Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

31 Mar 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this YouTube discussion, speakers A and B reflect on two books that explore the hidden burdens carried by women who are expected to be strong and resilient. They describe how the concept of an "inherited alarm system" explains family‑passed‑down reactive patterns, and how recognizing this can illuminate why they feel chronic stress, fear, and hyper‑vigilance. The conversation introduces practical tools: the "Pause" technique—taking three deliberate breaths before responding—to break automatic reactivity, and prayer as a way to reconnect with God’s wisdom, peace, and presence. A pivotal insight highlighted is the shift from self‑blame to compassion, encapsulated in the quote "Healing needs compassion, not blame," which reshapes how they talk to themselves. The speakers also clarify that cultivating a grounded state of peace is not spiritual bypassing but an intentional, intentional practice. Overall, the dialogue offers both conceptual framing and actionable steps for women to stop paying for burdens they never chose.

Chapters

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard. Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman text. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting. One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself.
Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.