What WOMEN Find Attractive In Their Male Partners - Attraction In Long Term Relationships

When you're in a long term relationship, it can be really hard to keep the spark burning. We have been together for 13 years now.

Since yesterday.

Yeah, yesterday. So we totally get this. But do you even know what gets your partner going anymore? So last month we surveyed our Instagram audience about attraction in long term relationships. And we were surprised to find that the vast majority of the people struggling to maintain attraction in their relationships were women. It just did not seem to be nearly as much of an issue for men.

So we asked our female followers to weigh in on what they find most attractive in their long term partners. And today we're gonna spill all the secrets.

All the secrets. So, hey, there we are. Vanessa and Xander Marin.

Hello.

We're married. We've been together since 2007 and it is our mission to equip you with all the tools that you need to create an extraordinary relationship. Inside of the bedroom and out. So. So I'm a licensed psychotherapist. I've spent the last 15 going on 20 now years working with thousands of people and I've gotten to serve as a featured expert for major magazines and websites like the New York Times, oh, the Oprah Magazine, Real simple, and many more.

And I'm Xander. I'm Vanessa's husband, as you might imagine. And I used to work a pretty normal job in the corporate world, but I started seeing how much of an impact that Vanessa was making with her work and I wanted to join her so that we could reach even more people. I picked up some pretty good insight along the way into what makes relationships work and not work. And I just love sharing real stories from our own life as well.

In this video, we are going to reveal the top five things that women find attractive in their long term male partners, according to our followers. So we are focusing on male female relationships here. But we had so much fun going through all of these responses and we think that you will have fun hearing them as well. Definitely some interesting surprises.

Yeah, we hope that if you're in a relationship with a woman, you're gonna find some inspiration for some specific action steps to regain and maintain her attraction in your relationship. So let's get right into what makes a long term partner attractive to their female significant other.

All right, let's kick it off with attractor number one, Keep up appearances. So we have these stereotypes that men are the more visual creatures, but we definitely got way more responses from women who struggling to feel physically attracted to their partners.

So many ladies complained of their partners not taking great care of themselves. I cannot Tell you how many responses we got about basic hygiene. Women really just want their partners to brush their teeth, take a shower, comb their hair, cut their nails, and change their clothes. It's not too hard, guys. One woman shared that she wished her husband would dress in something other than dirty work clothes. We asked women to share one thing their partner could do to be more attractive. And one woman said, wear some damn cologne. Please, dear God, just wear it. Wow.

Wear the cologne.

Yeah. So, you know, in a similar comment, a different woman said, cut your hair. Please, for the love of God, cut your hair. A lot of descriptive comments here.

There's a lot of please, for the love of God. And these were from different women.

They sound desperate, guys. They sound really desperate. So. So let's try to listen up one more. Another woman said, get your hair cut and quit picking your notes. Oh, my God, I think you wrote that one.

Well, you were listening.

I did. I did cut my hair. I'll maybe working on this.

And the amount of comments that we got about facial hair astounded me, especially as somebody who clearly likes facial hair. So many women said that they wanted their partner to shave his beard or get rid of his mustache or at least trim them, which I totally understand. So many women just hate facial hair, which again, is a big surprise for me. But out of all the responses that we received, only one woman said that she wanted her partner to grow facial hair. Now, yeah, a lot of women said that their partner knows that she hates his facial hair, but he likes to tease her by keeping it. So it sounds like this has kind of turned into like a mean joke in the relationship where he knows she hates it, but he likes to taunt her by just keeping it.

Or maybe he thinks. Thinks it's like a funny joke. Hate not really realizing how serious it actually is and like, what kind of impact that might be having on your relationship, the amount of sex you're having, all those things. So just something to consider, guys.

Yeah, So, I mean, for the fellas, this is a pretty interesting one because, you know, it's your body. You get to decide what you want to do with it. If you really love your facial hair, that's definitely a factor. But if you're just keeping the beard to taunt your partner, you may want to rethink that approach.

Yeah, you might think that these women are being shallow or that appearances are less important in long term relationships because you've already kind of won each other over. But the truth is that physical appearance really does matter if you're looking at someone day in and day out. You want to feel excited about what you see, right?

Yeah. And really, it's a much deeper issue than just what you look like. So many women said that they wish their partner valued himself enough to practice good care. Care. So we want you to care about yourself. We want you to take pride in yourself. We want you to have a healthy relationship with yourself. But it's also nice to know that you're willing to take the time and a little effort to look good for us too.

Yeah, that's a good point. All right, so attractor number two is be kind. So if you watched our video a few weeks ago on the loss of attraction in long term relationships, you're going to remember that every interaction between you and your partner, it either adds to or it subtracts from your level of attraction to each other. If you missed that video, we'll link to it right here.

We heard from so many women that kindness was incredibly attractive to them. So being your partner's number one fan, valuing their happiness, these were surefire ways to win the ladies over.

Yeah. And kindness also might be, you know, adjusting your facial hair or, you know, being kind to your partner's requests about what she likes on you. So tons of women asked for more compliments as well. So one woman said, please, please, just tell me I'm pretty for the love of God. Oh, that's kind of basic. And a lot of women asked for their partners to show more appreciation. One woman shared that she would love her partner to just simply speak kindly to me. Another woman said, take an interest in my day and pay attention when I share. And then another one said, show affection for me and be sweet to me.

Yeah, this one makes me so sad. It's so simple, but it really is very powerful. All you have to do is speak kindly to your lady and care about her and what her day was like, and she will be more attracted to you.

Yeah, I think it's easy to forget about these small things and how much those small things add up. Like, I know how much Vanessa loves praise and compliments, and that's not like my default. My default way of, you know, receiving love, but it is hers. And I just have to remind myself if I say something, really, if I just say something nice to her, she's gonna feel good all day because of that.

It has a shockingly, maybe embarrassingly big effect. But I do love those words of affirmation.

All right, why don't you give us number three? You're killing it already.

Oh, thank you. Attractor number three. Doing a thing. Things without being asked. So you've probably heard plenty of dumb jokes about, like how the guy washing the dishes or doing the vacuuming is like female porn. But based on the responses that we got, this does seem to be pretty true.

But there's a twist. Women aren't just attracted to the physical act of taking out the trash. What they really love is when you take care of things without needing to be asked. And this can be a tough one. I know it can be hard. For me, it's more about the thoughtfulness behind the action than the action itself. So don't just go run to take out the trash immediately, especially. She might not notice, you know? No. Good. So one woman said, take care of me more so I don't always feel like the caregiver of the family. And another one said, do something productive to make my day a little easier. Mm.

For me, this one feels pretty similar to the being kind one. It's like, yeah, just try to be nice to her and, like, help make her day a little bit easier. And when it comes to doing those chores and responsibilities, it's like, you know, your woman really doesn't want to have to nag you. I'm sure you really don't want her to have to nag you either. I hate nagging Xander. He hates me nagging. It's just a bad dynamic in any relationship. So you can make her feel really loved and cared for and attracted to you. And if you just take care of your responsibilities on your own. So unload the dishwasher, mow the lawn, call the plumber. Just do it.

Yeah, I know. I. I was procrastinating on calling that plumber for a while.

That may have been where I got that example.

Finally got it done. So, even better. Anticipate when she's going to need help and then go above and beyond. For example, if you know she's had a killer day at work, you could probably make her swoon by drawing her nice bath without being asked. That's a good one. It doesn't have to be your responsibility or a chore. You know, she'll feel like you're thinking about her and you're trying to anticipate her needs, which is just really nice.

Yeah. And of course, this is not. We're not going crossing the line into, like, you have to be a mind reader and know exactly what she wants before she even knows she wants it. We're just talking about here and there from time to time, like, getting her Little support.

Oh, yeah, don't do this every day. That might get a little overwhelming.

So, yeah, many women really did express their love of surprises. So one woman said, do something small and unexpected for me, like make me dinner or buy me flowers. So personally, this one really resonated with me because I love surprises. Nothing makes me feel more special than knowing that Xander took the time to think about something and make a little surprise for me without any of my help.

Yeah. And this used to actually really stress me out because I thought, like, oh, a surprise, it has to be like some big, extravagant, elaborate thing. And that would really. I'd be like, oh, there's no way I'm going to be able to like, oh, if I'm going to do this thing, this nice surprise, like, how am I ever going to top that? And I kind of got into this whole negative thing of like, oh, well, I can't do that because then, like, I'm never going to be able to do another surprise. But I've started to realize it's just small things, you know, every week or every two weeks doing something nice and sweet. And it's. For her, it's really the surprise that she enjoys. It's not like the extent or like the quantity of the surprise. Yeah.

And we also heard from a lot of moms who said that having their spouse play and help out with the kids was a major turn on, too.

Okay, so attractor number four is quality time together with no distraction. None. Yeah. So many of the women that we surveyed seem to feel most attracted to their partners as a result of emotional closeness, which makes sense. And typically that's in the form of unobstructed quality time spent together. There's really Nothing like receiving 100% of your partner's attention to confirm their love and affection for you.

I like this one a lot too.

Yeah. Setting aside time as a family or as a couple with no distractions can be a huge turn on for women.

Yeah. In fact, we heard several direct requests from women to their partner to put his phone down and spend more time with me. Just focused on us. And another woman said, organize more special occasions for us to spend time together, like planning a date or a sex night.

Good idea. So tractor number five is playfulness. Based on the responses that we received, it seems like there were an awful lot of cranky partners out there. So many women told us that their partners are really just. Just often annoyed and irritable and overly serious all the time.

Now, having an element of playfulness in your relationship can be A huge turn on for so many women. So one woman said that she is most attracted to her partner. The moment when his real full smile comes out.

One woman said, lighten up and be more playful when you get home. And then another one said, flirt with me in a silly, playful way. Lots of women, they just want to joke and laugh more. Another said, simply smile more throughout the day.

Another one, that can't be too hard, right? So, you know, being serious all the time, it's not particularly fun for anyone. So this is a really great opportunity to just bring more joy into your relationship. So try incorporating smaller moments of connection throughout the day. So it could be, you know, anytime you cross each other's paths, maybe it's giving a little smack on the butt or a playful joke or some healthy competition while cleaning the house. So there was this one comment in particular that really made me laugh. So we asked women what they were most attracted to in their partners and one woman responded, his sense of humor and his penis.

Honest. So, you know, that wraps up our video on the top five things that women find most attractive in their male partners.

Well, I guess six if we count the penis.

Thanks. I was going to make the joke, but it's better than you. So if you like this video, please, please, please give us a like and let us know in the comments down below if you want to see a video about the top five things that men find attractive in their female partners.

Did not seem to be like there was a lot of issue with that. But we're happy to make a video if you guys want to see that.

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And as always, we have a little gift for you. So if you and your partner are struggling with attraction and wondering how you can spice things up, you're definitely gonna wanna check out our free guide, what's your sex personality type? It also includes a quiz so you can figure this out.

That's exciting.

So yeah, in the guide you will find out which of the 11 personality types you are. You'll get detailed descriptions of each, what they each need in the bedroom, and how the different types fit together. So each. It is really cool. You're definitely going to want to check it out and we'll put it down in the description box below. Thanks so much for watching.

We'll see you next time.