A short YouTube video (hosts Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, and her partner Xander) offering guidance for people whose partners refuse period sex. They normalize period sex, recommend first asking what specifically is causing the partner's reluctance, give an anecdote about resolving a misunderstanding, call out shaming as unacceptable, and offer practical prep strategies (low lighting, dark towels/sheets, timing lighter-flow days, shower sex, menstrual discs) to reduce squeamishness and logistical concerns.
Chapters
We need to start a video. You and your partner, you're both super turned on wanting to be intimate.
Yes.
But it's that time of the month.
No.
And they are just not on board with period sex. So we want to be perfectly clear. Our perspective is that everybody gets to have their own boundaries for their own sex life and what they do with their own bodies. But we did want to make a video to talk about how to talk to your partner about period sex and how to get them to at least reconsider or think about their stance on period sex. So first, we want to hear from you. Leave us a little smiley face in the comments down below if you're cool with period sex. Because regardless of whether or not you want to have period sex, we are definitely here to normalize that it is common and totally fine and can be quite wonderful to have sex while you're on your period.
Oh, yes. But first we want to just say hi, especially if you're brand new to our channel. We are Vanessa and Xander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist. I'm a regular dude, and we've been together for 14 years, almost 15. Also, if you see these cute little pugs, the side of us. This is Maggie and Winston.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out. So if you're interested in that, just go ahead and hit that subscribe button.
Yes.
Okay, first order of business. If you have a partner who just is not on board with period sex, the first thing you need to do is get clear on what specifically is holding them back from being okay with it. Like, what are the specific reasons that are coming up for them? I think it's very easy for us, and especially if you feel kind of insulted or frustrated that your partner doesn't want to have period sex, it's really easy to get a little bit defensive about it and not end up finding out what their specific reasons are. So sometimes it's really just an issue of miseducation or misunderstanding. So this is a great example. I had a client who said that her boyfriend was completely against period sex, would not do it. She was really offended, but I convinced her to ask him about it. And they had this great conversation where she realized he would see blood and, like, think that he was hurting her and was really concerned about causing her pain and discomfort. And so it just felt, you know, uncomfortable to him, like, he didn't want to hurt her. And she was able to very easily clear up for him. Like, it doesn't hurt me at all. I'll let you know if I do feel any pain. And, like, it just was a very easy thing for them to resolve just by having that little conversation. So find out what the reasons are why your partner isn't on board with it. Another reason that we wanted to point out, too, is, like, some people get really squeamish about the side of blood. They might pass out, get really sick. That's a totally understandable reason to not be on board with period sex. We have a little workaround that we'll share with you in a minute, but that could be one potential reason, too.
Now, what is not cool is when your partner shames you for something that's totally natural, like a normal bodily process. And saying periods are weird or gross like that just isn't acceptable. Not. It's not fair.
Yeah. So don't allow your partner to make any sort of jokes or insult you in any sort of way. Like, you got to be really clear in saying, yeah.
And as a guy, I just want to say, I think the best way to get your male partner on board with period sex is just straight up reminding him that if you are not down with period sex, it means that there's going to be no sex for one week out of every month. And sometimes guys just need to put two and two together and realize, oh, if period sex is on the table, this might actually result in more sex, which is something that I want.
And if you have two vulva, owning partners in a relationship, like, the math could be even worse. Maybe you sync up, but maybe it's like, half the month is out of commission. So that can just be, like, a nice way to try to explain it to your partner. I also think it can be very beneficial to tell your partner what you enjoy about period sex. So a lot of vulva owners tell us, like, I feel a lot hornier at that time of the month. It actually feels less painful for me because there's a little added lubricant. Orgasms help my cramps. They help me sleep better. They relieve other PMS symptoms. So sharing those kinds of things with your partner can be really beneficial. And it might even be simpler than that. It might even be just telling your partner that you think period sex is normal and not a big deal at all. Like, you may have a partner who's never been with somebody who was comfortable with period sex. Maybe all their past partners were like, no, no, no. Like, we don't do that. And so it's Just, like, a little bit of, like, no, no, no, it's fine. I'm cool with it.
Yeah, I was definitely in that category, and it took me a little bit of time just to realize, like, oh, this is something that she wants.
Okay, so let's say your partner's like, okay, maybe, like, I could be open to this. Like, the best thing to do is to prep for period sex. So there are a couple of very simple steps that you can take that really make any objections that somebody might have to period sex. Like, really, really make them go away. So let's talk about some very simple steps. Like, one is you could turn the lights off or have very low lights, so if your partner's weird about blood, they get squeamish. You guys just don't want to see. Like, just turn the lights off.
Yeah. If you can't see it, it's not there.
Yeah. You can also put down a dark towel or a sheet over your bed or wherever you're having sex. Sometimes people get nervous about staining their sheets, especially, like, white sheets. So just a dark towel can be a great way to. To clean up any potential mess. You can also make sure to have, like, tissues, washcloths, whatever you need, like, right near the bed for easy cleanup afterwards. Another thing to do is you can, like, ease your partner into period sex by doing it for the first few times on days where your flow is a lot lighter. So most of us have a day or two or three at the beginning of your cycle where it's, like, heavy flow. That might be a harder day to get started. Started versus. If you do it at the end of your period, there's hardly any menstrual fluid that's coming out at all. So it might be easy to, like, you know, you might not even notice that there's any menstrual fluid at all.
Now, Vanessa and I aren't the biggest fans of this suggestion, but many people do enjoy shower sex on their period. For us, it doesn't quite work, given our height difference.
We're just not fans of shower sex, period.
Yeah. Personally, we are not fans of it, but it can be a super good option because it does allow the menstrual fluid to just easily wash away and kind of get, you know, each can get cleaned up immediately.
Another great tip is to look into menstrual discs. There are a couple of different brands out there, but the really great thing about menstrual discs is you can keep them in while having intercourse. So unlike menstrual cups and like tampons, you cannot leave those in during any sort of penetration, but discs can be left in, and you won't even be able to tell that you're on your period, that there's any sort of menstrual fluid. So this is a great suggestion for partners who are really squeamish or just, like, very unsure about it. Like, you will not even be able to tell. It is not a big deal. Bottom line, though, is regardless of how your partner feels about period sex, what they are or aren't willing to do, we just want to leave you with. Once again, normalizing periods are natural part of having a body, having a vulva, and there's nothing wrong with it. So please don't feel sh. Or embarrassed or like something is horribly wrong with your body. And definitely don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for wanting to have intimacy while you're on your period.
All right, well, that wraps up our video on what to do if your partner doesn't want to have period sex. If you liked the video, please give it a like. You can also hit the red button to subscribe to our YouTube channel and the notification icon so you get notified as soon as we make more videos.
