YouTube video (hosts Vanessa and Xander Marin) exploring whether couples should use the bathroom in front of each other. The video lists reasons couples do (limited bathrooms, indifference, intimacy/vulnerability, rare quiet time for busy parents) and reasons they don't (desire for privacy/mystery, sensory turn-offs). Hosts share personal boundaries (Vanessa avoids peeing in front of Xander; Xander urinates in front of Vanessa regularly; neither poops in front of the other) and conclude there's no single right answer—do what feels right for your relationship.
Chapters
We can't start a video like that. Today's video is inspired by a lot of DMs that we got after a recent podcast episode that we released. So in that episode, we were just going off on a tangent and I very casually mentioned that, very casually, that Xander has never seen me pee. And we got so many DMs horrified. DMs very horrified of people wondering why the hell not. So if you have never listened to our Pillow Talks podcast, we will put a link to check out that particular episode in the description box. And you should definitely check it out because it's a great podcast. But today we wanted to get into this very controversial question of should you use the bathroom in front of your partner in a long term relationship? So people have very strong opinions on either side of this. So we thought we'd make a video to kind of break down this debate for and against using the bathroom in front of your partner. And we are going to tell you out our feelings on the issue. You already know what we do now, but we're going to talk a little bit about why we do it that way. So before we get into it, we want to know, how do you feel about this? What side of the debate do you come down on? So let us know. Do you use the bathroom in front of your partner? Tell us in the comments below.
But first, if you're brand new here, then we want to say, hi, this is Vanessa. I'm Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude and we've been married for 14 years. Also, if you happen to see them, these cute little faces to the side of us are our pugs, Maggie and Winston.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside of the bedroom and out. And we would really greatly appreciate your support by subscribing to our channel so that we can continue making new videos. All right, so let's jump into it. We are going to start with why some couples choose to use the bathroom in front of each other. Like we said before, people feel very passionately about this. And when we've talked to them, they have shared a number of reasons for why they prefer to to use the bathroom in front of each other.
All right, so let's start with the most basic or perhaps the most obvious one. You only have one bathroom and there's really no other way to avoid it. Like, it's all in the same place. Someone's getting ready at the sink. Someone's gotta use the bathroom. What do you do?
Yeah. Another really common reason was people said, we just don't care. Like, using the bathroom, it doesn't feel like that big of a deal. We've seen each other doing a lot of other things and a lot of other contexts. So, like, who cares? Why, you know, why even bother to make a deal out of it?
Yeah, some people do it because it feels like it builds a kind of intimacy. You know, it feels really intimate letting your partner see all of you. I guess I'm not really sure you can see all of you, but doing it. But, you know, it's just seeing you in a very. In a vulnerable situation. It builds closeness and intimacy.
And for some couples, they said it's one of the rare moments of connection that we have during the day. Like, especially from busy parents who are wrangling the kids all day, not really getting to spend a lot of quality time with each other. Some couples told us, like, bathroom time is actually really great hangout time. Like, we can close the door, we can be alone. Like, even just from a practical standpoint, it's just a great opportunity to have, like, a peaceful moment with each other. So why not use that time together for a little quality time?
All right, now let's flip this script. What are some reasons why couples don't use the bathroom in front of each other? So a lot of people say that they want to maintain a sense of mystery. Also, that you might just want privacy when it comes to your own bodily functions. And other people report that it is a turn off to hear certain sounds or smell certain odors that come from someone that you are attracted to when they're going to the bathroom.
All right, so let's talk a little bit more about what goes on in the bathrooms in this house. Yes, we already told you. Xander's never seen me pee, but he pees in front of me all the time, multiple times a day.
She's somewhat intrigued by it.
Neither one of us has ever pooped in front of each other. That's always a closed door situation.
We have maintained that mystery.
Yes. So for me, my why behind this is I just prefer to have some privacy and alone time in those moments. It's not like a huge source of shame or this feeling like I have to keep the mystery alive. Like, I don't feel any strong emotions around it. It's more like I just want to have a minute to myself, just close the door, be on my own, do my own thing, and move on with my day.
Yeah, I definitely enjoy my alone time when I'm pooping. Enjoy my alone time, my YouTub videos.
It's quite a bit more time for you.
Sometimes it is, sometimes it is. But look, here's the bottom line. There are so many opinions on this, but there's really no right or wrong answer. All there is is what feels right in your relationship. So just do whatever feels good to you.
All right, so that wraps up our video on whether or not you should use the bathroom in front of your partner.
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