In this introductory video for the "Holding On To Us" marriage empowerment course, Reverend Dr. A’Shellarien Addison welcomes participants and frames the program as a faith‑based journey from "commandment" (obligation) to "covenant" (willing, loving commitment). She presents two core secrets for a lasting, loyal relationship: (1) managing unmet expectations, which are the disappointments that arise when partners assume the marriage will stay like the honeymoon and fail to adjust to everyday realities; and (2) uncovering unspoken contracts, the implicit agreements couples never articulate (e.g., fidelity expectations during deployment) that can cause resentment when violated. Dr. Addison explains how these hidden dynamics fuel bitterness, dysfunction, and emotional withdrawal. The course incorporates humor and insight from Mark Unger’s "Laugh Your Way" videos to address hard topics, and offers a free one‑hour follow‑up session. She outlines her extensive credentials—degrees in early childhood education, urban ministry leadership, divinity, sacred theology, biblical theology, traumatology, plus training in marriage and family therapy, mental health, chaplaincy, and experience as an Army and hospice chaplain—positioning herself as a seasoned guide. Throughout, she emphasizes grace, personal agency, and spiritual grounding, urging couples at any stage (newlyweds, long‑term, or on the brink of divorce) to trust God and each other, hold onto the covenant, and navigate the relationship with intentional communication and love.
Chapters
Hello, welcome to the Holding On to Us marriage empowerment course. I am Reverend Dr. A'Shellarien Addison Addison Addison. I will be your facilitator as we take this journey together. I am so proud of you for taking this step in your relationship. Here we move from commandment to covenant. I'm loving you because I want to, not because I have to. You know, commandment says I I have to do it. Commandment says I'm forced to do it. Covenant says I'm doing it willingly, I'm actively engaged. I will tell you, covenant is the secret sauce to a loving, long-lasting, loyal relationship. And so together you will learn what that covenant is. So this is the faith-based version, so this will be where your faith will be enriched, your lives will be enriched, and I am I'm so encouraged and happy for you. You know, I want to give you two secrets that I've learned as I teach these marriage courses around the country. And the two secrets to a loving, long-lasting, loyal relationship is to think about your unmet expectations and your unspoken contracts. I hear you saying, now what are you talking about? I'm glad you asked me. Unmet expectations are those things that we get very disappointed when things don't happen. And then we have a challenge managing our emotions around that disappointment. Unspoken contracts are things you hold your spouse accountable for that you never told them about. So let's, let's talk about unmet expectations. So an unmet expectation would be you thinking that marriage is going to be just like your honeymoon. It's great, you had a great time, you was boo-loving, it was exciting, you did all this great stuff. That's if you took a honeymoon, right? Then you get home and life happens, you go back to work, you You got kids, bills, and it's like, man, this is not the honeymoon. That is an unmet expectation. And some people lash out, they become very mean because they have an unmet expectation, which leads to bitterness, which leads to dysfunction in your relationship. You pull away from each other. So now let's talk about unspoken contracts. So what's an example of an unspoken contract? An unspoken contract would be Like when I was overseas with my soldiers, the spouse that was left behind had an unspoken contract with the soldier that they would be faithful while they're overseas, and then the soldier had an unspoken contract with their spouse that they would be faithful at home. So maybe some couples had that conversation, some couples didn't, and the couples that didn't have that conversation figured, I shouldn't have to. Why? Because it's an unspoken contract. And I hear you saying, "You know what? Some things should just be common sense." Well, I'm here to tell you, common sense ain't always common. And so here we find ourselves, right? So with covenant comes the work of relationships. Love, that's the easy part. It's managing your relationship, the communication, the trust, the talking, the give and flow, you know what I mean? That's the hard part. So that's what this course is designed to do. So we've partnered with Mark Unger. And so you're going to watch some videos from Laugh Your Way. And Laugh Your Way is just a really fun way to talk about the hard things, to talk about the victories you've accomplished, and how do we go through this thing called life? Because I tell you, relationships are not easy. You know, there's some leaning into some twists, there's some turns, there's some highs, there's some lows, and we need somebody to help us navigate this thing called relationship. And so I'm so excited for you as you take this journey. And so I hear you saying, you know, I'm not really into it. Well, give it a chance. Give it a chance. Watch the first video, see how you feel, and then, you know, move on to the next step. And so the good news is, at the end of this course, you'll have an opportunity to have a 1-hour session with me free. Now, here you saying, who are you? I don't know you, lady. It's okay, I'll tell you who I am. I'm Reverend Dr. A'Shellarien Addison. I have an associate's degree in early childhood education. I have a bachelor's degree in urban ministry leadership. I have a master's in divinity, a master's in sacred theology, a doctorate of biblical theology, and a doctorate of traumatology. I'm trained in marriage and family therapy. I'm trained in mental health and chaplaincy, all the courses that I get with the Army. I'm an Army chaplain. I'm a hospice chaplain, a mentor. I do so many things. I'm a mother. I'm a grandmother, all kinds of stuff. And so you get the benefit of all of my years of expertise. And so I'm excited for you. You know, I want you to give yourself and your spouse the grace and the space to accept the knowledge that's coming your way. Some of this information is not going to be easy. Some of it might trigger you. Some of them might push your buttons. But give yourself the grace and the space to accept what you need to accept and reject what you need to reject. Those things that make sense to you, hold on to them. We call it in the, in the theology world, eat the meat and spit out the bones. And so here you are at this new journey in your relationship. So whether you find yourself at the very beginning, whether you find yourself possibly at the end, whether you just signed your marriage certificate, whether you're at the brink of signing your divorce certificate, it doesn't matter. Doesn't— whatever it feels like, whatever it looks like, whatever it sounds like, God is here to help you get to that next step. So thank you for trusting me on this journey. And now it's time for you to trust each other as you walk this journey together. So what courage it takes for you to say, you know what, we need some help. And so here you are today to hold onto each other. So you keep holding onto God's unchanging hand. And as you do that, hold onto each other as you honor your covenant to love each other till death do you part.
