Why “I Can’t Complain” Hurts Your Mental Health | The FYM Show

And we are back with another episode of the FYM Show with Ty and Yo. That's my dog Ty. I'm Yo.

Yeah.

If this is your first time tuning in, just know that you are about to hear a conversation about wellness. Now, wellness can be very expansive, right? Wellness can deal with your actual health. It can deal with your work health. It can deal with your life-work balance. But I think today's episode is going to lean into mental health, right?

Yeah.

And that also has a lot of different categories that it can fall into. But it's interesting because we were having a conversation about complaining and complaining does directly Have a relationship with how you feel about how your life is going, how you're doing, and all those things. And I want to let Ty kind of bring us into this episode. And how do you feel about complaining, Ty?

Let me tell you, Soul Train. Listen, man, this is how I feel about complaining. There is nothing That is better than— maybe it's one or two things, maybe it's one or two things, but outside of those one or two things, there's nothing better than waking up every day. Once you wake up, there's nothing that gets better than waking up every day, right?

Right.

Uh, especially if you value being here. If you don't value being here, then we fundamentally are not in the same dialogue of conversations, respectfully, right? But if you are excited about being here, no day is bad until you miss a day, right?

Mm-hmm.

And so when we start thinking about this concept of, that, like we was talking about earlier, I can't complain. It's almost like a person give their own self like a slick diss, a sneak diss of like—

A sneak diss.

Great, I can't complain. But it's like unconsciously you got some things that you wanna get off your chest versus being like, how's your day going, man? My day is going excellent. If you have some time later on, I would like to talk to you about some things that Some challenges that I've been trying to work through and find a positive runway to get through them. You know what I'm saying? Because if somebody is asking you how you doing, you can automatically feel like that they have some capacity to like walk you through some challenges that they might be going through that is making their day seem like it's a bit of a challenge. But in actuality, it just seems it's not actually a real challenge because you get to wake up and ask that question.

Um, now Ty, let's, let's walk this back a little bit. Now when someone says, I can't complain, why does it irritate you so much though? Like, because I, I feel like it's such an autopilot thing to say, right? Someone's like, how you doing, man? I can't complain. It's just the thing that just rolls off the tongue. It just jumps out of the skin.

I think it's very— I think it's very important To learn the origination of the things you say out of your mouth, right?

Okay, all right, okay, all right.

So spiritually, you know, there's life and death, life and death of the tongue, right? Our brain, the chemicals, it functions, it, it, it develops, it moves based on how our words Kind of like impact people. If you grow up hearing your mom or your dad tell you, you ain't gonna be nothing, you might as well don't pursue this, you don't pursue that— those are words. They don't have to beat you with a belt, they don't have to beat you with their hands, they can beat you with negative words.

Yes, absolutely.

So when you hear a person be like, I can't complain, It's almost like they are— they know complaining is not beneficial, but they're acknowledging that the complaining is not beneficial.

Right, right.

So it's almost like, right, it's almost like I walk up, I mean, I walk up, I greet you, and you pass gas. Now I gotta smell your gas that you done passed. That's how I feel when I'm like, how you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm amazing. You know, even if I've had a— even if I've had these challenging days, my words is my future, right?

Yeah.

And then I was like, well, how are you doing? I can't complain. It's like, oh my God, get me away from this person. Because your words is your future.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess that's like the heart of this conversation, is the way not only do you think about yourself, but how do you express your ideas in considering the words that you say? Because I think it's very easy again to fall into just like lingo and phrases that other people have kind of like projected and that you absorbed and you repeat. I think I see a lot of regurgitation.

Yeah.

Culturally, right?

Absolutely.

But something that I always thought was interesting, Ty— I was— I stayed at Ty's place one time. He had a dry erase board, right? And sometimes Ty would have like business stuff on this dry erase board, but sometimes he'll just say like, smile, big man. And I remember seeing it and being like, why is it— he would write it real big, it'd be the only thing on there. And I always wanted to ask him why. Why did— why did you have that? Because, you know, usually, uh, entrepreneurs and business people, their dry erase boards be like All types of budgeting and all types of things. And I would just always see that and wonder why, why Smile?

It's funny because I, in my apartment that I had that same building, it was smaller. And there was a, there was a glass like mirror. It was a mirror on the wall. And we used to write goals on that mirror. That's where I wrote the 3 names for Brent's debut album. It was Sun to Sun, it was Lost Angels, and it was one other thing. I wrote it on that glass board. The Smile, Big Man actually was written on the board by Felicia.

Of course Wealthy did it. Of course.

Wealthy wrote it on the board and I just, like, when you just busy, I just never erased it.

You know what I'm saying?

It's just one of those things.

But did it make you feel positive though? You would see it and you like, did it make you feel good?

It came from this movie. off Netflix. Um, Deer— I think it was called Deer Boy. Was it called Deer Boy? But it was about the boy that had the, the, the, the deer antlers.

Antlers. Okay.

It was a little kid that was like— it was a movie, this TV series about these kids that had like animal features, and they was like hunting them down, and people was like trying to like save them. And the one that had the, the antlers He's always tell the big black guy, smile, big man. So that's where that came from. Wow.

But it— to me, your day just starts with such a positive idea.

Yeah.

If it's like, all right, I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna smile. To your point about if you wake up, it's already a good day. You woke up, someone didn't.

It's a great day.

A lot of people actually didn't. So But these, these, even writing goals on a mirror, you know, I heard Michael Jackson did that when he was working on Thriller and about how many albums he wanted to sell. These, these positive reinforcements, Ty, when do you feel like you started to really try to think positively about the, the way you want to get through the day when it comes to yourself and your business?

Um, man, the— it's, it's It's actually funny because you find your way back to Christ in different ways. But I remember in 2007, I got introduced to the book The Secret. And The Secret was all about speaking into existence, writing it down, writing exactly what you want to see. That was like, even though I knew about the Bible, but I hadn't like read it in detail. But this book spoke to me in such a crazy way that I was like, man, up buying and shipping it to the people. And from there, I started to realize that talking about the things that you wanted to do was just as powerful as acting on the things that you wanted to do, right?

Mhm.

Because the idea mentally, then you start to recite it internally, then you start to recite it to people, and then that's kind of like gives you this action to go and do it. Some people don't have to even talk about it. They just, they're just an action person. One, because they know exactly what to do and it's in their head, or they don't know how to articulate it to other people. So for me, the earliest I can think about is like 2006, 2007. Um, but that's just far as I can remember. There probably was moments, right? 'Cause I remember being in like 5th grade, 6th grade, I'm like, I'm going to the NFL. I'm gonna go to school, I'm gonna get good grades, I'm gonna go to college and I'm going to the league. I didn't write none of that down. That was just every single day, that's what I worked towards.

It was up here though.

Exactly, it was up here. But I started writing a lot of stuff down when I felt like football failed me.

You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm.

'Cause I dedicated my whole life into that sport. So when it didn't give me what I thought I was due, I basically like broke up with it, divorced it, stopped watching it. And then I started to like go on this journey and not knowing how and what I was gonna do caused me to start writing more stuff down. 'Cause it was like this imagination or this storytelling. about how I want my life to be, you know what I'm saying? But that's kind of like where it started happening for me at like 2006, 2007, where I started writing down things that I wanted to see in my life.

But you— did you get depressed though once you had divorced the thing you committed your life to? Was there a period of depression that you had to get over to return back to this positive thinking?

Um, I don't think it was like being depressed more so than it's like, um, dang, man. I would say probably just a little uncertain and a little lost because now you're like, you're recalibrating. Just think about it, this was in 2007, right? Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So I was 5 years removed from high school. I graduated high school 18. So 19, 20, 21, 22, 23. So I'm 23. So I've been playing this game, telling myself I'm going to the NFL since I was like 13. So that's a decade of talking myself through, not only talking, but going the route. Okay, every time you got to a new step, okay, I'm gonna play middle school. Then I'm gonna get— I'm gonna get to high school, then I'm gonna start in high school. But now I'm only— I'm gonna start, I'm gonna perform in a way that some colleges want to give me a scholarship, right?

Absolutely.

When I get to that college, I gotta do that again for 3 years to even be eligible to go to the league. So there's a lot of like, like step planning, step planning that in 2017 I basically had to start over. Like, yo, what am I— because I wasn't multitasking, I was just doing football.

One thing.

I didn't even know you could do multiple things, bro. I didn't know you could do multiple things, you know what I'm saying?

But that's that steadfast tunnel vision where you're like, okay, it has to be this. I'm not letting nothing deter me. I'm not getting distracted. It's got to be this. That's why to me, Ty, like, it's kind of heartbreaking to like run into a wall. when you've been one-minded the entire time, right?

Right, right, right, right.

You could have complained. You know, someone asked like, how you doing? Like, hey, I can't complain. You could have complained about that, I think.

You know what really— you know what really didn't— um, why I didn't have like— I feel like I wasn't depressed after not playing football anymore, because playing football was when I really knew that like, like Jesus was real.

Mm-hmm.

So my last football game that I played, I was in Bakersfield, California, playing on an arena team developing to try to get to the CFL. And I remember this play so vividly where I would be the one that would be— and really you got the people that are receiving that are motioning around and you'd be running full speed, right? And so I was on the back end and I, and I motioned around and I remember coming off the ball and I like had that pow and I had to go across the field and the quarterback threw the ball a little low. So I caught the ball right on the wall 'cause on the arena league they have this wall. So I caught the ball right on the wall.

Right.

And then somebody crashed right into me and it kind of smashed me against the wall. And I felt this crazy painful streak of pain go down my back. So I jumped up, which I probably shouldn't have, but I jumped up, hurry up and walked back, walked to the huddle. And then I was like, like basically carried off the field. Not on— not like carried, but I was like somebody was assisting me as I walk, walk off the field. So long story short, I couldn't feel my legs. They had to call an ambulance, right? And so I'm in the back of the ambulance. I'm like, can't feel my legs. I done gave my whole life to this sport. I'm like, boy, it can't end like this. Hey Lord, this ain't even NFL. I didn't say that though. I didn't say it's not even NFL. I was like, hey Lord, listen, I— You know I love this sport. This all I did, like, this all I thought about. I said, but if you give me the ability to walk so I can feel my legs, I'm done and I'm never playing this ever again. So I get to the hospital, the doctor doing this little thing with the bottom of your feet, trying to see if you feel anything. I'm sitting down, I don't feel nothing. He go to the other feet, I don't feel nothing. So mind you, I'm trying not to panic.

Right.

So, you know, doctor said, I'm gonna come back in, you know, whatever. Oh, come back in. And when he rubbed that, that first time he rubbed, on the second go, I started to feel a little tingle. I'm like, oh, okay. Then the other foot started to feel a little bit more feeling. And so my feeling came all the way back, and the doctor kind of just chalked it up as a pinched nerve that kind of momentarily Made both of my legs go numb. I booked a flight and left. They cleared me to play the next game. They was like, oh, pinched nerve, you can play the next game.

Oh.

I booked a flight and left. The coaches was confused. They were like, yo. 'Cause I was starting. I had done scored like 10 touchdowns on the season already. And I had took a guy's position 'cause he got hurt. I booked a flight and left, bro. Because I knew that I did not feel my feet. In my legs on that ambulance. And my love for the sport of football at that time in my life, bro, I did not think about nothing or nobody else. I went wherever to go, wherever I had to go to play it, to try to get to the next level I was trying to get at. So me sacrificing that for the, for the agreement that I made with Christ And with Jesus at that time, not even realizing how strong of a bond that is, um, it taught me, it taught me what the Lord would do in your life when you sacrifice the things that you think you love for, for him. So when I could feel them feet and I walked out of the hospital, Book my flight, my own money. I'm out. The coaches was like, what? Yo, what's going on? Why you— why you leaving? We got a doctor's report. They said you cleared. I'm like, I don't care what the doctor said. I made a deal with Jesus. I'm out of here. I'm not playing this game no more. So it wasn't like when I divorced it, I was like— when I divorced it, it was almost like I'm not depressed. But I'm honorable, so I'm gonna keep my word with Jesus, you know. Yeah, NFL football. I'm not gonna go play no flag football. I'm not gonna go play no semi-pro. I'm not doing none of that because I made an agreement.

Now, now hold that thought. Did you appreciate walking?

Yes.

More after that?

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

You couldn't take that for granted no more. I see, I see, I see.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not at all, brother.

But see, I, I appreciate that part of the story too, because you— we do take things for granted, right? Sometimes we're complaining because we're taking things for granted.

Absolutely.

We're not getting the thing that we want, and if I, if I, if I start opening up and start complaining— and sometimes that's why people don't complain, because they know you really should not be complaining. You really shouldn't, like, take a few things that aren't going your way and make them bigger than the things that are going your way, like walking, you know. Um, it's crazy that you told this story today because maybe a couple months ago I watched the movie Friday Night Lights. You remember Friday Night Lights?

Yeah. Booby Miles? Yeah.

Yo, that Booby Miles scene when he gets sacked and he can't— he's told he can't play football no more. I don't even think we get movie scenes like that anymore where you are so convinced that this kid— like, it's heartbreaking to tell your uncle, I want to buy you a house, right? Because I thought I'll be able to use my athletics and my skill in this sport to, uh, advance our family, right? This was supposed to change our lives. And when he told his uncle, I want to buy you a house, I felt it in my soul because it's just like, bro, you be trying so hard sometimes, and then you—

That's right.

And something stops you from going You know what I mean?

I'm telling you, bro. And I never even thought about it as I'm telling this story. I never thought about that sacrifice. All I knew was I like walking. I didn't know I liked walking until it was starting to be taken away. And I like walking way more than I like playing football. And the conversation with Jesus in the back of the ambulance, I didn't realize that I was making an agreement Jesus as well. Until— because you're just thinking, like, sometimes people just say stuff and pray, and they're a little skeptical if it's going to come true, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But that, that moment inside of the ambulance showed me how powerful prayer was, for one. It showed me how powerful sacrificing something you think you love for a relationship with Christ. Even though I was a heathen then, I ain't a heathen no more.

But you knew, you knew who to go to.

Oh yeah.

Hey, and you believed in it. You believed in enough of the agreement that you didn't go back out there because you'd have been a real heathen if you would have played that next game. That's a scary thought, to ask for such a favor Yeah. And then be like, oh yeah, yeah, I can just—

I have conducted risky behavior in my life, but I wasn't gonna take that type of— I wasn't gonna go that type of risky.

Now, Ty, since middle school, you never had an injury like that?

Nope.

Wow.

No, no.

So to get through such a long tenure of playing and then run into, bro, such a, such a serious— like, not being able to feel your, your feet and your legs is a very hard thing to—

And listen, bro, The truth of the matter is I'm way better at the music industry than I was playing football.

Are you really?

Like, like, I was, I was, I was good enough to get a full scholarship, right? And I was good enough to play at these type of arena teams. But these arena teams is like, I wouldn't represent nobody that play in these arena teams today. And I represent I only wanna represent NFL players.

Yeah.

So my drive to try to get to the NFL took me down this beaten road of playing a game. Now I'm on turf, there's a wall around it. It's like, that was the level of dedication. And so now when I think about the comparison of it, it's almost like me loving music so much that I wanna go to the hood in Brazil to try to go find this artist that I seen going viral. I ain't that dedicated to music.

You not?

I'm not that dedicated to music. I'm not going to Brazil. I'm not going to Colombia. I'm not going into Watts. I'm not going into Compton to try to hunt down this artist that— I'm not that invested. But with football, I'm going through the crevices. Now, the one thing I put a scrawl on, I was never gonna play semi-pro. I said, "I'm not doing that. I'm never playing." Why not?

What's the difference between arena and semi-pro?

Uh, you getting paid first of all, so you gonna get paid. Semi-pro is nothing but a bunch of you know young men that they make it that's out grassroots organizing. It's almost like playing pickup ball that anybody. Yeah, it ain't no real.

It got pro in the name, but it's not quite professional.

Ain't nobody watching semi-pro film and being like, "You know what?" The Browns gonna pick him up? No.

Nah, not at all. Now, I want to ask you this before we get out of here though. At what point did you feel like music business, you were superior at that than playing football? When did you realize that you were that good at it?

Um, really recently, bro. So a lot of people didn't even know I played football. That's how, that's how disconnected I was from it. I didn't talk about it at all. Yeah, some people like, back in my day, I didn't even—

Yeah, varsity jacket on, I gotta tell you about all my highlights.

I didn't talk about it. It wasn't like 10 years in of people knowing me in the music business, they might have seen a highlight film that I post on Instagram for like giggles, for just like giggles. Like, yeah, man, look at this. It's like, who is that? You know what I'm saying?

But what happened recently where you, where you felt pretty confident about that transition?

Um, so when you're working and you're trying to build something, right, you yourself don't really know how good you are at that thing, right? Like, you can try to imagine it, but it's as you As you see how other people talk about you with the things that you do.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Or the things that you're capable of doing or whatever the case might be. And so I think that like maybe over the last like 3 years, 'cause sometimes you can get lost into this concept, you can get lost to this concept of being in the shadow of an artist or being in the shadow of a client or things of that nature. But then you start realizing like, I got a special skill set too, you know what I'm saying? It's different than yours because my skill set probably won't make me famous and people want to come by the tens and thousands to watch me talk about business on a platform at the drop of a dime because, you know what I'm saying? But there is a value of it in the there's value of it in the concept of like the ecosystem of business that you're in, you know what I'm saying? And I think it's important to know the value of like your niche and when you actually are really good at what you're doing in your niche. And so that's when I realized, and it wasn't even about success on a monetary perspective, it was just like from a skill set, like my skill set. When it comes to like management, operations, business ops, way better than my skill set at playing football.

But you were determined to build that skill set though.

No, I wasn't. I was determined not to get fired. No, that's what I was.

Well, that's a great inspiration.

As time went along, I'm like, oh, This is kind of like a career, huh? People kind of do this as a career.

Okay, the big C word.

Yeah, okay, okay. I think we can kind of figure something out. Let me try to see. And then I just start diving in more and more and more and more and more and started to learn a lot more hands-on things, you know what I'm saying, with myself.

But I think that's the amazing part, is that you can arrive at that Later versus when, you know, you were on that table, you were just asking Jesus to walk. You weren't saying like, help me be successful in an industry outside of football, help me be, you know, wealthy outside of the arena. You know, just being able to walk gave you a chance at a second life. Oh, listen, like, that's— how could you—

right now I'm extremely thankful and blessed for the life that I currently live. But if I have to sit down with Jesus and have a conversation and I have to pick between my current life, my current body of work as a businessman versus walking, I'm taking walking every single day, every single minute, every single hour.

Mm-hmm.

I don't care how much money— I don't care how much money I'm making. I don't care how many celebrities I know or how famous— I don't care. I'm gonna take walking over all of it. Over, over, over.

Amen. You really made me imagine, like, if you meet Jesus, you're not gonna tell him can't complain. No, you're not. You're not gonna be like, Jesus, how you doing? You're not gonna be like, I can't complain. You're not. You're not. You're just not. You're gonna be grateful and thankful and appreciate it.

The thing that is most important that people need to take away from this, and I say need very strongly, is that your words is your future. If you don't understand that simple concept, your words is your future. Future. It's like, because it's thought— your words start with your thinking. You know, some people say you just talk without thinking. They usually ain't landing their plane when they talking. But when you think before you— yeah, your words is more dangerous, it's more precise, it's gonna really get you where you need to go. But when you just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what it sounds like. I can't complain. Sound like you talked before you was thinking. And so I just think that people do a better job at realizing that, you know.

And it's good for your mental health, to be honest. Think about your words. This is another episode of the FYM Show. That's Ty. I'm Yo. Uh, please like, subscribe, share with someone who also needs to consider the way they use their words. And we will be back next time. Best believe that words in the Culture Playbook are good words. So if you don't got that, get that. Really good words in that book. If you running a business, if you starting a music career, you need that in your library, on your bookshelf. And we will be back next time with more, uh, conversations about wellness. This is the FYM Show. We'll see y'all next time.

Peace. Peace.