You’re doing date night totally wrong… and it might be killing the vibe 😬

Name: You’re doing date night totally wrong… and it might be killing the vibe 😬
Uploaded: 2026-04-02T21:03:10+00:00
Duration: 51 s
Channel: Vanessa Marin
Description: Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, argues couples should have sex before date night, not after. She cites Dan Savage's "Fuck First" rule: you're too tired…

2 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, argues couples should have sex before date night, not after. She cites Dan Savage's "Fuck First" rule: you're too tired and full afterward anyway. For parents, she suggests using nap time, mornings, or arranging childcare to make it work.

I hate to break it to you, but you're doing date night wrong.
Most of us have this idea in our heads that we're supposed to go out on our date night and then we come home and have sex.
But let's get real. This is one of the worst times to try to get excited about having sex.
You're tired, you're full, you're gassy. You want to get right out of your cute date night outfit and into your pajamas. You just want to crash out on the couch and watch Netflix or just go to bed, which, let's be real, not a recipe for super hot sex. So instead, we practice Dan Savage's Fuck First Rule. We have sex first before we go out on our date night. That way we prioritize doing the most important thing first. We've ensured that we have the time and the energy for sex, and then it feels like we have this little secret between the two of us, so date night is even more fun.
Now we don't have kids, so it's easy for us to have sex before dates.
But if you do have kids and you want to try this out, here are some of the things that the parents in our community do to make this work. Let them have some screen time while you have some quality time. Have sex during nap time. Have sex the morning of the date, or have their grandparents, the neighbors, the babysitter take the kids out of the house while you get ready for your date.
Even if the logistics are challenging, it is totally worth giving this a try.
Also, hi, we are a married sex therapist and regular dude duo, and we create content to help you keep the spark alive in your marriage. Let's be real, most couples will just complain about their lackluster or non-existent sex life, but we are here to help the couples who are willing to put effort into staying madly in love with each other. This This is just the start of our "You're Doing It Wrong" series, so make sure to follow to see what we cover next.