This content was created by Vanessa Marin. This content was uploaded by Vanessa Marin. This is a YouTube video titled "Should Stay At Home Moms/Parents Do Everything?" featuring a conversation between Vanessa Marin and Xander Marin. The video, created on October 19, 2021, discusses the perception and responsibilities of stay-at-home parents, emphasizing the importance of intentional division of household tasks to prevent resentment and promote relationship satisfaction.
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No, I need to start a video later.
Before we even get started, we got a question for you. Do you think being a stay at home parent is an easy job? Let us know down in the comments.
So a lot of people do. I think there's this perception that a stay at home parent, like, they get to stay at home, they don't have to go into work. Like, it kind of sounds like an easier gig. And I think because of that, a lot of people make this assumption that stay at home parent should also be responsible for all of the household work. It's like you're already there, you're just hanging out at home. So, like, you might as well do some of the work. So we're talking about things like, you know, running the kids to and from all of their activities. Cleaning, cooking meals, doing laundry, making sure everybody's schedule is set, grocery shopping. Yeah, there's so many different things. The list goes on and on and on.
So should stay at home parents have to do all of the work? That is what we are going to be talking about today. But before we get into that, we just want to say hi. If you're brand new here, I'm Xander. This is Vanessa Marin. Vanessa's a sex therapist.
I get the last name.
You do? I don't have one, but yeah, she's a chair.
Just Xander.
Yeah. We've been together for 13 years.
And if you're hearing any light rumbling sounds in the background of this video, that's because we also have our special guest back. We've got Winston the pug here and Maggie the pug back here off camera. So our account is here to give you the tools, tricks and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. So if you already know that you're interested in that or you just want to show the pug some love, go ahead and hit that subscribe button. All right, so let's get right into it. Like, should stay at home parents also have to do all of the work around the house? So first, what we thought we'd talk about is how much time being a stay at home parent actually takes. Because again, there's this like, idea. Idea, right, that like, yeah, you're just hanging out around the house, like, probably not doing that much.
Yeah, it's easy, right?
So it of course, depends on the size of the home, number of family members, pets, all that kind of stuff. But a lot of studies have found that on average, stay at home parents work about 98 hours a week.
That's A lot. That's a lot more than a full time job, right?
Yeah. And you heard that correctly. That was not 9.8, it was 98 hours a week. So salary.com said that based on the amount of hours that are worked and.
Probably the type of work.
Yeah. That stay at home parents should be given a salary of about $178,000.
Yeah. That's a lot. And that doesn't even take into account mental load, which is all of the stuff that you need to be thinking about, keeping track of what tasks have been done, what stuff is running out while you're doing all that work. It's not even the work itself. And this can take even time and effort. So if that is resonating with you, I would recommend you check out our video on mental load for more on this topic. We'll link to it right up there.
Yeah. And especially if you've never heard that topic before, you're like, wait, what does that mean? Definitely go check out that video. So there's also the reality that stay at home parents free up a lot of space for their maybe more traditionally employed partner to be able to focus on that work. So the partner who's like leaving and you know, maybe going to a job outside of the home, there are so many things that they don't have to do, they don't have to think about. They're able to just focus on their work. And that's really thanks to the stay at home parent.
Yeah. And finally, we really need to acknowledge the importance of what stay at home parents are doing. All that work is so important. The reality is what is more important in life than taking care of your family? You know, that's. That may be why one member of the family is going out and working. And that also is why one member of the family may be at home taking care of the kids, taking care of the home. Sure, we all need money to survive, but nurturing a family is really what is going to create that true happiness and satisfaction.
Yeah. So we really think for all these reasons and more that thinking of stay at home parents is like doing less or like not really working, that this is a really harmful and outdated stereotype. So it should come as no surprise that we believe that stay at home parents should not automatically have to do all of the housework just because they happen to be at home. We really believe that housework should be intentionally and thoughtfully split in a relationship. So this is going to look different for every family. It's not necessarily like 50, 50 will work for Every relationship. But we really think that that process of being intentional about it is so important because the reality is, you know, when one person feels like they're taking on more than the other person is, or there are a lot of conversations that aren't being had, things that are going unspoken, it's so, so easy for resentment to build and for the relationship to really suffer. So we really think it's important to have these kinds of open, honest conversations about how you want to share responsibilities in your relationship or your family.
All right, so you might be wondering now, all right, how do I actually do this? Don't worry. We got your back with our mental load workbook.
Okay, so the mental load workbook is a long list of all of the different tasks that you might have in your household. So we've done that work for you of, like, already listing everything out. And then the workbook itself will guide you through figuring out who's currently doing those tasks and who you want to be doing those tasks. So it'll help you feel more appreciation for each other, because you're going to get everything out in the open and realize, like, oh, wow, we're doing a lot of stuff together and individually. And then it's going to help you figure out how to divide that workload up in a way that's going to feel fair and balanced in your relationship. Because, again, like, 50, 50 is not going to work for every single relationship. So in the end, you'll have a list of exactly what needs to be taken care of and who is responsible for it. So that way, there's a sense of, like, clarity. There's a sense of accountability. It's just such a valuable exercise to go through with each other. We've done it ourselves a number of times, and it's just this huge load that gets lifted off of our minds, our bodies, our relationships. So it's such a great product. It's really inexpensive. So we highly recommend it if this is something that you. You might be struggling with in your relationship.
All right, so that wraps up our video on should stay at home, Parents do everything. If you like the video, you can give it a like. You can also hit the red button to subscribe to our channel. And while you're at it, hit the notification icon so you keep getting notified as soon as we post more videos.
