A short YouTube video by Vanessa and Xander Marin explaining the love languages with a focus on physical touch. They define physical touch as a primary way some people feel loved, give concrete everyday and bedroom-focused examples (hugs, lingering touch, erotic massage, building anticipation), and emphasize respecting boundaries and being intentional rather than mechanical with touch.
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Maybe I started a video.
Are you familiar with the five love languages? It's all about how you like to receive love and show love, and also how your partner likes to receive and show love. And oftentimes they are different ways. It can be really useful to know your love language and also to know your partner's love language so that you can ask for love in the way that you like to receive it. And you can also give love or show love to your partner in the way that they like to receive it.
So if you haven't heard of the love languages before, the five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and touch.
So in this video, we're going to be focusing specifically on my love language, which is physical touch.
And you may have noticed that we have some special guests in this video today. We have invited the pugs in because they also have a love language of touch. There's nothing that makes them happier.
Maybe eating the service of being fed. All right, so if you're brand new to our channel, then we want to say hello. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist, and we've been together for 13 years.
And of course, Winston and Maggie, and they have been with us for 11 years and four years. All right, and our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship. Inside of the bedroom and out. So if. If you already know you're interested in that or you just want to show the pugs some love, then go ahead and hit that subscribe button.
Oh, yeah. All right, so in this video, we're going to be talking about what to do if your partner's love language is physical touch.
Because if it's not your love language, it might feel kind of strange to you. Like, I don't know, why is my partner so into touch? What do I do? Like, how do I figure it out? So that's really the point with love languages is that if it's not your love language, it's not gonna feel natural to you. You're not gonna think to love your partner in the way that they wanna be loved.
Yeah. So with physical touch, love is expressed through physical contact. As you might have guessed from the title of it, people who are physical touch people need to be touched in order to really feel that love and affection.
Okay, so let me ask you, what does it feel like when you are touched?
Oh, it feels really nice. It feels. I feel very loved. I feel very safe, and I feel seen like When Vanessa wants to give me a hug.
All right, so let's talk about some specific ways that you can honor your partner. Partner's love language, if they are a touch type. So, again, if you're not a touch kind of person, this just might feel a little bit weird or confusing to you. So we just wanted to give you some super specific examples. So just reach out and touch them as often as you can. It's easy if they're, you know, passing by you. If you guys are kind of, you know, close to each other, just reaching out and having, like, a little bit of contact. Of course, like, hugs are always great. Like, holding them, you know, giving them a hug. I think one of Xander's favorite things is when I randomly tell him that I want a hug. Yeah, cuddling can be really fun, too, whether it's on the sofa or in your bed together. And just in general, like, letting your hands linger on their body. Like, it's one thing to just, like, you know, poke them real fast, but, like, we're talking about a more lingering, caressing kind of touch.
No pokes, please. All right, so kissing can also be a really big one, maybe more so than for people who have other love languages. Sexual sex is not the only way to feel connected, but it does play a big role. I mean, there's also other reasons why people want sex is not just tied to love languages, but wanted to call that out.
And I think that's a misconception about touch people. I think that other people assume, like, oh, people who like touch. It's all about sex. It's not.
Yeah, it's not. Also, just ask what kinds of touch mean the most to them. Because it's not just, like, if your love language is physical touch that you just need to be, like, smothered in touches. There's probably certain types of things that you like more than others. I know for me, I really like hugs, I like cuddling. Like, those are the two things. Like, I do. Obviously, I like sex, but it's not. Like, it's not the only way that I feel loved at all.
Let's be real, though. If I smothered you with touches, you probably would like it for a couple minutes. All right, now we want to transition and talk a little bit about how to use your partner's love language in the bedroom. So this is an area that the original love languages model doesn't really get into that much. So we think that this is important to bring into it as well. So it might seem obvious like, touch in the bedroom. Touch sex, like, yeah, that goes together. But you would actually be surprised by how little touch a lot of couples have when they're being, like, physically intimate with each other. I think a lot of us have this experience of, like, in the early stages of dating. It feels like we can't keep our hands off of each other. We're just constantly touching each other. But that really starts to fade as twice time goes on. And I think a lot of couples, if they're honest with themselves, will think, like, man, we just really don't touch each other all that often.
Yeah. So one. Another tip is try to build up anticipation for sex rather than just going straight into it. You can really increase the amount of touch that kind of goes into sex by caressing and playfully groping at each other throughout the day. Doesn't just have to be, okay, it's time for touch, it's time for sex. It can be like, touch, you know, some maybe sexual type of touch is incorporate it throughout the day before you have sex. Another thing that you can do is try out some erotic massage. That's always fun. Both just for the massage purposes and then also for what might happen next. Take your time with foreplay. Just stroke all over each other's bodies. Take your time, Enjoy that touch. Also during sex, you can just focus on touching more than you normally do. How many of us actually are thinking about, like, how we're touching our partner when we're having sex? Most of us probably are just kind of focusing on the sex and not focusing on the touching.
Yeah. It's a really interesting question to ask yourself. Like, do we really touch each other that much during sex, or are we kind of more focused on the actual sex part?
Yeah.
All right, now we want to just wrap up with a couple of things to avoid some of the things that sometimes people get wrong when their partner has the love language of touch. So first thing that we want to make super clear is don't ever feel like you have to betray your own boundaries. So if you have boundaries around how you like to touch, how you like to be touched in return, like, you get to have those boundaries. It doesn't matter if your partner's love language is touch. Another thing is that you don't always have to be touching your partner. I think sometimes people hear this, that, you know, this idea about touching your partner more often, and they feel like they just, like, constantly have to be making some sort of content.
It's not all or nothing.
Yeah. So it's really more important for you to be authentic about it. So again, it's not going to feel natural to you because you're not a ton touch type of person, but you don't want to go so overboard that you feel like you're pushing yourself to do it all the time. And finally, it's really important to be intentional with your touch. So if your partner is a touch type, they can tell if you're just.
Like touching for touch sake.
Touching just for the touch's sake. Yeah, just for the sake of touching versus like having some real intention behind your touch. So sometimes the way I like to think about it is like imagining sending love through my hand into his body or sending kindness or you know, whatever the particular mood is, but having some form of intention behind it rather than just this kind of like there I touched you kind of thing. All right, so that wraps up our video on physical touch and what to do if that is your partner's love language.
And if you're looking for ways to up your physical touch game in the bedroom, then you should check out our foreplay guide. These guides are packed with tips on how to blow your partner's mind with some amazing foreplay techniques, making them feel really special and giving them lots of pleasure at the same time. So kind of a win win.
Oh yeah. And even if your love language isn't touch, you'll probably enjoy those.
You probably will. So yeah, if you like this video, you can give us a like. You can also hit the red button down below to subscribe to our YouTube channel and hit the notification icon so you keep getting notified when we post new video videos.
And definitely keep an eye out for our video about the other love languages as well. Thanks for watching.
