Real talk, when Xander initiates I’m only in the mood about 15-20% of the time #podcast #marriedlife

Name: Real talk, when Xander initiates I’m only in the mood about 15-20% of the time #podcast #marriedlife
Uploaded: 2026-05-08T18:31:10+00:00
Duration: 1 min 1 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: In this podcast segment, Vanessa Marin explains that she feels turned on and excited only about 15–20% of the times her husband Xander initiates sexual…

8 May 2026 · 1 min

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In this podcast segment, Vanessa Marin explains that she feels turned on and excited only about 15–20% of the times her husband Xander initiates sexual activity. She clarifies that this low percentage isn’t due to a low sex drive or mismatched drives, but rather reflects the natural variability between two individuals. Rather than using Xander’s initiation as a test of whether she is already horny, Vanessa proposes reframing intimacy around openness—being willing to be intimate and open to the possibility of becoming turned on. This mindset lowers the bar for sexual engagement, making it more realistic and leading to a higher overall frequency of intimate moments in their marriage.

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I would say that of all the times that Xander initiates, I am probably turned on and excited maybe 15 to 20% of the time. And that's not because I have a low sex drive or because we have mismatched sex drives. It's just because we are two different people, and it would be really weird if magically every single time Xander was in the mood, oh my God, I was wildly in the mood too, or vice versa. Like, we're just two different people and we are interested and excited about it at different times. So I don't put the bar as, oh, Xander's initiating shit, am I— did I magically happen to be wildly horny in this exact moment? That's the only way I can say yes. Instead, we think about it in terms of openness. Not am I already horny, but am I open to being intimate? And am I open to the possibility of getting turned on? It brings the bar down. It's so much more realistic, and it means that we wind up having way more shit.