Vanessa Marin and Xander Marin explain grinding, one of the most common ways women reach orgasm. They cover how it works, surfaces people use, and how to incorporate it into partnered positions like woman-on-top and flipped missionary.
Questions this video answers
April 19, 2022
14 years
Chapters
We can't start a video today. We are answering a question that a lot of women and vulva owners are incredibly embarrassed about. Is it normal to grind your way to an orgasm? So before we get into it, we want to know, is this something you've ever been curious about? Have you even heard of grinding technique? Do you have no idea what the heck we're talking about? Let us know down in the comments below.
But first, we want to say if you're brand new to this channel, hello. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist, and we've been together for 14 years. Also, these cute little faces next to us are our two pugs, Maggie and Winston.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to have a truly extraordinary relationship. Inside of the bedroom and out. So if you are interested in that, because who wouldn't be?
Sounds good.
Then just go ahead and hit that subscribe button. All right, so let's get into it.
Yeah.
What the heck is grinding? What are we talking about? So grinding is a clitoral stimulation technique, and it's kind of an obvious word. Grinding. You're grinding against something to create that sensation against your clitoris. So the thing that a lot of people don't realize is that this is actually one of the top three most common ways that women reach orgasm.
Something to try, maybe. If you haven't before.
Yes, but for some reason, we just don't talk about it. I mean, we don't talk about female masturbation in general very much, but we definitely don't talk about the grinding technique. So every person that I've ever talked to who uses this technique feels like they're very alone. They are doing this weird thing that nobody else does, and they somehow just managed to figure it out all on their own. But nobody else has ever figured it out.
Right. Sorry. That's not quite true.
So grinding is typically done on your stomach, but we'll talk about a lot of the variations that it can take on. And a lot of women or vulnerable owners discover grinding as children, which can lead to a lot of that embarrassment.
Yeah.
A lot of kids will grind up against things, and it's really important to mention that kids don't see this as masturbation. They just kind of think of it as fun. Hey, this feels good. Let me explore my body.
But adults see it as masturbation, and that can create some issues if you get shamed about it. Yeah.
So a lot of people have these shameful memories of. I think I Used to do this really weird thing as a kid, and it still feels really good as an adult. And it just leads to all the complicated feelings around grinding.
All right, so what kind of things do people actually grind on? So grinding the details. Yeah, let's get to the nitty gritty grindy details. So grinding surfaces, they can be hard. So it could be like a furniture leg, some jungle gym equipment, a TV remote, perhaps maybe even a hairbrush. But they could also be soft. It could be a pillow, a blanket, some bunched up clothes or a towel maybe. But at the end of the day, no matter what you use to grind, we want to normalize the fact this is completely normal. And we want to help you feel comfortable doing it on your own or with a partner.
Okay, so one of the big questions that I always get from women is, okay, I do this on my own, but I don't want to do it with my partner? Or how do I even translate that? So, like Xander was saying, we really want to normalize grinding. And say, like, this is nothing embarrassing. You don't have to feel ashamed doing it in front of your partner. So let's talk about some common sex positions. If you're having sex with a man, that can work well for getting that kind of grinding stimulation. So woman on top or cowgirl position, that tends to work really well because your clitoris is just naturally rubbing against your partner's abdomen. You can kind of change the angles of your body as well. This also is a position that you could use if you're having sex with a person of any gender who's using a strap on as well. Another great one is flipped missionary. This is like what you think of as traditional missionary, but the partner who is being penetrated is flipped over onto your stomach. So you'll notice on the stomach position, Right? So you can do some of that same grinding sensation that you would normally do when you were on your own in this position.
Good idea.
So if you want to learn more about either of these positions and a bunch of other positions, make sure to check out the video that we will put in the description box below. We've done videos where we go into detail on some of the best positions for female orgasms. So we'll put a link to that down below. So as a final reminder, grinding is totally normal. It is very common. We way more people do it than you realize, and there is seriously nothing to be ashamed about.
All right, so that wraps up our video on the grinding technique. If you like this video, you can give it a like you can also hit the red button to subscribe to our YouTube channel and the notification icon so you get notified as soon as we post more.
