What To Do About Performance Issues

Name: What To Do About Performance Issues
Uploaded: 2024-04-04T10:00:43+00:00
Duration: 1 min 26 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: Vanessa Marin explains that many men experience intense pressures around sexual performance (initiating, maintaining erection, timing) and that common…

4 Apr 2024 · 1 min

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1:26

Vanessa Marin explains that many men experience intense pressures around sexual performance (initiating, maintaining erection, timing) and that common negative reactions from female partners—anger, disappointment, withdrawal—tend to worsen these performance issues. She reflects on having previously reacted in those unhelpful ways and emphasizes learning tools to manage her own emotions and improve communication in intimate moments.

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I think a lot of us women just don't fully understand the pressures that men feel when it comes to sex. Like, when I talk to men, they tell me things like, you know, I feel like I'm supposed to be the initiator. I'm supposed to get hard immediately and stay rock hard the entire time. I'm supposed to last the perfect amount of time, like, not too short, not too long. It really is this intensity of feeling like, you know, every aspect of. Of these interactions are my responsibility. It's a lot. It's really a lot to deal with. It's not this overly simplistic, like, view that a lot of us women have. And so the challenge for us women is that if we have a reaction, getting angry, disappointed, sad, rolling over and going to bed, like, your partner is so much more likely to have a performance issue. Again, like, you're part. You're never gonna solve performance issues by getting upset or crying or saying, like, what's wrong with me? Why aren't attracted to me anymore? That's never gonna make the situation better. I understand that inclination. Like I said, like, I. You know, it's. It's tough to admit, but, like, I have had all of those reactions before, so I get it. I understand, like, the fears that can come up for us. And now, having learned better tools and techniques in the moment, what to do, how to manage my own feelings, like, I can see how I contributed to the problem and made it so much worse.