Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

1 Apr 2026 · 1 min

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1:21

In this brief conversational excerpt, two speakers reflect on the concept of the "Strong Woman Tax," describing how inherited trauma and family‑coded alarm systems manifest as chronic stress, hyper‑vigilance, and a sense of responsibility for battles they never chose. They discuss two practical tools introduced in the referenced books—"Pause," a breathing technique to interrupt automatic reactivity, and "Pray," a practice of reconnecting with divine wisdom for peace. A pivotal quote, "Healing needs compassion, not blame," reshapes their self‑talk and frames healing as an act of kindness rather than self‑criticism. The dialogue also clarifies that cultivating a grounded, unbothered state is not denial or spiritual bypassing, but an intentional posture of peace.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman text. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance. Being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.