The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm (For Women!)

What comes to mind when you hear the word orgasm? Does it make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed? Does the whole process feel baffling to you? Are you still waiting to have your first orgasm or do you struggle to orgasm consistently on your own and with your partner? If you answered yes to any of these questions, this video is going to be game changing for you. Hey there. I'm Vanessa Marin. I am a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationship therapy. I've spent the last 15 years teaching thousands of women how to orgasm and have served as a featured expert for magazines and websites like the New York Times, oh, the Oprah Magazine, Real simple and many more. Buzzfeed even called me the Orgasm Whisperer. In this video, I'm going to be teaching you what an orgasm is, how female orgasm works, how many different types of female orgasm there are, how long it takes for a woman to reach orgasm, what an orgasm feels like, and how to know if you've had an orgasm because it's not always obvious. Yes, we are going to cover all of this in one video. So you're going to walk away from this video fully equipped with all of the knowledge you need to start having your first orgasms. So like I mentioned, over the past 15 years I have taught thousands of women how to have their first orgasms via my online course, Finishing School. But almost every single one of these women has said, I feel like I must be the only woman in the world who hasn't had an orgasm yet. We're all so afraid that there's something wrong with us or that we're broken in some way. I struggled with my own orgasm for over 10 years, so I totally get this feeling. We worry that we're more complicated or more difficult than other women and so much of this anxiety is due to the ways that orgasm is talked about and portrayed in the media, especially, especially in movies and porn. You see all these articles saying that all you have to do to have an orgasm is just relax and just let it happen. You see women having orgasms after 30 seconds of stimulation, women orgasming from penetration alone, and these insane, over the top, earth shattering orgasms. But the truth is that that is just not how orgasm works. When all you've been given is inaccurate information, you are being set up to feel like a failure. So I want to share with you the truth about how orgasm really works and how it doesn't work. So what is an orgasm anyway? Want to know something crazy? There isn't a universally agreed upon definition of what an orgasm even is. In the first place, most people will say that an orgasm is an experience of physical pleasure during some sort of sexual activity. Sometimes an orgasm can feel like a peak experience of pleasure, but that is not always the case. Now, the average orgasm can last from anywhere from 2 to 20 seconds. It can feel like waves of pleasure, or it can feel like a single burst. Orgasms sometimes bring a sense of relief or release, but not always the same. Woman can have very different experiences with orgasm. Sometimes orgasm can feel wildly pleasurable. Other times, it feels like just a tiny little blip. Sometimes a woman will feel done after having an orgasm, but sometimes she doesn't. Orgasms really are like snowflakes. No two are alike. Now, let's talk about how female orgasm works. Most women feel like they're supposed to orgasm from penetration alone. But the reality is that only about 20% of women orgasm from penetration. So I first want to acknowledge that you might feel pretty bummed to hear this news. It's completely understandable to feel frustrated, and I don't blame you if you do. I was disappointed when I found it out for myself. We've all been socialized to believe that orgasm should happen from penetration. So, of course that's what we expect. But the truth is that female orgasm really boils down to clitoral stimulation. Now, we've also been socialized to believe that the clitoris is somehow a dirty word, that it's something kind of complicated and weird and even shameful. You've been socialized to believe that the right way to orgasm is through penetration. So, of course, this news is going to feel disappointing. But the truth is that female orgasm really boils down to the clitoris. So what are we talking about here? I've got my handy dandy 3D model and also gold of the female clitoris. So, yes, this is what the clitoris actually looks like. Now, one of the coolest facts about the clitoris is that it is much larger than most people realize and a very different shape than most people think. Most of us think of the clitoris as only this little nub of skin. So this is the part of the clitoris that's actually visible to the eye. But the clitoris extends up into your body and splits into these two legs, which are called crura. So it's kind of like a wishbone shape. These legs are much longer than just the little tiny bit of the nub that most people think of as the clitoris. And here's where it gets even more interesting. These internal parts of the clitoris are what are getting stimulated when a woman experiences internal pleasure or has an orgasm from penetration. So some women orgasm by directly or indirectly touching the outside of the clitoris, while others can orgasm when the inner portions of the clitoris are getting stimulated. But the bottom line is it all comes back to the clitoris in one way or another. Now, how many different types of female orgasm are there? You've probably seen tons of different articles talking about all of the different kinds of female orgasm. Clitoral orgasm, vaginal orgasm, G spot orgasm, blended orgasm, cervical orgasms, A spot orgasms, U spot orgasms, anal orgasms, even breath, skin, thought, sleep and nipple orgasms. Now, most women feel really ashamed when they read about all of these different types of orgasms. I hear things like, I can't even have one orgasm. Now I'm supposed to be having 15 different kinds. But the truth is that female orgasm is really all about the clitoris. If you want to have orgasms, and especially if you've never had an orgasm before, you want to focus on the clitoris. These so called internal orgasms like vaginal, G spot and cervical are actually caused by clitoral stimulation. Remember how the clitoris extends up into the body? It's a different part of the clitoris that's being stimulated, but it's still the clitoris. Now, when it comes to other parts of your body, you can experience pleasure in any part of your body. And it's incredible to explore your body and find all of the different areas that bring you joy and delight. So if your breasts bring you a lot of pleasure, that's awesome. If you want to try to feel more pleasure in your thighs, that's amazing. But when we're talking about straight up orgasm, the clitoris is where you really want to focus your attention. How long does it take for a woman to orgasm? The average woman requires about 20 minutes of focused stimulation to reach orgasm. Now that's an average. So there are women who can reach orgasm in as little as 30 seconds and others who need 30 minutes or more. But 20 minutes is the rough average. Now this particular fact is always shocking to the women that I work with because they realize how little time they actually give themselves. Most women get frustrated and usually give up if they don't climax in one or two minutes. So think about the last time you tried to have an orgasm. You probably gave up on it pretty quickly, right? Now the good news is that once you learn how to have an orgasm, you can actually bring that timeline down significantly. You can learn how to get there so much faster so I've had clients who needed an hour to learn how to orgasm the first time. But over time, they were able to make themselves orgasm in a matter of minutes. And here's the thing about timing. However long your body takes to reach orgasm is however long your body takes to reach orgasm. It's just what your body needs. I know that we all love instant gratification, but we also have to respect our body's natural state. Would you get mad at your body for growing toenails too slowly or breathing too quickly? Obviously, these are silly examples. But my point is that our bodies operate in certain ways and have certain needs. It's totally fine to wish that orgasm was as easy as snapping your fingers, but you also have to be realistic about how orgasm actually works. Now let's talk about what orgasm feels like. The short answer? It's a different experience for every woman every time. Some orgasms feel massive and explosive, but others only feel like small little quakes. Some orgasms feel centered around your genitals, and some orgasms feel like they spread through your entire body. Some orgasms are accompanied by that sense of relief or release being done. And some orgasms leave you wanting more. You will never fully know the answer because your orgasm will keep surprising you every single time. So that leads us into the question, how do you know if you've had an orgasm? Now, if you're unsure about whether or not you've had an orgasm, there are a couple of physiological signs that you can look for. One of the most obvious ones is involuntary muscular contractions in your vagina and rectum. You don't get these contractions with every single orgasm, but they are pretty common, and they tend to be the most reliable physiological sign that you've had an orgasm. So if it feels like your muscles are pulsing but you're not doing anything to move them, that's a pretty good sign that you've had an orgasm. If you can't tell if you're having muscular contractions, you can insert one of your fingers into your vagina. You should be able to feel the muscles lightly squeezing down on your finger. You can also try pressing a finger against your anus, since your anus will also pulsate with those involuntary contractions. You can also look directly at your genitals to see if you can spot a more subtle muscle contraction. A good place to look is at the clitoris itself. You might be able to see tiny little pulses. Another common physiological sign is an extra sensitive clitoris. Your clitoris might feel like it cannot be touched or stimulated at all, it suddenly goes from feeling pretty good to feeling awful. So if you feel a strong knee jerk reaction to stop clitoral stimulation, that's a pretty good sign that you've had an orgasm. Here are some other signs that you can look for. You might get what's called the sex flush. This is a red flushing that can spread across your chest. It almost looks like a rash. For some women, you might release a large amount of lubrication. You might get goosebumps, your heart rate might go through the roof, or your breathing patterns might change. All right, that wraps up this ultimate guide to female orgasm. If you like this video, please give it a like or better yet, comment down below about which orgasm fact surprised you the most. And to keep getting more free resources like this, make sure to subscribe to my channel. I also have a gift for you. So now that you know the truth about how female orgasm works, it's time to start having them. So click the link in the description box below to download my free guide, the best way to have your first Orgasm. This guide will reveal the most successful way to have an orgasm according to recent scientific research, plus specific tips and strategies for putting my technique to use right away. Thanks for watching and see you next time.