Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

4 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this YouTube discussion, three speakers reflect on two books that explore the concept of the "strong woman tax"—the invisible, unchosen burdens that resilient women inherit from family trauma and societal expectations. They describe how the books name inherited alarm systems, hypervigilance, and the pressure to constantly survive and adapt. Practical tools highlighted include the "pause" technique (taking three breaths before responding) and prayer as a way to reconnect with divine wisdom and cultivate peace. A key insight is the shift from self‑blame to compassionate healing, captured in the quote "Healing needs compassion, not blame." The speakers agree that pairing the two books feels like both therapy and a toolkit, offering a pathway for strong, dependable women who carry invisible weight to move toward intentional, grounded peace rather than mere survival.

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard.
Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman tax. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting.
One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself. Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.