“What do I do about low libido?”

Most of us are thinking about desire in our relationships in the wrong way, and we're actually sabotaging intimacy as a result. Now, before I go any further, I have to say that enthusiastic consent is of the utmost importance. There is far too much crappy advice on the Internet telling women to just have sex that they don't want to have, and that is definitely not what I am intending to do here. That being said, you do not have to have desire in order to have great sex. There have been plenty of times that I didn't necessarily have the desire to have sex with my husband, Xander, but I decided to do it because I felt connected to him, and I also felt confident that the experience would be a pleasurable one for me. Now, if both of those things are not true for you, this advice does not apply. There are actually lots of things in my life that I don't feel the desire to do, but I wind up feeling happy that I did. Like, who has not had a plan with a friend and caught themselves thinking, oh, I'd rather just stay at home in my sweats and watch Bravo. And here's where we get to the real heart of the problem. We are prioritizing the desire over the pleasure. We don't put this same pressure on desire outside of the bedroom as we do inside of the bedroom. So, again, feeling desire is fun. But I think feeling pleasure, connection, and intimacy are a lot more fun. So why don't we find some better reasons to say yes to sex instead of just thinking we have to be wildly horny all the time?