Vanessa and Zander Marin explain why women get annoyed at sex initiation. The main reasons: she's stuck in a task and can't switch gears, her rare personal time got interrupted, or she's been doing things for everyone and feels unappreciated when you want something from her.
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No, we need to start a video like that. Tell us if you can relate to this scenario. So you're turned on, you're interested in some intimacy, you go initiate sex, and your partner is totally annoyed. What is going on here? Today we are going to be talking all about this dynamic, but first we want to hear from you. Let us know in the comments if this has ever happened to you.
If you're brand new to our channel, then first we just want to say, hi. We are Vanessa and Zander Marin. Vanessa here is a sex therapist, and we've been together for 14 years. Also, if you see them, these cute little faces behind us are our pugs, Winston and Maggie.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips, and techniques that you need to create a truly extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out. So if you're interested in that, just. Just go ahead and hit that subscribe button.
Let's do it.
All right, so before we get into this video, we just want to share that we are going to be talking about a male, female dynamic here. We really like to try to make our content as inclusive as possible. It's very important to us, but sometimes there are specific dynamics that come out in specific configurations of relationships that we want to spend a little bit of time diving into. So this is something that we hear a lot from men. They say, I'm trying to initiate. I. I think I'm doing a good job. And my partner just seems so annoyed. Like, they. You know, they get really upset in the moment.
All right, so let's just get straight into it, Vanessa. If I were doing this to you, why might you be feeling annoyed?
Okay, so we initially got the idea to make this video based on a DM that we got on Instagram. A husband reached out, and he said that he initiated with his wife. She got really annoyed, and so we started talking it over together, like, trying to plan out this video.
And.
And I came up with so many possible reasons why that wife might be annoyed in the moment that we actually realized we need to not only do a YouTube video about this, but also a podcast so we can go even more in depth on this huge, like, literally huge list of reasons that I came up with.
Yeah, there's more here than you might think.
So what we decided to do is in this video, we're going to share the top three reasons, and these are based on the feedback that we get from women on the other end of it and telling us, like, my husband initiated at this time or in this way. This is what was really frustrating to me. So the number one reason that we hear about from women is, like, I was in the middle of doing something when my partner initiated, and I just can't change tracks so quickly. So she was feeling like, you know, I was really focused on doing this task on, like, writing a to do list or in the middle of a chore or something. And there's just this feeling of, like, it's too extreme of a change to go from, like, busy mode into having sex mode. And it just felt too abrupt and therefore felt kind of annoying. It's also like, I'm in the middle of doing something, like, why are you bothering me at this time? It feels like bothering rather than, like, an invitation to intimacy. Okay, let's talk about the number two reason that this tends to come up. A lot of women will tell us, like, I was doing something for myself, and I felt like he interrupted that, and so therefore, it felt like, disrespectful. So a lot of women tell us they feel like they have very little time to themselves in a day, like, sometimes even just a few minutes of time. And so when a woman makes an effort to, like, do something for her own self, care, like, do something for herself, and then she gets interrupted in that moment by her partner wanting something, it can be that same abrupt, like, hey, I was in the middle of something that we discussed with number one, but also this sense of feeling a little disrespected of, like, this is my five minutes of the day. That's for me. Like, I don't want anybody needing something else from me at this point. Time. Okay. And the number three reason is pretty similar, too. But a lot of times women will tell us, like, I was doing something for him or, like, for our family, and he's trying to interrupt me. So she feels unappreciated.
Yeah. So, yeah, like, maybe she's cooking dinner, like, for me, and then I'm interrupting her like that.
I can imagine folding your laundry. I'm, you know, doing this kind of thing. And it's the sense of, like, you know, you don't even see how hard I'm working. You don't see the things that I'm doing. And not only that, they're all ready for you. And now you're coming at me with even more, like, demands and requests. So it can just feel really frustrating. So those are the top three reasons. Like we said, there are plenty more, and we have a lot more to say about all of them, too. So keep an eye out. On our podcast, Pillow talks for when we do a podcast episode about this topic.
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