This transcript is from a Vanessa and Xander Marin YouTube video presenting an 11-type "sex personality" model created by Vanessa Marin (a licensed psychotherapist). The video explains the guiding principle that people seek different things from sex, gives brief descriptions of each of the 11 types (Decompressor, Explorer, Fair Trader, Giver, Guardian, Passion Pursuer, Pleasure Seeker, Prioritizer, Romantic, Spiritualist, Thrill Seeker), and encourages viewers to take a free quiz to identify their type and learn compatibility info. The hosts also share their own mixed-type results and close with a call-to-action to subscribe and take the quiz.
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You might already know that you're an ENTJ in Myers Briggs or a 3 in the Enneagram, but do you know your personality type in the bedroom?
Good question.
Hey, there we are. Vanessa and Xander Marin. We're married, and we have been together since 2007. And our mission is to give you the tools that you need to create an extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. I'm a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationships, and I've spent the last 15 years working with thousands of people. I've also served as a featured expert for magazines and websites like the New York Times, oh, the Oprah Magazine, Real simple, and many more.
And I'm her husband. I used to work a pretty normal job, you could say, in the corporate world. But when I started seeing how much of an impact Vanessa was having with her work, I decided I needed to join her so that we could reach even more people. Plus, I picked up some pretty good insight along the way into what does and doesn't make relationships work. And I. I also just really love sharing real stories from our life that can try to help you.
In this video, we are going to talk about the sex personality type model that I created, which includes 11 different personality types.
Wow.
So, yeah, I know 11 sounds like a lot, but I bet you'll be surprised at just how accurate they are once you hear a little bit more about each type.
So after this video, you'll know your sex personality type, and you'll have a way better understanding of your needs and desires during sex. If you have a partner, you'll probably also have a few good guesses about their type as well.
So the guiding principle behind this model is that we're all looking for different things out of sex. We all define great sex in different ways. So my definition of it is going to be really different from Xander's definition, which will be really different from your definition. So my thinking behind the model is that if we can understand why we have sex and what it is that we're looking to get out of it, it can help us communicate those needs to our partner, create the right environment for us to feel desire, and ultimately lead to some pretty damn great sex.
As you listen to the descriptions for each of these types, try to get a sense of which one you relate to the most. You may relate to more than one of the types, but try to pick the one that describes you the best. All right, so let's get into the 11 sex personality types, the decompressor.
For you, sex is all about stress relief. Sex is a way that you blow off steam and you unwind. You may even seek out sex because you're feeling tense. Or you may just spend some time enjoying basking in the afterglow when sex is over.
Who doesn't enjoy that?
Well, decompressors enjoy it extra. For decompressors, you may even like that sex puts you into a really deep sleep afterwards. A lot of decompressors will even masturbate for that exact same reason. Now, for you, orgasms are incredibly important because they bring that feeling of relief or release. So sex just doesn't feel complete to you without that.
The explorer. Sex is your playground. You're all about novelty. You're curious about sex, and you love learning, experimenting, and trying new things in the bedroom. You like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. You don't take sex too seriously, and you can laugh about it if your explorations don't work out perfectly. You may read articles or books about sex. And you might have even signed up for one of our courses.
The Fair Trader. For the Fair Trader, generosity is the most important quality of sex. So you like for there to be a balance in between partners. You want to know that your partner enjoys giving as much as you enjoy receiving and vice versa. It's really important for you to know that both you and your partner are willing and enthusiastic. You're in it together. You're a team. And you really like knowing that you're both open to each other's needs and willing to work together on your sex life.
The giver. You view sex and pleasure as a gift that you give to your partner. Your partner's sexual experience is at least as important to you as your own, and probably even more so. You're very in tune with your partner's experience, and it makes you feel good to know that you can make your partner feel good.
So the Fair trader and the giver are good contrasts because the giver is really all about giving. Fair Trader likes there to be that even balance between giving and receiving. The guardian. For you, it is extremely important for sex to feel safe. You like having this foundation of security with your partner. Boundaries and enthusiastic consent are particularly important to you. They're important for everyone, but especially for you. So some guardians have experienced some sort of sexual abuse or trauma in the past which leads you to seeking safety as an adult. Or you may simply like feeling that bond of trust and security with a partner before being intimate with them.
Yeah, who doesn't like feeling safe? The passion pursuer. You like Sex to feel all encompassing, intense, passionate, maybe even animalistic. You're really in tune with the energy between you and your partner during sex. You love the idea of just letting go and losing yourself in the moment. For you, the best sex is when time just seems to stand still.
The pleasure seeker. For you, sex is all about the pure physical pleasure. Oh yeah, you just like to feel good. So I've had some clients who are pleasure seekers who will say, simple minds, simple pleasures. So even the concept of all these different sex personality types might feel a little weird to you because you think sex is just one of life's simple pleasures. So you may enjoy touch and physical contact throughout the day too. And you don't necessarily need to feel an emotional connection with someone in order to have great sex with them. You may also be a kinesthetic type of person like you learn by doing. And you're very tactile.
The prioritizer. The most important thing for you is that sex is something that you and your partner prioritize over other things in your life. You don't want to make excuses about being too busy or tired. You want to be intimate. Before that, you value your sex life and you're willing to spend time on it and make sacrifices for it. You like sex to be consistent. You may even like having a specific routine around when and how often you have sex.
The romantic. So sex for you is all about connection. You want to experience real emotional intimacy with your partner while you're being physical. So it's important for both you and your partner to be really present in that moment with each other. You can tell if they've checked out or gone somewhere else mentally. Sometimes you may like slower, more drawn out sex. And you may like exchanging I love you during sex or making eye contact.
The spiritualist. You enjoy sex that connects you to a higher purpose. You think sex should be a transcendent experience. Sex is bigger than what's happening just in your body. You may be religious, or you may enjoy learning about Eastern philosophies like tantra.
The thrill seeker. For you, there is a thrill to having sex that feels forbidden or taboo. You may enjoy an element of power play in your sex life, like allowing your partner to dominate you or dominating your partner. So this is a great one to contrast with the explorer. The explorer likes exploration just for exploration's sake. But the thrill seeker is really looking for that sense of the taboo.
You. So that wraps up the 11 sex personality types. Now, you might be wondering, what are our personality types? Well, I think I am Probably a mixture of the passion, pursuer and the romantic, depending on my mood.
I am definitely an explorer and a prioritizer, so I love for sex to feel playful and just, you know, play around with it, explore things. But it's also really important to me for it to be consistent and to be something that we really make an effort within our lives. So as you can see, we have very different types. We also relate to multiple types and we still have a great sex life.
That's right. So we'd love to know if this information was helpful for you. If you like this video, give it a like and leave us a comment down below about what type you are and why. And definitely hit that red button down below to subscribe to our channel so you can keep getting more free resources like this.
And if you are having a hard time deciding which type you are, you should definitely take our free sex personality type quiz. Everyone loves a personality quiz, right?
Oh yeah, we made it easy for you.
So all you do is answer a few questions and we'll tell you exactly what type you are. Even if you feel like you already know which type you are, it's still pretty fun to take the quiz and.
See if you're right.
Plus you will also get even more in depth information about all of the different types as well as descriptions of the compatibility of all the different types. So just like we were saying, yeah, yeah, we have different types, but it doesn't mean we're incompatible. So you'll learn a lot more about how the types fit together. So if you're thinking that you and your partner are different types like we are, you are definitely gonna wanna check this out. So click the link in the description box below to access that quiz. Thanks for watching.
