Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

3 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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1:21

In this short spoken excerpt, two speakers discuss a book that identifies the hidden emotional burdens carried by women who are expected to be "strong." They describe how the book names the "strong woman tax"—the weight of inherited alarm systems, chronic stress, fear, and hyper‑vigilance that were never chosen. The speakers highlight practical tools introduced in the text: a simple "pause" practice of taking three breaths before responding, which interrupts automatic reactivity, and a prayer practice that reconnects them to God’s wisdom, peace, and presence. A pivotal quote—"Healing needs compassion, not blame"—shifts their self‑talk from self‑criticism to compassionate care. The dialogue also clarifies that choosing a grounded, peaceful state is not spiritual bypassing but an intentional, cultivated response to trauma. Overall, the excerpt serves as a personal testimonial and brief review, illustrating how naming these patterns and applying the suggested practices can transform how strong women experience and heal from inherited emotional legacies.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman text. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.