STITCH: What kind of reaction is your partner looking for?

Name: STITCH: What kind of reaction is your partner looking for?
Uploaded: 2023-03-10T11:30:14+00:00
Duration: 1 min 6 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: Vanessa Marin (couples therapist) presents a brief communication tip for partners: explicitly state the reaction you want (listen, advice, or emotional…

10 Mar 2023 · 1 min

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1:06

Vanessa Marin (couples therapist) presents a brief communication tip for partners: explicitly state the reaction you want (listen, advice, or emotional support) before sharing, or ask your partner which response they want. She explains this reduces mismatched responses—venting vs. problem-solving—and recommends pausing to clarify needs to improve interactions.

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Do you want me to listen, offer advice, or get angry on your behalf? Get angry on my behalf. Okay, great. I cannot believe.
Okay, wait. I'm a couples therapist, and this is actually one of my favorite communication tips. I use it all the time with my husband. It's so simple to do, but it really sets you up for much better communication. And you can do this both as the listener, like you're seeing in this video, or as the speaker, like, before you're about to tell your partner something, let them know what it is that you want want. And it works so well because we've all had experiences being on the other end of this, right? Like, you tell your partner something, you're just trying to vent to them, but then they jump into problem solving mode and you wind up not feeling very listened to. Or maybe you wanted your partner to help you solve a problem, but all they did was just say, oh, that sucks. Sorry to hear. And you're like, wait, but what's the next step? So take that extra second to just share with your partner what it is you need from them. If your partner's sharing something with you, ask them for that clarification and let me know if this helps you have better communication with each other.