Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

4 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this short YouTube dialogue, speakers A and B reflect on a book that articulates the hidden burdens carried by women who are expected to be the "strong one" in families and communities. They describe how the book names the "strong woman tax"—the emotional and psychological cost of inheriting family alarm systems that trigger stress, fear, and hypervigilance. The conversation highlights two practical tools introduced in the book: the "Pause" technique (taking three breaths before responding) to break automatic reactivity, and prayer as a way to reconnect with divine wisdom, peace, and presence. A pivotal quote—"Healing needs compassion, not blame"—shifts their self‑talk toward self‑compassion. The speakers emphasize that cultivating a grounded state of peace is not denial or spiritual bypassing, but an intentional practice that allows strong women to move beyond merely surviving.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman text. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.