Love Language: Quality Time

I can't start a video. The love languages are an amazing way to help your partner feel well loved. We've been doing a whole series about the love languages, doing a different video on each language. And today we are going to be talking about quality time.

Oh, yeah.

So the reality is, in relationships, we often have different love languages from our partner. So if your partner's love language is quality quality time, but yours isn't, you might feel kind of confused. Like, what do I do? How exactly do I show my partner love in their language? So that's what today's video is going to be all about, giving you specific tips for loving your partner in the quality time love language. And we had to bring back the pugs because we realized after filming the video with them about touch that actually their love language might be quality time even more so than touch. After very careful consideration, they're keeping us company today again.

All right, so before we get into all that, we want to say hi. If you're brand new to our channel, we are Xander and Vanessa Marin.

You almost messed that up there.

I almost messed up. I went backwards almost. Vanessa here is the sex therapist. I'm a regular dude. We've been together for 13 years, and.

Our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship. Inside of the bedroom and out. So go ahead and hit that subscribe button so you can get started right. Right away. So first, let's talk a little bit about the love language of quality time. What exactly does it mean? So it's right there in the title. Quality time. That means that you feel the most loved and you feel the most connected when you're spending quality time with your partner. But the key there is really the quality. So it's not about just, like, being in the same room together. Like, okay, you're physically present. No, no, no. It's all about being, like, really emotionally present, too. And so somebody who speaks the love language of quality time is really going to be able to feel into that difference. They're going to know, when is my partner really giving me their complete undivided attention versus when are they just, like, physically there, but mentally they're somewhere else completely? And so this might be something that's actually really confusing for somebody who doesn't speak that language. They might be like, what are you talking about? I'm around all the time. We spend so much time together.

Yeah, that's quantity time.

Exactly. But your partner can really tell, like, no, but you're not really There, like, really connected with me.

Yeah. So, like, Vanessa is saying, you know, denying your partner quality time is really a surefire way to make them not feel so good about the time that you're spending. So, for example, if you make plans with your partner and then cancel them last minute, that's probably gonna be really hurtful. Also, like, Vanessa was kind of alluding to spending time, but then being distracted, being, like, glued to your phone, maybe the whole time. Like, that is not gonn, like, quality at all. And not only is it not going to feel like quality, it's kind of going to feel, like, bad. Like, they're going to wish that they weren't spending that time with you. So it's like, it's not like, just, you know, okay, time. It's like, bad time.

Yeah, bad time. You're going to have a bad time. So let's go over some specific tips for how to show your partner love if quality time is their love language. So obviously, this is going to be all about spending time with your partner, but we want it to be that really intentional, purposeful time. So one thing you can do is carve out time in your schedule to spend time with your partner and share that with your partner. So that way they get to feel like, oh, it's not just, like, my partner happens to be at the house at the same time that I am. It's your partner saying, like, I care about you. I want to show you love in this way. So here's the ways that I'm, like, scheduling time with you and making sure we have that time together.

Yeah. And if that's not your love language, this might sound kind of weird to you. Like, it might feel like, like, oh, I shouldn't have to schedule time like that to you. Might even feel like maybe something is wrong, that you're. That you're needing to do that. But just keep in mind that for your partner, that it's. To them, it'll feel like you're making a commitment to spend this time, which is going to feel really different to them than it might feel to you.

Exactly. Another great thing you can do is ask your partner what kinds of activities feel the most connecting to them. So some people who have the quality time love langu. They might enjoy spending time together doing, like, the comforting daily activities. Like, I love when we're watching TV and we're both, like, engaged in the show together, or we're, like, reading a book or something like that. But other people might really love doing new activities together. So, like, you're going out, you're trying brand new things. You're like seeing each other in that new light. So definitely start with asking your partner, like, what are the specific times, the specific activities that you feel really connected to me? And again, this is gonna be such a great question for your partner to hear because they're going to hear that effort and that intention behind your question where you're telling them, like, I want to show you love in the way that's going to feel best to you. So tell me what those activities are.

All right, so now you've set up some time or you are spending some time with them. Here's some things that you should do. Definitely set yourself up for success by minimizing distractions to yourself ahead of time. So maybe that means putting your phone on silent or, you know, making sure your schedule is really cleared. Or also do your best to avoid multitasking when you're together. I know this is something that is so common these days. You know, with our phones and everything going on, we're just used to, you know, oh, I'm going to do this thing over the next hour and I'm probably going to do like five other things at the same time. So if your partner's love languages, quality time is probably good to remind yourself, okay, maybe I try to get this stuff done before or after. I don't plan to do like three things at once while I'm also spending time with them.

Now, let's talk about a couple of tips for using this love language in the bedroom. So this is something that the original love languages model doesn't really talk about, but we like to go into it since we're all about sexuality.

Oh, yeah, we go there.

Yeah. So obviously you're going to want to spend some time on physical intimacy in general. So this is another opportunity for you to ask your partner, like, what kind of quality time do they enjoy when it comes to physical. Physical intimacy? So it's a little bit of like an overlap between quality time and touch love languages. But, you know, for some people who really like quality time, they might love cuddling or they might love making out or just holding hands or somebody else might like, I like a lot of quality time with oral sex.

Yeah.

So just ask them what are the specific things that they really enjoy and feel connected to them. And then, like Xander was mentioning earlier, this idea of skill scheduling things. You can also schedule intimacy. Whether that's just scheduling, like skin to skin contact or scheduling sex, whatever sex means to you, scheduling it can actually be a really great, great way to help your partner feel loved and cared for and feel like you're prioritizing this time together.

Yeah. Another thing that you can do is during sex, really practice just being truly present. And you know, that's not just like. It's not just doing it, it's really being there, looking at them, clearing your head of distractions.

Most of us don't do this.

Most of us don't do this. And the reality is it's pretty easy to tell when someone is distracted. Also, afterwards, try to take some time to just bask in the afterglow of it all. Don't jump up to get onto the next thing right away. Spend some good quality time together afterwards. Just even a couple minutes can feel really, really good.

All right, so that wraps up our video on the quality time love language. So check out the description for link to our other videos about the love languages.

Yeah. And if you like this video, please give us a like. Hit that red button to subscribe to our YouTube channel and click the notification icon so you keep getting notified as soon as we post more videos.

Thanks for watching.

See you next time.