Love Language: Words Of Affirmation

I can't start a video. Have you ever done something really nice for your partner, but then they hardly seem to notice it?

Ouch.

Or maybe you did something that to you seemed really small and inconsequential, but your partner went bananas with gratitude.

Love that.

Yeah. So this is probably really confusing for you in the moment, but our guess is that what actually was happening so is that you and your partner were speaking different love languages.

So if you're wondering what the hell are love languages, there are five different love languages. They are about the ways that we like to receive love. And those five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

And before we go any further, we just quickly want to mention that we are purposefully not mentioning the name of the creator of the five love languages because unfortunately, he has some really negative beliefs that we are just not on board with. Like, believing that homosexuality is a sin, not no sex before marriage. So if you're curious about looking up this concept, like, we think five love languages can be helpful for couples of any identity orientation relationship, but we just purposely don't want to mention his name because we don't want to support those beliefs that he's also on board with. So let's get back to the love languages. So pretty much in every relationship, it's pretty likely that you and your partner are going to speak different love languages. So the ways that they like to be loved are going to be different from the ways that you like to be loved or the the ways that you naturally try to show another person love. So we think it's really useful in relationships for each partner to know each other's love languages so they can better understand how can I show you love in the way that you wanna receive it that's gonna actually be meaningful to you. So we are gonna do videos about all of the love languages, but today we are kicking off with the best one, questionable, which is words of affirmation. And it just so happens to be my love language.

Very convenient.

So if either you or our words of affirmation type just leave me a little comment down below. And yeah, say like, yeah, this is the best love language. I totally agree.

All right, well, if you're brand new to this channel, then hello, we are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist and we've been together for 13 years.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship. Inside of the bedroom and out. So if you're already on board with that. Just. Just go ahead and hit that subscribe button and subscribe to our channel. It'll be like an act of service that you could perform for us to help us feel loved and appreciated. So this video is specifically for partners of somebody who has a words of affirmation love language. So in this case, it would be Xander. So we're gonna try to, like, I need this video. We're teaching Xander. What does he need to do? If you know he is not a words of affirmation person, you'll have to wait until an upcoming video to find out which type he is. So what can he do as someone who's not a words of affirmation person to show me love in my words of affirmation love language.

Because I just don't understand. I'm not words of affirmation. And what we will talk about here is going to be totally confusing to me. It still is. Even though I know that Vanessa loves this stuff, I cannot understand what it's like for her because that is not. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Yeah. So in case the name isn't completely clear enough, basically, people who speak the love language of words of affirmation, the way that they can feel them most loved and appreciated is through words. So we love verbal recognition, praise, compliments. These are the things that are just going to be the most meaningful to us. So if you are Xander, you have a partner who is a words of affirmation person. How can you make them feel loved? Definitely a huge one is to show your appreciation. So verbally thank them for the things that they do for the, you know, give them compliments about the person they are, their good looks, their charm, any of that sort of stuff.

You can also give them verbal encouragement. So, you know, just like, if they're struggling with something, tell them how good of a job they're doing. Tell them, you know, that they're almost there or something like that. Like those. Yeah. How proud you are of them.

You can also share your feelings with your partner on a more regular basis. So specifically, like, feelings of, you know, love and appreciation can be really powerful. Even something like saying I love you can have a huge impact. So for a lot of people, like, for me, I'm like, yeah, say I love you. That's not a big deal. But there are actually a lot of people who just don't naturally think to say I love you all the time.

Another thing you can do is write them notes or letters because obviously words are very important. Words of affirmation. So, you know, a positive note, a positive letter. Tell them how much you love them, tell them why you love them, tell them how wonderful they are.

And this is a great tip for somebody who's not naturally, like a verbal person. So it might be easier for you to, like, text little things to your partner or send them emails rather than, like, saying them out loud.

Yeah, especially, especially if it seems totally weird to you. You're like, I don't know, I'm going to send them this compliment in the middle of the day. It just, it's going to feel like it's coming out of nowhere. Just try to set that aside and just do it and see what happens. I think you'll be surprised, positively surprised at the result.

Another great thing to do is to compliment your partner in front of other people, friends, family members, even acquaintances. It can feel really nice to your partner to be, like, praised and acknowledged in front of company.

Also, just using a pet name for them can be really nice. Like, hey, babe, you're a wonderful person.

Oh, thanks.

Compliment and pet name.

Wow. If you still find yourself feeling stumped, you're just like, I am so not a words of affirmation person. Here are a few specific examples that you can steal. My favorite thing about you is fill in the blank. You make me so happy when you. Or have I told you lately that you.

You can also specifically ask your partner what words or what compliments are the most meaningful to them because it's not just like, you know, you say anything positive and they're going to eat it up. I think each person has their own things that are. That feel particularly meaningful to them. And so, yeah, just ask them what they really like. You know, Vanessa has given me a couple specific phrases I won't say them right now. Couple specific phrases that really kind of fire her up. And it kind of feels like a cheat code to me, but I do it, I say them, and it goes really meaningful. It goes a long way. So it's kind of like, to me it feels so easy, but to her it feels so good. So it's a win. Win.

All right, now we want to tell you a couple of quick things to avoid if your partner's words of affirmation. So don't feel like you have to find the perfect compliment in every situation. I think a lot of people get tripped up about, like, wanting to find the exact, right, perfect words, but that's really not important. What's more important is for you to be authentic. Like, your partner can tell the energy that you're putting behind those words, and that means just as much to them as the words themselves.

Another really important thing is to just be aware, if you guys are teasing each other, that your partner may be more likely than most to take whatever you're saying literally. So I'm not saying that you cannot tease your partner. Just be aware that because your partner words are so important to them, that they may take the words that you say when you're teasing a little more literally. They may not, you know, fully understand that it's just a joke the way that you might. So it's just you two are a little different. Just be aware and be a little careful.

And similarly, be careful about the words that you use during conflict, too, because, again, your partner is likely to take your words very literally. All right, next, we want to talk about how to use your partner's love language in the bedroom. So this is an area that we kind of fleshed out within the love languages, because we were kind of shocked that there's not really a mention of, like, sex and physical intimacy in the love languages. So we kind of came up with some tips for how to use the love languages in the bedroom. So if your partner's words of affirmation, here are some things that they might enjoy.

All right, so give your partner compliments just about how attractive and sexy they are. I know this one might seem obvious, but just try to go out of your way to do this more than.

You might normally initiate sex verbally. That's gonna be a big one.

Yeah. Be specific about why you want to be intimate with them, not just that you do want to be intimate with them.

You can also compliment your partner's technique. Let them know what they're doing. Really good.

Yeah. You can tell your partner just how much you appreciate your sex life.

And you can also praise your partner if they do something that's kind of outside of their comfort zone. Like, give them that acknowledgement of, like, I see you making this effort, and it really means a lot to me.

Yeah. Compliment and encouragement.

All right, so that wraps up our video about what to do if your partner is a words of affirmation type. So before we leave, we have a little gift for you. It is a free guide called the simple daily check in for couples. So this check in is really useful for somebody who's not naturally a words of affirmation type, because it'll give you specific prompts, specific questions that you can use to check in with your partner. Create that deeper intimacy, Give each other that verbal feedback and recognition and acknowledgement. So it's just a really great tool to have in your, in your toolkit. So we will put a link to that in the description box down below.

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Thanks for watching.

See you next time.