We Can Do Hard Things Episode

Name: We Can Do Hard Things Episode
Uploaded: 2023-06-07T10:00:10+00:00
Duration: 1 min 14 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: Vanessa Marin (host) describes what she calls the "inhibition effect": in long-term relationships sexual interactions become predictable and scripted…

7 Jun 2023 · 1 min

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1:14

Vanessa Marin (host) describes what she calls the "inhibition effect": in long-term relationships sexual interactions become predictable and scripted, which increases vulnerability and makes partners less likely to suggest or try new sexual behaviors for fear of embarrassment or hurting the partner. She argues this constraint grows over time as patterns harden.

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I have noticed what I call the inhibition effect, that the longer we're in relationships, the more narrow sex starts to look. So yeah, just like you're saying, you would think I'm more comfortable with you. We've known each other for longer. I should be willing to try new things, push my comfort zones. But if you look at the reality of what's happening for most long term couples, the way that they have sex, like you can script it out. You know exactly what sex looks like. It's 30 seconds of this and then it's 10 seconds of groping and it's 5 seconds of kid and then we do it in this position and it takes this long and you know, and we jump up afterwards. Like it's just so predictable. We can script it right out. So yeah, I've actually found that our, our sense of vulnerability seems to increase the longer that we've been with somebody we feel too embarrassed to like. Oh well, been doing it this way for that long. I can't suggest something new or I would hurt my partner's feelings if I asked for this, or I don't want to suggest this and get turned down because it's going to hurt so much more now than it would have when we were just starting to date. It sounds, it sounds counterintuitive, but it's not. When you think about any long relationship as a pattern.