Sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband Xander suggest treating your sex life like a hobby. They use cooking as an analogy: you wouldn't expect to be good at it without practice, books, and tools. The same goes for sex.
Questions this video answers
Sex Talks (described as a New York Times best-selling book).
February 10, 2025.
Chapters
Stop scrolling. If you want a simple mindset hack that is going to completely change the way you think about your sex life. Hey there. I'm Vanessa. I'm a sex therapist and together with my husband Xander.
Hi.
We co wrote the New York Times best selling book, Sex Talks.
If you're looking for more practical relationship advice, make sure you give us a follow.
We have a great analogy you can use if you or your partner think that sex should just happen naturally. So here. Here's the trick. View your sex life like a hobby. Hear me out. We both love cooking, but we weren't born being expert chefs, right? And we didn't judge ourselves for that. Like, we understood that if we wanted to become great at cooking, we were gonna need to explore some cooking techniques, play around with new ingredients, and practice some recipes.
And getting better at cooking actually feels fun and exciting. I mean, we don't beat ourselves up being like, oh my God, we're so much better at cooking now than we used to be. That's so embarrassing.
And we didn't judge ourselves for wanting to buy new cookbooks or new cooking equipment. If anything, the fact that we wanted to invest more time and energy into this hobby feels exciting. It's like a sign of how much we value and respect cooking.
Also, buying a new cookbook doesn't say anything about the food you already make. I mean, you don't know what you don't know.
So here's our question for you. Why not treat your sex life the exact same way? See it as a hobby. One, you excitedly invest your time, money and energy into. Into getting better and better and better at. We have a lot more to say about this analogy, so stay tuned for part two.
