Sex Therapy vs Relationship Therapy

We can't start a video anymore. What on earth is sex therapy and how is it different from relationship therapy? So as a sex therapist, I get asked this question all the time. And before we even get into it, I'm kind of curious. Have you ever wondered what sex therapy is or been like, kind of confused about it? Let us know in the comments down below. So in this video, we are going to talk about what sex therapy is, what relationship or couple therapy is, how those types of therapy are different, and how to figure out which one might be the right kind of therapy for you.

But before that, we just want to say hi. If you're brand new. Here we are, Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude. We've been together for 13, almost 14 years.

And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship. Inside of the bedroom and out. So if that sounds like something that is of interest to you, go ahead. Yes, hit that subscribe button so you get notified about all of our latest videos. All right, so sex therapy, couples therapy, they do share a lot of similarities. There's this basic idea around, like, understanding yourself and understanding other people, better communication, identifying and expressing needs, navigating different sets of needs, conflict resolution. So there definitely are a lot of overlaps between the two types of therapy.

All right, so let's talk differences, because you might be thinking, all right, like sex and relationships, those things seem super intertwined. So how is there really a difference here? So the real basic difference is the focus of the therapy. Is it on sex or is it on relationships? So sex therapy in particular really tends to be shorter and more action focused on issues you might be having around sexual.

And even though they're so similar, there's a really big difference in the level of training that you receive. So I'm a licensed psychotherapist and I do, you know, marriage therapy, couples therapy, relationship therapy. And in order to get that license, I really didn't need to do any training in sex. We had to take a one unit course. It was basically just teaching you, like the anatomical names for things.

You probably already knew those.

Yeah, of course. But yeah, like specific training in sex therapy wasn't really required to be a couples or relationship therapist. Now I always knew that I wanted to have this particular specialization in sex therapy, but it was a really a struggle for me to figure out my career path because the term sex therapy isn't regulated. So I couldn't just, you know, when I was 22. I couldn't just say, hey, I am a psychotherapist. That term psychotherapist is regulated. I had to get specific training, I had to pass specific licensure tests, do hours, all this kind of stuff to call myself a psychotherapist. But anybody can call themselves a sex therapist and set up a sex therapy practice. So it makes it really complicated to, you know, find people who are really reputable because there's no regulation around it. You don't really need any specific training to like call yourself a sex therapist.

Yeah. And so for that reason, sex therapy tends to be more misunderstood than couples therapy. Because, you know, if you go to a couples therapist, you'd have a basic idea of what kind of background or qualifications that person has. So let's give you a little bit more information about sex therapy. So the basic goal of sex therapy is to help you have a healthier and a happier sex life. And really kind of.

Who doesn't want that?

Yeah, who doesn't want that? You know, the idea is to just educate you about the realities of sex and give you some practical tools to use. So that's kind of like how I was saying earlier that it tends to be shorter and more action, or maybe action and education focused on. Yeah.

So sex therapy can help you out with pretty much any sex related concern that you might have. Like improving your relationship with your body, learning how to experience more pleasure, learning how to orgasm, getting new ideas to shake things up in the bedroom, increasing your sex drive or balancing mismatched sex drives, dealing with performance anxiety, processing negative emotions around, like trauma or negative experiences that you've had, dealing with fantasies, decreasing shame, like so many different things. Anything that's related to sex, that is what sex therapy is there for. Another really important point to make about sex therapy is that it really should be professional. Again, it's not a regulated term. So you can find people doing all sorts of different stuff. But really, professional sex therapy should never involve nudity. It should never involve touch. It should be a very professional experience.

All right, so if you do decide you want to go out and look for a sex therapist, here are some good things to ask about. So it's good to always ask about what type of education or qualifications or licenses they have. Like, are they also a psychotherapist or maybe do they not have any specific training in that area?

Yeah, like for me, for example, like I do share with people, I'm a psychotherapist. I also shared that I got my undergraduate training in human sexuality. So that's my whole degree is around that. So you're looking for somebody that even though there's not this specific set of qualifications that they have to have, that they at least have some training around it.

Yeah, especially if you want to talk about stuff that is maybe, you know, overlapping the wheelhouse of a traditional psychotherapist and a sex therapist, it's probably a good idea to look for someone that does have a psychotherapy background. Unless you're really just looking for very specific education or kind of like pieces of advice. Also, it's good to ask just what does the therapy entail? Because like Vanessa said, sex therapy is not a regulated field. Sex therapist is not a regulated field. Terms. So different people have different ideas of what that is. And so it's good to confirm, like, is this just talk therapy? Confirm that there's no touch or nudity involved?

Yeah. And I do want to clarify, you know, it's not that everybody doing some form of like touch based sex therapy is like a bad person or manipulative. Like touch can be very therapeutic. The same way that we go to like massage therapists to like get touch. That being said, like, you really want to be clear, clear ahead of time that that's what you're getting into and that, that that's something that you are like really feeling is the best fit for you versus like starting to meet with somebody and then realizing like, oh, they want to get touch involved and you don't feel comfortable with that.

Yeah, we hear stories of this all the time where, you know, somebody thinks they're getting, you know, just talk therapy and they go in and then all of a sudden it turns into something different and there's some confusion there. So best to avoid that confusion. Make sure you are getting what you are looking for.

Another thing is just to ask if they have experience with your specific concerns. So you know, I named all these different things that sex therapy can work with. Like different people might have different specialties. So for example, I really specialize in female orgasm. But somebody else may say, like, actually that's not really my thing. So just ask about that. And finally be picky. Like you are going to be talking about a very sensitive subject and, and you want to feel that you are comfortable with this person. Like obviously there's going to be some awkwardness, some sense of like, oh boy, I'm sharing a lot of personal details.

With you, especially right at first.

Yeah, you want to have this sense that like I feel comfortable with this person. I feel like we could develop like A really comfortable relationship. So be picky about that. All right, so if you're listening to this video and you're thinking, like, ooh, where do I get started? This all feels a little intimidating. Then we just wanted to point out that we have a variety of really amazing sex therapy courses. So. So I started creating these years ago because I realized, like, it is a tall ass to ask somebody to come into an office, to talk in person, face to face with this total stranger about the most intimate details of your life. So I started making courses about some of the most popular topics that people would bring up, like female orgasm, mismatched sex drives, better sexual technique. So these courses can be a really great way for you to get started, learn some tools and techniques, and even get a sense of how, hey, do I have something deeper that's coming up for me around this that I actually would want to do? Therapy, Psychotherapy, couples therapy with versus, like, oh, no. I just wanted to, like, learn some fun new positions. And that was pretty great. So we will put a link to check out all of our courses and products in the description box down below.

So that wraps up our video on sex therapy versus relationship or couples therapy. If you like this video, please give it a thumbs up. Hit that red button as well to subscribe to our YouTube channel and click the notification icon so you get notified as soon as we make and post more videos.

All right, see you next time.

Bye.