Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

30 Mar 2026 · 1 min

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1:21

In this reflective testimonial excerpt from A'Shellarien Addison’s YouTube video, two speakers discuss how a recent work on inherited trauma and the “strong woman tax” resonated with them. Speaker A describes the revelation of inherited alarm systems—family‑passed‑down reactive patterns—and how the book names the burden strong women carry, shifting her self‑talk from blame to compassion. The speakers highlight two practical tools introduced in the book: the “Pause” technique (taking three breaths before responding) and “Pray,” a spiritual practice to reconnect with divine wisdom, peace, and presence. They emphasize that cultivating a grounded, intentional state of peace is distinct from denial or spiritual bypassing, and that healing requires compassion rather than self‑blame. The tone is personal, contemplative, and encouraging, aiming to inspire listeners to adopt these practices for emotional and spiritual recovery.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman tax. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are inviters. If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.