Rev. Dr. A'Shellarien AddisonFounder & CEO, Bethel Bethesda Global · Board-certified Army Chaplain | Spiritual Clinical Trauma-Informed Theologian | Empowering Women to Accentuate Their Greatness in Spirit, Finances, Relationships & Business

The Strong Woman Tax: Paying for What You Never Chose

3 Apr 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

1:21

In this YouTube discussion, three speakers reflect on two books that uncover the hidden burdens placed on "strong" women, a phenomenon they label the "strong woman tax." They describe how these works name inherited alarm systems, chronic hypervigilance, and the invisible weight of constantly being the dependable one. The conversation highlights practical healing tools introduced in the books—pausing to interrupt automatic reactions, prayer to reconnect with divine wisdom, and focused breathing—to cultivate compassion over self‑blame. One speaker shares a pivotal quote, "Healing needs compassion, not blame," and explains how taking three breaths before responding creates space for choice rather than survival. The dialogue frames the books as both therapeutic exposure of the wound and a concrete toolkit for women who have been praised for merely surviving, offering a path toward intentional, grounded peace without spiritual bypassing.

I thought this was another self-help gimmick, but it named the weight I've been carrying and showed me how to stop paying for what I never chose. Reading the section on inherited alarm systems felt like seeing my family's scripted responses spelled out, and it hit me really hard.
Pause helps us interrupt automatic reactions. Pray reconnects us to God's wisdom, peace, and presence. Dang. This work names the strong woman tax. And shows that so many strong women have been praised for surviving, adapting.
One quote stopped me: "Healing needs compassion, not blame." And that idea shifted how I talk to myself. Pause became my first tool, taking 3 breaths before answering, which broke automatic reactivity and gave me space so I could choose my response, not just survive.
Have you ever felt exhausted by battles you never started? Have you ever found yourself carrying stress, fear, hypervigilance, and being unbothered is not denial or pretending pain never happened. It is not spiritual bypassing. It is a cultivated, intentional, grounded state of peace.
Together, these two books expose the wound and offered a way forward. Pairing them felt like therapy and a toolkit. They are an invit— If you have ever been the strong one, the dependable one, the one who kept going while carrying invisible weight, these books were written with you in mind.