulvas and vaginas.

Great. They get your ringing endorsement.

They do.

All right. And finally, let's talk about pubic hair.

Yes.

So just like the hair on other parts of your body the amount of pubic hair varies very widely from person to person.

So.

So you might have a lot of pubic hair. You might have very little pubic hair. Shorter, longer. It's all over the place. So people always ask us, like, what's in style when it comes to pubic hair? Particularly directing the question towards Xander. A lot of women will ask, like, what do guys like?

Yeah, as if. As like a married man. I somehow know it's in style. Not sure where that idea comes from.

Or also that, as a man, you speak for all other men, heterosexual men, men who sleep with women, and saying, like, this is what we wanna see. So we think, do whatever the hell you want. If you like removing all of your hair, some of the benefits of that is that it can make your body feel more sensitive. Especially if you've always had hair and then you remove some of it, it's like, oh, what is going on down there? But there are also benefits to leaving all of your hair. It doesn't take any time, any money. There's no pain. You're not going to have, like, irritation or ingrowns or anything like that. Also, having hair can prevent chafing. But important, it can also get in the way a little bit during oral sex. So pros and cons to either way, bottom line, do whatever you enjoy. There is no, like, better option or something that, like, all the vulva owners are doing, so you better do it too.

Yeah, whatever's gonna make you feel sexiest.

So that wraps up our videos on how vulvas and vaginas are all so different. There really is no normal. And we hope we leave you with a sense of just peace and relaxation, knowing your vulva is perfectly normal. It's healthy, it's beautiful, it's sexy. People wanna see it, they wanna taste it.

They.

They want to touch it. Yes, everybody's into the vulva. So one quick other thing that we want to leave you with. A lot of times when we wind up talking about vulvas, we also wind up talking about orgasm. How to bring some pleasure to those vulvas.

Yeah.

So we want to give you a free guide called can you orgasm from sex? So we're talking about CIS women and heterosexual sex here. So if this applies to you, and you've always been kind of curious, am I supposed to orgasm from sex? There's something wrong with me if I'm not. Definitely check that guide out. It'll answer that question and give you tons of tips for experiencing more pleasure during intercourse and so much more. So we'll put the link to that in the description box down below.

And if you made it all this way in the video, we want to thank you. Please give this video a like, hit that red button and subscribe to our YouTube channel. And while you're at it, hit the notification icon so you keep getting notified as soon as we post more.

Thanks for watching.

See you next time.