Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

2 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this conversational YouTube segment, two speakers reflect on two recent books that explore the hidden burdens carried by strong women, termed the "strong woman tax." They describe how the books reveal inherited alarm systems—family‑passed scripts of stress, fear, and hyper‑vigilance—that cause women to react automatically to perceived threats. The discussion introduces two practical tools presented in the books: "Pause," a simple practice of taking three breaths before responding to interrupt automatic reactivity, and "Pray," a spiritual practice that reconnects the individual to God’s wisdom, peace, and presence. A pivotal quote—"Healing needs compassion, not blame"—shifts the speakers’ self‑talk from self‑criticism to compassionate self‑care. The dialogue emphasizes that choosing to be unbothered is not denial or spiritual bypassing, but a cultivated, intentional state of grounded peace, and encourages listeners to adopt these tools for lasting healing.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman tax. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.