These 4 Communication Mistakes Cause Breakups

Name: These 4 Communication Mistakes Cause Breakups
Uploaded: 2024-06-20T10:00:50+00:00
Duration: 1 min 18 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: Vanessa Marin and Xander Marin identify defensiveness as a major communication mistake in relationships. Xander describes his strategy: catch yourself…

20 Jun 2024 · 1 min

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1:18

Vanessa Marin and Xander Marin identify defensiveness as a major communication mistake in relationships. Xander describes his strategy: catch yourself being defensive, apologize and rephrase to your partner, take a breath, and be patient with yourself when you slip up.

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Will absolutely call myself out here. Of all the four Horsemen, defensiveness is definitely the one that comes up for me the most. And I want to be really clear. Like, I do everything I can to try to not be defensive, and I think that very often I succeed in that. And the reality is, is that, you know, I'm not 100% with it, but the key is being able to identify it as quickly as possible. It's not like, oh, my God, I'm a horrible person because I got defensive. It's like, hey, I'm feeling that defensiveness coming up, and I know that I just responded to Vanessa in a way that was defensive, and I can identify that, so I get to call that out. Like, I have the opportunity to do better now, so I'll be like, hey, you know what? I'm so sorry that what I just said right there was super defensive. I was feeling really defensive, and I didn't like the way that sounded, and I didn't like the way that felt. Let me try again. I'm going to take a breath and try again, and then you have the opportunity to do it again, then, of course, I would prefer to, like, never respond defensively. But the reality is, is, you know, I. I have patience with myself. I know that it's gonna happen sometimes, despite my best intentions and my best efforts. And so I just do the next best thing, the next right action, which is to acknowledge it and. And to try again.