Understanding Not Agreement

A lot of us feel this temptation to make the jump from, okay, well, if I start to try to ask any questions or start to try to understand a little bit about someone else's perspective, I think that we think, oh, my God, then I'm going to have to agree with them. And, like, you don't have to agree. I can understand all kinds of things that I don't necessarily agree with them, but I can have empathy for them and understanding, okay, this is what is going on for them.

So we're aiming for understanding, not for agreement. Like, you want to try to understand and see your partner's perspective. But like Xander's saying, that doesn't mean that you have to agree. And I think what's most crucial here is that there's space for both people to be quote, unquote, right. Like, your experience is valid and real simply because it's your experience. Your partner's experience is valid and real simply because it's their experience. And it doesn't mean that there's only room for one right experience here. Like, we often approach conflict from this place of scarcity, but conflict takes on a totally different energy when we. When you can recognize that there's space for both of your experiences to be valid.