Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

1 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this YouTube video, A'Shellarien Addison reflects on two self‑help books that explore the hidden burdens carried by women who are expected to be strong, a phenomenon she calls the "strong woman tax." The discussion highlights how inherited family alarm systems program hypervigilance, stress, and automatic reactivity, and how recognizing these scripts can be a turning point. Practical tools are presented, such as the "Pause" technique—taking three conscious breaths before responding—to break automatic patterns, and prayer, which is framed as a way to reconnect with divine wisdom, peace, and presence. A key insight emphasized is that healing requires compassion toward oneself rather than blame, shifting internal dialogue toward kindness. The speakers also clarify that cultivating a grounded state of peace is not spiritual bypassing but an intentional practice. Overall, the video serves as both a diagnosis of the unseen costs of being the dependable, strong woman and a guide to actionable, compassionate strategies for healing.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman tax. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.