Lube 101 - How To Use Lube Effectively

Lube gets a bad rep. Yep. A lot of people think that you only need to use lube if you're doing something wrong or something's wrong with your body. But that could not be any further from the truth. We're actually big fans of using lube. We're big fans of encouraging all couples to use lube.

Oh, yeah.

So today, we're going to break down the stigma surrounding lube in the hopes that you will lube it up in the bedroom.

If you're brand new to our channel, then hello. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. We love lube. Vanessa here is a sex therapist, and we've been together for 13 years.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly exceptional relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you already know that you're interested in that, just go ahead and hit that subscribe button.

Oh, yeah. So, as we were saying, lube has a pretty bad reputation for being sexual, sticky, gooey, and generally just kind of unappealing. Right. And to be honest, if you're going to your closest drugstore to quickly grab some lube, that's probably what you're gonna get.

But lube has come so far. It's so much better than what you can find at cvs. In the last few years, there have been some really incredible options that have come out onto the market. So let's first bust down the myth that you only have to use lube if something is wrong with your body or if you're not turned on enough.

Because here's the thing. Our bodies, they're just not robots. We might feel super turned on in the moment, but when your partner goes to unbutton your pants, your body does not always perform the way you want it to. So using lube doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or your body or your sex life. And it definitely doesn't mean that you're not sexually attracted to your partner.

That's a really important one.

Yeah.

So let's remove the stigma of using lube, because, honestly, lube just makes everything about sex so much better. So lube increases sensation, it increases pleasure. It decreases any pain or discomfort that you might be feeling. It even makes more positions a possibility.

That all sounds good.

Lube can make masturbation a whole lot more fun. And lube can also allow you to incorporate toys in the bedroom. There's seriously nothing that lube doesn't improve. It's such a simple and easy way to increase your Pleasure and enjoyment in the bedroom.

All right, so let's talk a little more specifically about lube. So there's three types of lube. Silicone based, water based and oil based. So we're going to give you a little bit of info on each of those types, some of their pros and cons, because there are pluses and minuses to each, as well as the typical applications for each kind because they each works a little better in different scenarios.

First up, let's talk about silicone based lubes. And I'm starting with this one because it's my personal favorite. I like silicone based lubes because to me, they feel the best against the skin. If you put a little bit of silicone based lube on your skin, like, it feels so, so silky and smooth. It's such a great texture. Now, the downside of silicone based lubes is that they can sometimes stain sheets. So you do have to exercise a little bit of caution before getting too luby. Personally, we only use silicone based lube and we've actually never had a problem with staining sheets. But we have heard from other people that it stained there. So we just want to offer that disclaimer.

Just don't squeeze it all over the bed.

Yeah, like a squeegee bottle just all over the bed.

Keep trying to keep it on your body, you'll be good.

Now the other thing about silicone based lubes is that you don't want to use them. Silicone based toys and the majority of, like, the high quality sex toys on the market are made out of silicone. So you got to think of like, like, with, like, it doesn't work together. So silicone based lubes can actually break down the silicone in a toy. I guess maybe silicone's like a little cannibal, we can say.

Yeah. Generally toys will have some instructions and a recommendation for what type of lube to use or specifically which types not to use. So if it says do not use silicone based lube, don't use that lube if you want your toy to last.

But other than that, there really are no downsides to silicone based lubes. Again, they feel really great against the skin. They last the longest. So you don't need to stop and reapply them. It's not going to dry out on you. It just makes for a really pleasant experience. And I think that in particular, silicone based lubes can be great for inner corners, for masturbation, and especially for anal sex. I actually would not recommend Using any other kind of lube for anal sex in particular.

All right, so moving on to water based lubes. Basically the big pro here is that they're water based, so they don't stain. However, water based lubes are not particularly long lasting and they really often require reapplication. And you know, if you're in the middle of sex or in the middle of whatever activity that you're using lube for, it cannot be so fun. You're in the middle and you're like, oh, huh. Like that friction is coming back. Do I reapply? You know, do I. Wait a minute, do we do it now? It kind of can interrupt the flow.

Yeah, we've definitely used water based lubes before and found that we had to stop to reapply. And also I find that they leave kind of a, like a tacky consistency on your skin. So you can like feel that it's dried up a little bit, which I don't really enjoy.

Yeah. So basically water based lubes are great to be used with silicone based toys, since silicone based lubes are not great because they like, for like they kind of wear each other out.

And finally we have oil based lube. So a lot of people even just use straight up oil as their lube. Coconut oil tends to be the, the most popular one. A lot of people prefer using oils because it just, it's more natural, there are fewer ingredients. Some people, I should have mentioned earlier, do get sensitive to silicone based lubes. They can have reactions to it. So a lot of people like oil based lubes because they find that they have less reactions to it. So if you have really sensitive skin or you've had a bad reaction to a silicone or a water based lube, you might want to give an oil based lube a try. The thing that I don't love about them is that they can be kind of hard to use. There aren't really many great oil based lubricants, lubes that are like in nice, easy to use bottles. A lot of times it's like scooping the scoop out of like a coconut oil jar and it just kind of gets everywhere. I mean, our coconut oil jar makes a huge mess just on our kitchen countertops.

Yeah. And it's not in liquid form. It's a little bit solid. So you know, it's not like. Just squeeze it out.

Yeah. And they are definitely going to stain your sheets. They can be difficult to remove. So you might want to put down like a sheet that you don't mind Getting stained or a towel or something like that so you don't stain your sheets. The other thing to notice about lube, about the oil based lube, is that you definitely don't want to use them with latex condoms because they can break them down. And like Xander was saying earlier about toys, like, if you're ever in doubt, it's just a good practice to, when you're using a condom, using a toy, actually read the instructions and see what lubes they don't want you to use with that product.

Those instructions are there for a reason. All right, so what if you want to use lube during oral sex? Because we get that question asked a number of times. So we recommend sticking with a flavored or an edible lube. So these lubes aren't really great for other uses though. And really do not expect that any flavored lube is going to be particularly tasty. It is not.

Yeah, they're always weird flavors like banana and stuff. And I actually have to say, like, I wouldn't say that I recommend using a flavored lube. I have tried a bunch of them and like, I think they taste terrible. I'm kind of concerned about the ingredients in them. Sometimes they have dyes in them as well. So I just don't think they're a great experience. But if you absolutely want to use your lube for oral sex, don't use a silicone based lube or a water based lube. We've made that mistake. And it tastes terrible.

Yeah. The reason why we say use a flavored lube is because you want to make sure that it is food grade. Like it's not going to make you sick. And so those you are, you know, it's flavored, it's meant to go in your mouth. Like it's. You can be sure that it is not going to screw you up inside.

And you can use an oil based lube in that kind of situation too.

Yeah, that is true. And then one final note about this. If you are trying to conceive and you do want to use lube, please run it by your doctor first because they may have a specific recommendation for your situation.

Okay. So lubes are really a personal preference. Like we were saying, like, we love silicone based lube, but we've heard other people saying, like, I hate silicone based lube. So it kind of brings up the question, like, well, how do I know if I'm going to like a lube or not? So our suggestion for you here is to try before you buy really Good high quality lube is pricey. You're looking at paying anywhere from like 20 to $30 for like a little bottle. It will last you a long time. So it's. It's definitely a better deal than it might feel like.

Unless you go squirting it all over the bed.

Yeah.

Then all bets are off.

Exactly. So what you can do is there are a lot of like high quality sex toy shops that you can buy. Sampler packs.

Yeah.

So it's just like a little packet. It gives you a little bit of that lube. So that way you can try out a whole bunch of different brands and varieties and see which one works best for you and then make a purchase of the bottle that you like the best.

Yeah. Oftentimes if you're buying a toy or whatever from a nice sex shop, they will often give you a couple samples as well.

Yeah. Another option is that a lot of sex toy shops also have sample bottles out there for you.

Yeah. You might think that's weird. It's not for. It's not for gentlemen. Yeah. It's not for doing anything in the shop. Don't worry.

But what you can do is put it on the back of your hand and just test it out there. So you want to like rub it around on your skin and see how it feels on your skin. So you're looking for something that feels really slick, really silky, almost like soft on your skin. Like a really good moisturizer almost. You definitely don't want it to feel tacky or sticky. Like if you bring your finger up and you can like feel it kind of sticking to you, that's not what you're looking for. So you want to be able to glide your finger over your skin without any sort of tugging or pull. Pulling.

Yeah. And also wait a couple minutes after you apply it and then see what it feels like. Because oftentimes, like the water based lubes, it won't feel sticky at first and after a couple minutes it'll kind of be like, oh, that doesn't feel so good.

Exactly. And you can leave it for a little while just to test it out. Because a quality lube will not dry up right away. It won't leave your skin feeling like sticky or tight or dry or anything like that. You'll feel like soft and moisturized. So that's what you're looking for.

All right, so our favorite brands are Pure and Wicked. We're going to put links to purchase those down in the description box below.

Yeah, Pure in particular is like holy grail.

For us.

Yeah, we have tried every lube on the market, I think, but we always come back to pure.

Oh, yeah. All right, so just to wrap up this video, there is no shame in using lube. We are huge fans of using it in the bedroom. We keep it in our bedside table. We hope that after watching this video, you'll start keeping some in your bedside table too. All right, if you like this video, please give us a like. Hit that red button to subscribe and hit the notification icon so you keep getting notified as soon as we come out with new videos.

And if you are feeling ready to incorporate lube into the bedroom but you don't know how to bring it up with your partner, we have the perfect guide for you. We have a free gift called how to start talking about sex with your partner, even if you never have before. We know that it can be really challenging to have these kinds of conversations, so we really have your back with this guy. We've got word for word scripts that you can copy, so we will put a link to that guide down in the description box below. Thanks so much for watching.

See you next time.