Why Moms Can’t Sleep Even When They’re Exhausted

Welcome to the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We're your host, Erika Radis and Marie Lifschultz, a realtor and lender here in San Antonio. But most importantly, we're working moms just like you.

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Now onto today's episode. Grab a cup of coffee, settle in, and let's get started.

Welcome to this week's episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We have a guest on with us today, Bianca, um, and we're gonna I'm going to turn it over to her to share about her business a little bit and, you know, get to know her.

Awesome.

Okay, I'm Bianca Ramos. I'm a first responder coach, also coach for veterans and for moms too. Yeah, they have like a high stress profession, right?

So true.

We do.

Yeah, and my main focus is on stress management, and I think as moms we know what stress means, you know, covering family and business. Then also sleep is like one of my priorities. We all get way too less sleep.

Yes, that's so true.

Sleep is important. I noticed that it affects everything. It affects your attitude, affects your way your mind works. I forget things if I haven't gotten a good amount of sleep. So definitely helping with sleep is a good thing. But I have to be honest, Bianca, I didn't even know a sleep coach was a, like a thing. Like I didn't until you, we met you. I had no idea there's someone to help me sleep. Tell us about that. Tell us.

I just figured that out through a client that I'm one of the only coaches here who focus on sleep.

Really?

And it's crazy.

Yeah.

I mean, I think we take sleep for granted, actually.

Yeah.

And yeah, so sleep is very, very important, as you just said.

Yeah.

You know, like, you can't think straight. I mean, it's proven if you sleep too less, it's almost like you drink alcohol, for example.

Yeah. You feel kind of drunk. Yeah. Yeah.

Drowsy. Yeah. Nauseous and all this stuff.

Yes.

So what does it look like to work with a sleep coach? I feel like at, you mentioned like moms and obviously that's our audience here.

Yeah.

Um, I feel like I have not slept well in years. You know, like years. I mean, my, I'll wake up in the morning and like my spouse or my mom or whomever will be like, hey, how'd you sleep? And I'm like, I think okay. But like, I don't really feel like I woke up.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm, I'm still with us, so here I am. And so what does it look like to work with somebody that helps with sleep and that kind of thing?

Well, at first I would start actually with what's your daily structure? Yeah. Because sleep starts when you get up.

Yeah.

I think most people don't understand that sleep— sleep, we always think, you know, that happens at night. But to get sleep and get good sleep starts in the morning. You have to get up and actually catch some sunlight.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. So that's an important part.

You know, it's absolutely—

You know, with all of us being like, we're so stuck to a computer a lot of times and indoors and doing our jobs, we're not out in the environment quite a bit. So that makes a lot of sense that sleep is more disturbed these days just because we're indoors more often.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. So grab your cup of coffee, stand at the window at least, you know, I know Texas sun is very hot. Yeah. So you catch some sunlight, you know, your system, your eyes see the sunlight and your it's called the circadian rhythm, will start. And there's like hormone stuff that happens in your body and that is triggered by that sunlight. And that's why it's so important actually that you stand there, drink a cup of coffee, tea, whatever, and grab that sunlight. Yes.

I don't think I've ever been a really long sleeper. Like even as a child, I was a very early riser. Yeah, um, and I can be a night owl, and I can— I mean, I can go to bed midnight, wake up at 4, and I feel like I function. But I, I mean, I— but I'd like sleep. I would— I mean, there's days that I'm like, oh, I wish I could sleep in and sleep in past, you know, 7. As soon as the light hits the window, I'm, I'm up, my eyes open, and I'm like, oh man, I wanted to sleep longer. Yeah, that kind of thing. So I— when I sleep, I sleep well, like I sleep deep, but I don't sleep long.

Well, everybody, I have to say, has like a different time frame, you know. The minimum is they say like 6, 7 hours you have to sleep, you know. And then everybody has like a different, um, I'm quite sure you guys heard that term owls or like early, you know, early bird and stuff like that. You know, everybody has a different type of sleep. And so it's not wrong if you get up early in the morning. I'm jealous, like I said, you know, and you can stay up long. It's like, I wish my days were longer. I'm the one who actually sleeps in forever. Yeah, I wish I could get up at 5 o'clock and go to the gym and do those things. So you have to, as you were asking me, what would I do with a client? That's one of the questions. How do you usually sleep? Are you one of those people who get up early and stay up late? Or you're one of those people and the natural thing, as you said, you know, you can't even sleep longer. You can't. Or if you're one of those people like me, I'm like a sleepy bear. I have to sleep in technically until 10:00. You know, in a feng shui.

Good for you.

I love that for you.

I don't get that. I live against my inner clock, you know, and this is something we have to consider too, you know, sleeping or living against our inner clock. Our inner clock is so important. That's why I brought that up with the morning sun. You know, you have to make sure you turn on your inner clock, that your inner clock knows, hey, it's morning and I start producing all that stuff, the hormones and everything, so I can fall asleep easy at night, you know.

Yeah.

And the other thing I think that is more familiar and more known is like the night routine, you know, that you calm down. I do have to say nowadays people, it is always said because you mentioned computers and everything, you know, and everybody is scrolling and all that. I'm not as strict. You know, I think you have to play there. Light is also very important that you play with that. So my routine, for example, looks like that at night. I watch TV. I need to relax first, you know. And then after that, I have actually my ceiling light on while I watch TV. So I'm trying to mimic, you know, that the sun is going down. Then after that, I start scrolling. I do all the TikTok, Instagram and everything, you know, and I switch over to my nightlight at the desk. So the sun is going down and then actually I turn everything off and I just read my e-book. So I have no light on in my room. So your brain understands, hey, it's nighttime.

Yeah.

You know, you dim the light step by step so you can play with that, for example. And then the other thing is a routine. Our body, our brain loves routines, you know? So if you do that all the time, no matter when you go to bed, actually, then it knows, oh, it's time to wind down. Oh, it's time to sleep.

Yeah.

I think as an— when I was a young mom, my, my, my mother taught me that she was in your— when you're trying to get your baby to sleep through the night, You gotta develop a routine. So I remember trying very, like, I have to be home by this time. I have to be home. If not, he won't sleep through the night.

Yeah.

Pajamas. Yes.

You know, like all the, so when you start doing those things, yeah, they automatically start to relax and then they would get sleepy and I got them to sleep through the night very early on.

Did you find that was helpful?

It was extremely, I did not defer from that routine cuz I didn't, I mean, I wanted them to be able to sleep through the night.

Yeah. You always talk about how like you had like a few hours of time where it was like the witching hour almost.

It was my, like they would, we did too with the littlest one. The other two, not so much. Lose them. Their mind, like between 4 and 7 PM. I'm like, I hate this time of the day.

Yeah.

But by 7 PM they knew that it was brush their teeth, take a bath, uh, get our clothes out, do whatever we needed to do. And they would automatically start to get sleepy. Yeah. Like it was just even like they knew. And my youngest, like if I didn't know, we, we had a, maybe we had family over or something going on or school activity. He's like, I'm putting myself to bed. Yeah.

Because he knew.

Bless him. I'm gonna put myself to bed. So I think even as an adult, you have to have those routines because your body— I love routine. Like, I have that.

I need this. I need this, but I don't have those routines.

It's hard.

But don't be too strict with yourself.

Yeah.

You know, I think that's why I said I fall asleep with the TV on. Oh, I know. It's so bad. I know.

But like, it's like, do you have like a timer or something?

No, it's on.

You should. That's something.

I know.

I am the worst, you guys. I am not healthy in any way.

Can I tell you something else? Yeah.

Yeah. I, my husband too, like we are like TV people. Yeah. Like I just need it for the, like the noise.

The white noise.

I guess.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I mean, I sleep with a fan on and stuff and that helps with the sound, but, um, but I know I sleep better when it's off, but I just, it's such like a thing. I've done it my whole life.

Oh my goodness. My, my brother-in-law, they always like to say, I can't.

Yeah.

For me it has to be pitch black, no noise. Like if I hear a noise, I wake up like, what's that?

Yeah, but there you can see, you know, sleep is unique.

Yeah.

Everybody has their own techniques, how they fall asleep, what they need to sleep well, you know. And that's why coaching is so important. You know, there's not this one thing, even though so social media makes you believe that, you know, there's not that one thing. You know, you have to adjust it to every person.

Yeah. No, that's so true. I love— I mean, I feel like I love coaching.

No, I mean, I love sleep.

I don't sleep.

I wish I slept more. I mean, like, you know, I said, I woke up when my light comes in, I'm like, oh man, I want to sleep longer. I would love to be that. And I actually, um, I— that's why I'm thinking I'm only 4'11" because I swear my parents and my mom did not believe in sleeping in. So like, you know how teenagers— I, I read that they need— I have teenagers now, so they need to sleep more like, like a toddler does. They're growing, they're growing. And like, and I know when they sleep more, sleep in, I'm like, oh no, I have to buy new pants or new shoes. They're growing. Oh, I know that time frame. Like, I know they're going to grow some more, so I, I allow them when they don't have to be up early for school. I try to let them sleep in as long as they can because I know they need it for their health. But as growing up, my, my mom's like, uh, 6 o'clock, we're cleaning house Saturday morning. Oh, so we were up early cleaning, doing things. So she like, she didn't let you— she didn't— it wasn't productive if you slept in. Yeah, so I think I just learned not to do that. But I also felt like my growth— like, I'm short, I'm very short. Like, I didn't sleep in and I don't sleep well. Like, I don't sleep long, so I don't think I slept enough. But now my body just knows, like, I can get a few hours of sleep and function, but I would like to sleep longer. So maybe I do.

So let me ask you, how do you feel when you get up?

Typically, I can— I— when I wake up, I'm alert. Like, if I open my eyes, I'm like, oh man, like, I'm up and I need to start doing something. But I realized that by 3 PM my brain turns off if I've slept.

But that's normal.

Oh, it is? That's normal. Oh, maybe that is normal.

Is it normal to have your brain turned off all the time?

Yes, absolutely. Around the time— let me ask you, when do you get up in the morning?

I typically about, uh, between 5 and 5:30 is typically when I wake up.

I see. 3 o'clock is normal actually to have this midday, you know, deep, uh, my brain doesn't function no more, you know?

Yeah, because you've already been functioning for a long time.

But I need to function longer because work requires you to, like, I, you know, Yeah, then you should take a nap, actually. Oh, oh, a siesta.

Oh my gosh, I love a nap in the day.

I love it.

I did, I guess, when I was young and before married and before kids, I would— I learned how to do power naps. Yeah, I had actually an old boss of mine who I missed dearly, great, great friend of mine, um, said, hey, go in the back if you're tired, do a power nap. I'm like, what's that? He goes, so taught me, we like laid on the— we laid on the floor. He goes, put your, put your legs up against the wall so where your leg's completely straight. Yes. And he goes doze and I, it would make me doze off really fast. He goes, but when your feet would buckle, like when they would fall, you'd wake up. Best nap I've ever had. And it was 20.

So why are you not doing it anymore?

I, because I don't have time. I don't think about doing, I, I didn't think about it.

I bet with you, you will function better and work better and have better results when you actually nap again.

So when I go into the office, just randomly lay on the floor and take a nap. Yeah. Well, now we all work from home and stuff.

I know, right? Just go to bed for like 20 minutes.

Yeah. Yeah.

20 minutes is actually that timeframe you should sleep.

Sometimes I think I sleep better in the day than I do at night.

Well, you know what, you're right, because if I've slept when I've like, if I wasn't feeling well and I laid down and if I slept longer, sometimes I felt like I felt worse.

Yeah.

Because I didn't, I slept too much maybe, or too long or something. Yeah. So is that a thing, like you can sleep too much for a nap? Absolutely.

Okay. Yeah, absolutely. The perfect time frame, like I said, is like 20 minutes. It has something to do with the sleep cycles. Or if you sleep like 90 minutes, Okay. So these are the—

So you either have to give yourself 20 minutes or an hour and a half.

Exactly.

But who knows how— I mean, if you don't have the time, 20 minutes should do it, right?

So if you want to do it really good, actually, you drink a cup of coffee before you go napping.

Really? Ooh, say more about that. What does that mean?

Yeah, how does that work?

Well, you know, it takes a time that the coffee actually starts functioning, you know, do its job in your body. And that is the time you nap. And then after that, you wake up like you do in the morning.

And the coffee is in your system, so you feel—

Yes.

Oh, look at that. That's a trick, ladies.

Yeah.

Hmm. Yeah.

How interesting. I feel like I don't sleep well because I have like super lucid dreams constantly. Does that make sense? Like, yes. My dreams feel so real. Sometimes I dream about work and sometimes I think I, I feel like I've worked all night long. It's the worst. They, they're so real. And then I have to wake up and be like, oh, that was a dream.

And I don't have dreams.

What?

I don't, if I have 'em, I don't remember. Like I, I want to. Like, I want to have dreams.

You don't have dreams.

Everybody has dreams. I mean, like, just you sleep deeper.

Yeah.

And you don't sleep that deep. That's why you don't feel rested. You're not sleeping deeper.

You're not sleeping deeper.

I sleep deeper.

How does that happen? I don't wanna remember these dumb dreams about work. I don't need it, you guys.

Like, I don't, I, I rarely, I mean, there's some days, but I, I rarely dream. Like, I, and I would like to.

Oh my gosh. They are so real for me. Like, as if I have really, yes. Where I wake up and I'm like, did that happen? And I'm like, no, thank you.

I want to crawl into your brain and see what happens.

It is the worst. You don't want to be in there.

But maybe you have to add, like, like I said, you know, like a bedtime routine where you write everything down. For example, what is still on your mind? Yeah, you have to do the next day, you know, because that's maybe popping up during the night.

So because that's what it means when someone dreams a lot, like the vivid dreams Erika has, just because you're not sleeping deep.

Um, if like you described, you know, it's like a steady thing.

Yeah.

Yes. You're not sleeping well.

Yeah.

We got to knock you out some more.

I don't know. I need a drug or something.

Don't go over there and knock her out, okay?

How do you feel then about like these, like sleep aids and stuff that people do, like the melatonin and like the different things?

I do have to say sometimes I use that too.

Sure.

You know, just to start. The thing is also you have to know that you fall asleep easier. That doesn't make sure that you sleep deeper.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

So, you know, since I worked shift as a police officer, I do understand when you do that, you know, you want to have the most out of your sleep and you want to fall asleep really quick. So therefore, I do have to say yes, use it, but not on a steady pace. You still have to adjust your life so you have good sleep. You know, it shouldn't be a steady thing, you know, like, you know, sleeping pills. I mean, they have side effects too.

Of course.

Yeah, as I said, you know, I would just suggest actually, hey, please start changing your life, doing little things. It doesn't even have to be something super strict or whatever. And it has to be like, you know, every person, as I mentioned earlier, you know, is unique. You need like a special program. And I always love to add stuff. Yeah, it's easier than taking stuff away. As I suggest, you know, like, yeah, do the nap again, drink your coffee before. Drink, take a nap, you know, or for you, I would say like write it down. You know, it seems like it's still bothering you when you go to bed.

Yeah.

Write it all down. Write a list. Or, you know, if you don't feel like writing it down, take your phone and just speak on it and, uh, have those spoken notes, you know. Mm-hmm.

To get it off your mind, I guess.

Exactly. Yes, absolutely.

Sometimes it's the weirdest stuff like that. I, I don't think I'm thinking about this stuff, but maybe I am.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you're also a very creative person. Like you have that type of, you know, sometimes it's, I don't wanna dream about numbers.

Yeah.

I don't do anything. Yeah.

I mean, sometimes it's work. A lot of times it's work, but a lot of times it's other like wacky, like, like, I mean, you know how dreams are. Yeah. It's the weirdest stuff. And I'm like, who even, sometimes I'll dream like that I'm at my house, but like it's not my house. It's not a house I've ever seen, but in the dream it's my house. It's like I create like different realities.

Oh, how funny.

And it's like, But I've heard, and I don't know if this is true, but I heard that if you see someone in a dream, probably you've seen them somewhere in life and you just don't remember that, you know, like even in passing or whatever. Mm-hmm. Because sometimes there are people in my dreams and I'm like, who are these people?

That's funny. No, I, yeah, we have to do a segment on dreams. Oh yeah. That'd be fun.

Oh my gosh. I'm gonna start writing 'em down. Like it's the dumbest stuff.

You'd be a great, you'd be a great book.

Actually, you might find a pattern actually. And that is interesting too.

Yes.

That is.

Yeah. Also like what I've just learned recently that the brain is, cuz I had a weird dream, uh, Like I was in school and then all of a sudden it was snowing, you know, in the school. Like, what the heck?

Yeah.

And then I was in the garage looking for my car and I couldn't find it. And I ended up in— it was like with pebbles, like, you know, like where the dirty water goes down and everything. I'm like, where the heck am I?

Yeah.

And I found the way out and I saw the water already coming down. I'm like, what the heck is going on? And I'm like, You know, AI is very helpful, I do have to say. And I didn't want to have like an esoteric explanation for that.

Sure.

But then I got the explanation actually that the brain is using still stuff from the past, you know, like the school. And I realized, oh, okay, I'm learning new stuff again right now. And that's why my brain is pulling out school.

Yeah.

Yes. Because I'm in the same experience, you could say. Yeah.

Going through it a different way.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but like I said, the, the explanation for that, that the brain is using what it already experienced, you know, as an explanation too. So it would be actually interesting if you write that down, you know, write down your dreams and we'll dump it into AI too.

My Portuguese mom would say all of that means news because everything means news, and you can never be wrong because we're always getting different kinds of news. That's the Portuguese.

Yeah. I, I do have a question when it comes to sleeping deep because I realize like I, I'm not, I love to, I'd rather be cold than hot. So Texas is probably not the best state for me to be in. But so I make my home at in the evenings cold. Like I, I don't care anymore. Beautiful.

That's why you sleep so well.

Yes. So I make the home, I like being cold. So I know it bothers other people, but I know we don't care about them.

It's my house.

You can, you can, I always tell 'em you can, you can add more clothes. I can't take more off. Yeah. Like, so put clothes on.

Yeah.

But so my boys love it cold as well. My husband's the only one doesn't like it cold, but I know I sleep so much better to make— I, I need— I like to— I wanna cover up in my blankets and I wanna be cold and that kind of thing. So maybe your home isn't cold enough for you, for you to sleep deep.

It could be. Yes.

Because you don't like being cold.

No, I don't. Maybe it's not. Maybe I should lower that temp, lower that temperature.

So I get it down in the 60s.

I don't know. It's probably the TV and the stuff that I said before. Yes. And just like, Sometimes I will work on my computer until like 10 o'clock at night, and then I'm like, I guess it's time for bed. And it's like my body's like, what?

It hasn't had time to rest or like start to relax. Like you said, like do the little turning off the lights and doing this. Do you go from work to bed?

Yeah.

No in between.

Yeah. Maybe it's that, you know?

Yeah.

It's probably a lot of things.

But you need to talk, Erika.

I know. I'm so— and I need sleep. I mean, we need it, right?

Yeah. So Bianca, to go on with the, the, the coaching part. So obviously you, you get some data up front, like, hey, what are your patterns? What is this? Whatever. And then what, what then happens? Like, after you have you— so I, let's say I come to you and I'm like, here, here's my data, here's all the things I'm doing. So what is—

you would have like this wonderful word discovery call first.

Okay.

Yeah.

And I collect the data, and I might actually be able, like, here in this conversation, that I tell you, hey, write it down, you know. Or, hey, it's great that you cool— you have a cool room, dark room, and all this stuff. You— or nap then so you're refreshed and for the new day or the next part of the day, actually. So, you know, I would be able to give you already one advice at that discovery call. And then I would actually look, what can we tweak? And it's also, as I said, it's a personality thing, you know, you might want to not add like this nap. You're like, I have to, you know, then I would suggest something else, you know. So we would work on the patterns. It's also usually It's actually interesting, you know, with my last podcast that we ended talking about stress management, and that is a big part too, you know. So I would look at that. How is your daily stress impact looking like?

You know, yeah, we're in real estate, we're always stressed.

Yes, there's always something.

So true. I love when you go into a doctor's office and they say like, oh well, like whatever you're experiencing, like, are you stressed? It's like, yeah, but they never tell you what to do with it, right? It's like, hey, They just like say like, don't be stressed. Yep. Stressed. Like check. And then it's like, what do we do about this?

You guys? Yeah. That's where coaching comes in.

Yeah.

You know, I'm like the person holding your hand next to you and telling you, hey, you could do this, you could tweak that, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, stress is huge in, in moms' lives and you know, all kinds of things. And I, I imagine it does affect your sleep.

Just in, in environmental, like you obviously, I, I don't, I definitely don't watch the news. I don't. Sorry, Mom. I don't watch the news, but I'll read it and I have to, I have to turn it off because if not, then I'm worrying about things that I have no control over. And I know when I worry, I don't sleep well. So I do my very best, not everything I can. I mean, it's not always— I have teenage boys, so they're always doing something to make me worry. But I try really hard just to shut it off as best I can to allow myself to sleep.

You just mentioned actually a very important topic, environment. News, where you live, who your friends are, what your job is and everything. That's why I said everything, it's very personal. You know, that's where coaching comes in. I have to collect all the data to give you that what you need.

Okay.

I can't change maybe where you live, the neighborhood, if that's dangerous, that I can change that, you know, but I can maybe suggest, hey, make your house safe, for example, so you do feel safe and you can sleep because that has an impact on your sleep too.

Yeah. Yeah. If you don't feel safe and you hear noises or whatever going on.

Yeah. Yeah.

How interesting. It all, it all impacts our sleep.

I feel like.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. We underestimate that. And like I said, we take sleep for granted. But yeah, you know, the only thing is we talk about it, how bad we slept.

Yeah.

We don't do anything about it.

What do you feel like some of the side effects are for not getting enough sleep? Like, what can it do?

Now, as I said earlier, you know, it's almost like you're drinking alcohol. You can't function right. You can't think right. In the long run, it can make you sick. Like, yeah, from a heart attack, stroke, and all this stuff. Yeah, it can go that bad.

Yeah.

Or simple stuff, daily life. You can have like an accident on the street because you don't function, you can't focus, or you're not alert.

Does it lower your immune system if you don't?

Absolutely.

So you're more likely to get like a cold or—

Yeah. Yes.

So if someone's constantly ill, maybe looking at their sleep pattern might be a good way to start versus medication.

Yep, absolutely.

I mean, so yeah, sleep is important. I value sleep. I would like more of it.

Yeah, me too.

But it seems like you have enough. I do. You know what, I— and I, I always— I guess maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. I do— when I fall asleep, I'm asleep. Yeah, I sleep well.

In this conversation, you have said the things that you do, and she's like, that's great that you're doing. I know, right?

I'm like, wow, I'm doing great.

And I have said the things that I do, and she's like, probably not that.

You suck at— you suck at sleeping.

So I think I think your sleep is good.

So I guess for you it sounds more like you have like a belief because your mom was so strict, you know. That is something I can work as a coach with you together on too.

Yeah, well, my husband's like you. He can— if my— he's like a bear. He can sleep all the times, all the time. He'd love to hibernate. And I'm like, no, no, we got to get up. And I always felt like maybe it was me, but I— but when I do wake up, I'm— I am refreshed. I'm not sleepy. I'm not tired. I'm more— I'm alert. But in my head, I guess, like, I always assumed you have to get 8 hours of sleep all the time. And I'm like, I'm— it's not my normal pattern. I'm typically a 6-hour a night sleep, but I feel well.

Yes.

Like, I don't feel bad. I don't feel, you know, foggy or whatever. But I thought my brain kind of like, I'm tired by 3 PM, but I need to be working till 6 or 7 PM. But I also get up really early.

So do you go to bed early?

Sometimes I try to. I used to be an early bird, but boys and husband don't allow that to happen. So I tend to go to bed typically. I try to get to the bedroom by 10, um, but like we're talking, we're catching up. We don't see each other during the day, so we're trying to, you know, who's doing what, who's going where tomorrow. So I'm typically not turning off the lights about 11.

Will you fall asleep on the couch?

Yes.

Oh, me too.

I am the worst.

I thought I've gotten old, and now in this conversation I think it's because I don't sleep. But I used to say I could fall asleep anywhere and I was like, I can literally fall asleep like sitting up in an airport, like waiting for a, waiting for a, a plane. Like I can fall asleep anywhere. But now I'm starting to think it's cuz I don't sleep at night. You don't sleep that I can fall asleep anywhere. So maybe it's not good.

Yeah.

So maybe not a skill that I have.

I don't enjoy watching shows or movies in the evenings because I'm like, I'm out the minute I sit down to relax. I'm out. So I'm like, if I'm doing that, I go straight to the bedroom. Like, cuz I, if I'm gonna relax, I'm gonna relax in my room. And like, that's it. Cause I don't wanna—

this is healthy. I love this for you. I am the opposite where like I will fall asleep on the couch and I will be there until like 11 o'clock at night.

But you know why? Cause I get a crick in my neck and it's not comfortable.

Yeah.

And I walk up, I'm like, eh, I could have a pain.

I could make smarter choices and I just don't.

So, ooh, I get a big glass of juice. Don't fight afterwards when I leave. Okay. Never.

Thank you.

You sleep so well.

Yeah. Now I'm super jealous.

And in my head I just didn't sleep long enough, but I, I knew, I knew when like if the home house is warm, forget it. It's gonna be miserable sleep. Um, but yeah, so I make the house cool. I make sure that it's dark because that's the only way. Like, I don't even like a little light. Like, we have a— what is it called? One of those, um, like a nightlight. Like, like, I don't like any light. Like, we used to have our TV had a light at the bottom. I put a tape on it.

Stop.

I don't like light. Like, I see it. I can see it through my eyeballs. I mean, my eyelids.

Same.

I'm the same.

Okay, if you don't have any light How do you get up to go pee in the night?

I know. I, I, I walk with my eyes closed.

Stop.

I know where my bathroom is.

Oh my gosh. And I hate, I mean, I do cuz I don't, I, I don't drink water all day.

Yeah.

And then I wait until the night to drink all the water that I need in life and then I'm up peeing all night. That's another thing I have to get into.

So how often do you go to the bathroom?

Keep talking. You tell all the secrets. What's not working?

I go, I, I typically, and it makes me mad cuz I typically wake up about 4:30 and I'm like, I don't have to get up to 5. Why do I have to go to the bathroom right now?

Yeah.

Dang it.

If I didn't have lights, I would just trip and die probably. I mean, I would just, I need sunlight.

I barely open my eyes when I go, but so no, I, my roommate used to do that.

She would tell me that so she wouldn't wake herself up, she would like pee, but like have her eyes closed. And I was like, if that works for you, I guess. Cool.

Like, well, I guess for, for me, like I, like we, I have blinds in my room, but as soon as that sunlight hits, I'm up.

Yeah.

So the whole night, like I can't have, like we have, um, Where I live, we have like a big apartment complex behind, and we used to have lots of trees and bushes that covered up all the lights from their, from their parking lot. But after the freeze, I lost all my trees or bushes that covered it, so light comes in and it drives me insane. So I have to make sure that it's dark because if not, I can't fall asleep if there's light in my room.

Hmm, this is so interesting.

So no light? So you have lights in your room when you're sleeping?

Well, I mean, I have the TV on and that—

oh, that's right.

And then yeah, like I have a, I have a nightlight. I've never seen—

what's the movie where the person comes out of the TV? Like, that's the stuff. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, you can't have the TV on.

You can't—

now you're just trying to make me afraid and I'm definitely not gonna sleep. That's funny. Well, I just—

I—

yeah, TV, I can't. I can't leave the TV on. Any noise— yeah, no. That's why I don't like— we have a cat and she's gotten older, so she gets lost in the middle of the house and so she meows. I'm like, oh my God. It's 2:00 AM. Go to sleep. Yeah. Like I, cause I hear her and I can't sleep. She does that.

How interesting.

Yep. No noise, no light.

Yeah.

Maybe that's true. So let me ask you, how often do you actually wake up during the night?

Oh my gosh. So much. Oh, I so much. And I keep looking at my, I wish this, I would put this somewhere else because then I look at it to see the time.

Don't.

But then when I look at it, I'm like, okay, well that's light in my face. And so I'm like, okay. So then I'm sometimes I'm up for like an hour and then I go back to sleep again or try.

That's why you never sleep deep because you're waking up every couple of hours and Yeah. I am learning.

Does it stress you out? Yeah. Does it stress you out actually when you wake up?

Yeah, because then I think to myself like, okay, well, I only have like 3 more hours. And I will lay there sometimes and be like, okay, like now you have an hour, now you have 30 minutes, now you— like before I have to get up. And it is crazy.

So let me tell you something actually.

Yeah.

It is pretty normal to wake up 5, up to 6 times.

Really?

Yes, it is. People underestimate it. It is just, you know, people do not remember that.

See, Marie, stuff I do is normal.

Oh, okay. I hear you. But you should not stress about it.

About that. That's why I'm telling you that if you know that, you know, it has something to do, you know, like the, like, like, you know, I'm losing my—

You're afraid. Yeah. Losing your words. Back in the what? Yeah.

Well, you know, we as humans, you know, we had to watch out, you know, for danger and everything.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

And so this was normal. You know, you wake up, as I said, 5, 6 times, you look around, everything is still fine, and then you go to sleep again.

Yeah.

And nowadays, you know, we look at the clock, the modern technology, and we're like, oh, it's 6:00. I have to get up, you know?

Yeah.

But back then we would have been like, oh, I'm fine. I can go to sleep again. Yeah. You know, and it's good to know for you that it's normal to wake up, you know, so you can turn around. And it's also a mindset thing. You can look at your cell phone actually and tell yourself, wow, instead of like stressing, you can say, Oh, I still have 2 hours actually to sleep, you know.

Yeah, I do that.

Snuggle with my pillows. Yeah, stuff like that.

I get up, I'm like, I still have 30 minutes, and I'm excited because I have 30 more minutes.

Yeah.

So I go, I, I doze off for them. Now I do have a question. I think women also, like, you're— when you become a mom, you're tuned in to hearing noises because you would have to be able to hear the baby cry or rustle, or I, you know, like, I would assume that we are just more alert Like, I always tell Roger, I'm like, you're not gonna protect— if someone breaks in, if you're gonna sleep through it, yeah, you won't hear anything. He doesn't— he can sleep through everything. He doesn't hear it. And I do. But I also equate that, that I, I had to be alert for the kids.

Yes.

Yeah, babies when they were little, right?

Right. I think before I had kids, I slept better.

Oh yeah. I remember one time my parents actually, when I was like a teenager, were putting up like a wood ceiling, and they were drilling, and I was sleeping through it.

Yeah.

I think it was after I had kids where I had to like constantly be on alert that now I just don't sleep well.

Yeah, absolutely.

Well, and you still have kids and they still— and they're still little and you know, they do get up and you know, but yeah, I would assume this woman is down the hallway. In women in general, you're just kind of more alert to hear noises.

Yeah.

Um, I don't know, it's just something I assume, but yeah, it totally makes sense to me.

Actually, yes, it is like that. You know, you used to have the same thing actually like me. I was a police officer. You know, this being alert is 24/7, you know?

Yes.

Or if you guys are married to a veteran, you know, or soldier.

Yeah.

You know, it's the same thing. They're always alert. You know, they have sleep problems too due to that.

Yeah.

Because you're always like— Worse than mine. On watch, you know, is something happening around me, you know?

That's interesting. I never really thought about that.

So those primal instincts are like multiplied.

Yeah.

Well, and like obviously I wake up when I hear Roger, like he's, he moves a lot. So we wanted to get a bed that didn't move a lot and then it was hard and you couldn't move anyways. But, and then he snores. Yeah, he's a snorer. So I kick him. I kick him, turn over.

Yeah, I tell him, I'm like, hey.

Oh no, I mean I kick him. I'm like, you're waking me up.

Did you know that actually studies prove that women sleep better alone in their bed?

I would agree.

And even more better if they have the dog with them.

Really?

Yeah. And guys actually, they need their wife next to them.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes. Roger does not sleep. I think— trying—

when I travel, that just even proves that, you know.

But now that you said that, I sleep well when I travel if I have to be somewhere and he's not. And he does not sleep well, and he can sleep all the time. My husband loves to sleep and he sleeps well when I'm there, but if I'm gone, he's like, I slept horrible.

I was on alert for both of you, and he knows he doesn't have to be when you're so aware, you know what I mean? He can sleep better because like you've got it.

Yeah, that's not fair. Wait a minute, we have this conversation later.

Yeah, I know, but also like, isn't that our whole lives? Like, isn't our whole lives as women?

But you know, I, I do like, I, I just because of less movement, like I, I don't move if he doesn't, like, so yeah, so I do realize that. I understand why— I told him the other day, I understand why people have separate beds in their bedroom. Like, guys You know, older couples, you know? Yeah. Had two different rooms or two different beds. Like I realized why people slept in separate beds because you move a lot and I, I'm like, yeah, my grandparents did when they got older and it's because my grandmother had restless leg syndrome and now I have restless leg syndrome. Shake leg.

Yes. Oh my God. All I do is like, it just, and it's the weirdest sensation. Like you, and that's maybe another reason why I don't sleep. There are so many reasons why I don't sleep.

But that's a stim, isn't that? I've heard that like someone can do that and this relaxes you too, right? Shaking your foot or your leg or whatever.

Well, this is like, for you it sounds like your nervous system.

Yeah.

It's like, it's, it's, yeah, it's nerves. Like it's like a sensation that you just have to move your legs all the time.

We just gotta get you drunk and pass you out. I guess. That's how it sounds.

That's what it sounds like. That was me last night.

But that sounds to me actually that your nervous system is always overstimulated.

You're, you're on alert.

Always.

Yeah. How interesting.

How do we help you turn that off?

I don't know.

I wish she needs to talk to me.

Talk. Yes, talk to Bianca.

Yeah, I do. I need to. Well, it is becoming ever more apparent.

Well, like, you don't know. Like, I mean, sometimes you build good habits, you don't realize it's a good habit. Like, I'm thinking it was, you know, it's something my little twerk, but it happens to be like, I like the house cold. I have to sleep, and that's how I sleep the best, and that's a good thing. But like, if you don't know those things, yeah. And you don't do them and you, you know, she gives you tips and tricks to help you sleep better. Totally. Yeah.

And you can share it with others.

Can you imagine how much better you would be if you slept better? How you're doing so well now and then, you know what I mean? Like how much better?

Yeah, but I mean, I can't imagine it.

Oh, Erika would turn into Supergirl.

There you go. You'll be able to fly.

Yeah. I don't think the world needs me. Maybe the world doesn't need me to sleep more. Oh, good grief. Well, this has been super informative.

Yes.

I have learned all the things that I need to do and I'm doing none of those things. So I will do that and sort myself out. But this is usually the time where we ask our guests just to share how, like, folks that want to help their sleep can get a hold of you.

So first, you can visit my website, www.oneofus.coach.

Okay.

Very easy because as I explained, I was a police officer, so one of us. And .coach.

Okay.

Then you can find me on Instagram and TikTok under Bianca Ramos First Responder Coach. There you can actually write me just a message and you find my phone number there on my website or the link, the bio link in those social medias. But please text me. I'm really bad with answering phones.

Yeah.

And you get a lot of spam calls anyway. So I prefer actually to call back and then people know, hey, This is Bianca Calling bag.

Sure.

Okay.

Well, we'll put all that in the show notes as well so people can kind of find you that way. And thank you so much for being on. This has been so informative.

I know sleep is really important, so I'm glad it was a great topic to have.

Yeah.

For our, our working moms.

Definitely.

Thank you guys for having me here.

Of course. And then really quickly, I will just also thank our listeners for tuning into this week's episode, and we'll catch you guys next time.

See you guys next time.

Thanks so much for tuning in to this episode of the Working Moms of San Antonio podcast. We hope you loved today's chat and found a little inspiration to take with you into your week. If you have a podcast topic suggestion or a question you'd love for us to cover, definitely send us an email at hello@workingmomsofsanantonio.com. We'd love to hear from you. And until next time, see you in the community.