Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

5 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this YouTube discussion, three speakers reflect on two books that explore the concept of the “strong woman tax”—the invisible emotional weight carried by women who are expected to be resilient, dependable, and self‑sacrificing. They describe how the books name inherited alarm systems and generational trauma, and they share practical tools such as pausing, taking three breaths, and prayer to interrupt automatic reactivity. A central insight is that healing requires compassion rather than blame, reshaping self‑talk and allowing space for intentional peace. The conversation frames the paired books as both a therapeutic exposure of the wound and a concrete toolkit for anyone who feels they have been the strong one, offering a path from survival to conscious response.

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard.
Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman tax. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting.
One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself. Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.