What if you’re not in the mood when they initiate?

Name: What if you’re not in the mood when they initiate?
Uploaded: 2024-02-03T11:15:00+00:00
Duration: 1 min 9 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, says most people expect to be instantly aroused when a partner initiates sex. She's only in the mood about 20-25% of the…

3 Feb 2024 · 1 min

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1:09

Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, says most people expect to be instantly aroused when a partner initiates sex. She's only in the mood about 20-25% of the time it happens. Instead of panicking, ask yourself if you're open to connecting and see if arousal follows.

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I'm a sex therapist and want to know how often I'm in the mood when my husband initiates sex. Probably 20 to 25% of the time. Now, if that number sounds surprising to you, it's probably because you're falling for a classic initiation myth. Most of us think that we are supposed to be turned on in the exact moment that our partner initiates. And that can lead to this feeling of being put on the spot, feeling embarrassed or ashamed that you're not turned on when they initiate. But here's the thing. You and your partner are two totally different people, and it would just be too much of a coincidence for you both to be wildly turned on and ready to go in the exact same moment every single time. Reality is that the majority of the time your partner initiates, you are going to be in a very different sort of place. So instead of asking yourself in that moment, oh, my God, am I turned on right now? Tell yourself, my partner wants to connect with me. They want to be close to me right now. Am I open to seeing. Seeing if I can get turned on? Am I open to seeing if I can connect with them that way? You just lower the bar. You bring expectations back to normal, and you might find that you are so much more open to connection.