Meet Deb Rossi - Sales Advisor to Fellowship Square
In this YouTube interview, host Adrienne Barker, MAS, talks with Deb Rossi, a sales advisor with 17+ years of experience in the senior‑living industry, about Fellowship Square, a nonprofit, Christian‑based senior community in Tucson. Deb explains how she entered the field while searching for a place for her own parents and describes the three tiers of care offered—independent living, assisted living, and memory care—detailing age eligibility, services, and resident lifestyle. The conversation covers the nonprofit’s funding model (grants, lower fees compared to for‑profit chains), extensive amenities on the 22‑acre campus (five pools, activity programs, dining, chaplain, pet‑friendly policies, guest suites, and transportation), safety and security features (gated entry, 24/7 staff, pendant alarms, exterior cameras, regular housekeeping). Deb shares resident success stories, the importance of socialization, staff longevity (average 10+ years), and practical advice for families evaluating senior‑living options, including key questions to ask about staff turnover, safety, activities, meals, and pet policies. The interview also touches on broader topics such as the challenges families face when transitioning parents to care, safety concerns like leaving seniors in cars, and the lack of assisted‑living models in some countries. Throughout, Deb emphasizes the “resort‑style” living experience, the health and emotional benefits of community, and the peace of mind it offers both residents and their adult children.
Chapters
And of course we'll mention Luigi.
Of course.
So welcome back everyone to Adrienne Barker Speaks. So this time I do know this beautiful woman, but I want to talk— her, what she does for work is so important. But let me just tell you what I know. Deb Rossi was a chairwoman of the event that we pulled together, the Western Talent Show, which was amazing. And, uh, we had such a group, but we I just did a shout out to Luigi, White Panther, who— oh my gosh, when he stopped singing for the 5 minutes and we didn't know what to do, but it was the most powerful because he was crying. It was the most powerful time that we've ever experienced. And thank you for just doing everything that you did, because that was huge. So Deb, tell everyone who you are so that they first know who you are.
Deb Rossi. I work in the retirement industry, so the senior living industry. Industry. I've been doing this a little over 17 years now, various communities in Tucson and Orange County, California. I'm very passionate about what I do. I started in this community, in this industry, because I was looking for a community for my parents, and I didn't know anything about the senior living industry. I was kind of just going out there and looking, and having been in media sales and hotel advertising for many, many years, I walked into a couple of communities and I said, this is what I want to do. This is where I feel like my passion is. So a little over 17 years ago, I started in the sales industry in this wonderful industry I'm in now.
Selling comfort, selling safety, selling peace of mind. I can understand. It's always been fascinating for me. So now you— just to go back to the American Cancer Society, but I don't— that wasn't your first time. So Part of the role is what, like being in the community so that people can see and understand and be able to ask you questions and, and get to know the community? Is that something— have you done a lot of nonprofit volunteerism?
I haven't done a lot of nonprofit other than the Cancer Society. I worked for the Heart Association for a few years, but the Cancer Society, we did— my husband and I did 3 galas in California. And two here, we co-chair it. So that's why coming to Fellowship Square was also important to me because it is a nonprofit. And I just feel like that's just a, it's just a huge give back to the community. You know, when you're working for a nonprofit or volunteering for nonprofit, I think that's just so important.
What is the difference? So, so first of all, just to make sure, so there's not nonprofit for independent assisted living And then there's for-profit. And is there any other layer mixed in there?
There isn't. Most of the communities that are senior populations are for-profit. Very few are nonprofit. So typically it's, you know, it's a for-profit organization, large, large organizations, whereas this nonprofit is a little bit smaller. And I think people gravitate to that. It's also Christian-based. So I think that has another component that is really interesting for people. And it's just, it's a different feel when you're in this community versus a lot of the other larger ones.
I just noticed, hold on Debbie, I just noticed that I have the debate that there, I just switched it off. I use this for a true crime. So I don't want anyone to think that. Okay, so.
What kind of show is this, Adrienne?
This is gonna be an educational show because I think there's so many questions regarding, you know, when you're— when a family member is ready. And first, my first question is independent assisted living. Like, immediately my brain wants to go to, okay, those that are over 80. But may I ask what your youngest may be that you have living there?
Yeah, early 60s.
See?
Yeah. So a lot of the independent communities are 55 and over. So it's kind of an interesting dynamic because you've got a lot of the adult children who are looking for their parents. But you've also got those adult children that are looking for themselves as well. So we're 62 and over unless there's a specific need, then they could go come in a little bit sooner. But for the most part, it's a 62 and over. There are several components. It's independent living where residents come in and they get a little bit of services and they get to be part of a larger community. So many of them have lost their friends and they're lonely and isolating. And then there's the assisted living side for people who actually need help with their daily living. And then there's, of course, memory care for Alzheimer's and dementia and people who have some cognitive issues as well. So it's kind of 3 parts to the senior living world.
Yeah, I, I want to just pull out the website too so people could see how beautiful it is and so that we can— okay, and then that is right there. Oops, I'll make sure I've got everything looking good. Yeah, I just, I don't know, I think, feel like that's important for people to understand the difference because you can have an active life, right, but still live in independent or assisted living. And can you explain a little bit more on the difference? I know you had mentioned some of the extra care, but is there anything else that's definitely like a separation between the two?
Yeah, the independent residents will come in very independent. They come and go as they please. We're not necessarily doing any hands-on help for them. They are full kitchen, so they're able to cook, but they get those services that, you know, they may not want to cook anymore. They have the restaurant on property. They don't want to take care of their lawns and their big houses. And a lot of them have stairs and they're living alone and God forbid something happens. No one's around to witness that. I've had people who tell me they lived, you know, in their bathroom on the floor for 3 days because they couldn't get help. So communities like this offer that extra support and comfort to know that someone's around all the time. But they are here independently. They come and go. They still drive. People still work. They volunteer. But it's just that comfort level of having eyes on them. And then we do provide— we do have a restaurant and dining room so they can have their meals. And we do housekeeping for them. And then assisted living, you know, goes into really hands-on care. They might need help getting to the dining room or an activity or helping getting dressed every day. So those are kind of the two components. And then of course, memory care where people have some cognitive issues. A lot of times they can still be pretty independent, but there's that fear of the unknown. And we don't want them, you know, going out onto main roads or, they want to, we want to make sure that they're safe. So there's kind of 3 components to that senior living lifestyle, if you will.
So there's, I mean, to me, there's a cost whether you have your, a family member at home. And one of the, one of the, like, the costs to me, the most expensive cost is that they could leave the house and become a Silver Alert because you may not have the proper ways to secure a senior and you may not necessarily know what you're doing or you have to bring in help. With Fellowship Square as a not-for-profit, are you also receiving funding from donors and the community?
Yes, so they can sign up for a grant and help them subsidize their monthly rent. We tend to be, because we are a nonprofit, we tend to be a little bit less than a lot of the larger communities that, you know, have these corporate, you know, there are 1,200 communities. We have Phoenix, we have a couple of properties, and then I'm the only one in Tucson here, Fellowship Square. So yeah, it's kind of an all over, but our prices tend to be a little bit better because they can get grants and help them pay for the cost that they need. And, you know, honestly, Adrian, we find that a lot of times when we do a side-by-side and what people are paying in their home, versus what they can pay here, a lot of times when they're getting these services, it's cheaper to be out of their house. So not only having that security, but also it can end up saving them money in the long run.
And we talk about socialization for our children, right? And like, if you homeschool, make sure you still get your children out there so they can meet other kids. But it does— it's the same, well, throughout our whole life, but as seniors, What is the importance of their actually making connections with those that are, you know, maybe experiencing the same kind of loss or, or, you know, ready to get out there and have a good game of pool?
Right. And, you know, a lot of times, you know, they, they'll come in and they're, I'm not moving, I'm not that old. They may be 90, but I'm not that old. I'm not going to live there. When in fact they get here and they realize, oh my gosh, this is, this is a whole new lifestyle for me. So I always say, you know, it's about the lifestyle. It's, it's, Keeping people safe, certainly, but it's a, just, it's a lifestyle adjustment a lot of times. And whether they're independent or they need assistance, it's just a different, different environment, different lifestyle. Keeping them safe, safety is certainly key. But when they're isolating at home, it's just not healthy. And a lot of times, 80, 85-year-olds, they've been living in their home for 40 years. Their neighbors are now gone and they're isolating. So that just exacerbates that whole process of aging, right? I mean, they're living by themselves. They're not getting that socialization. They may not be eating well. And what communities like Fellowship can offer is that whole new piece for them. It's a whole new environment. They've got friends that are peers, friends that have gone through the same thing that they did. They're leaving their home of 35, 40 years sometimes. Kids are doing their own thing and they're now with their peers and they're, they're with people who have also gone through the same thing, so they're able to relate and just have an incredible lifestyle change that's really beneficial for them health-wise. We see an amazing change in people when they come from living on their own and then coming to community like this. They just thrive. It's just, it's just a great— and the adult children feel better about it too. Hard for them. They don't always want to, you know, they feel guilty. And then once their parents are here, they're like, oh, why didn't I do this sooner? So it's a cyclical environment.
I can totally understand that. You know, it's funny because I think of Tucson, and you know, Florida is called the Sunshine State, and I always said it doesn't make sense Tucson has the most sun. And you know, growing up, it was always doctors saying, oh, you should move to Tucson, the air is fresher. But on the other hand, it's so hot in the summer, it's crazy. And I'm like a worrywart, so I think if I had my parents— I mean, that is difficult in itself because you really are kind of like stuck home when in the heat of the summer. But here there's so much activities. Can you describe the place? I want to look at some pictures, but I'd love to hear like the amenities. So let me see, is there any photos here that we could share? I love this. Okay, we'll stop right here because even that's just so beautiful. So if you wouldn't mind, share, like, what is a— like, we'll talk fun for a minute before we go into anything more serious. What is there? I saw pool table.
Yeah, so that's a full activity program. And the beauty of this community is we have some that are resident-run and some that are run by our activity team. So constant motion. Residents have so much they can do on a regular basis. And, you know, they can choose not to, or they can choose to participate. But I see residents constantly— we're on 22 acres, by the way— so I see residents, you know, dashing to all of their activities and full activity program and beautiful dining room area. But there's things like tai chi and yoga, and, you know, a lot of it, some of it is Christian-based, but that's by choice. It's not forced, but just a lot going on. We have 5 pools on the property.
Wait, wait, wait. I think I heard 5 pools.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me?
No, no.
Are they all adult only? That's a joke. I said, are they all adult only?
No, they can bring their grandkids as long as they're with them. They can bring their, their adult children or their grandkids and visit. But yeah, there's 5 pools on the property, therapy pool. So it's a large campus, 22 acres. It's just you don't feel it when you're inside the community because it's just, it's kind of condensed once you're in, but it is 4 different buildings and just a very active, vibrant community. Assisted living and independent living. We don't have memory care, but just very vibrant and just a lot going on for them. And I think people don't realize sometimes that communities like this existed. I looked for places for my parents, which got me into to the industry, because I didn't know places like this even existed. So very vibrant, very active group. Lots of exercise, some mind games, you know, just lots to keep them active and vibrant in their aging life. I love—
so if I was a quilter, or if I knitted, I could run a class. Yeah. And then that keeps my brain going, and I'm having fun teaching. Rudy, Rudy, I'm talking to you, honey. This, this is where I want to go. You know, I got— I was lucky because I always worked for, for the family business. I sold to assisted living centers and chambers, a lot of meetings at assisted living. So I've seen them all. And honestly, why wouldn't I want to end my life and vacation? I mean, end my life, but enjoy my life. Like, to me, it always looks and feels like you're on vacation every single day.
Right. It's, it's a, it's a cruise on land. I always call it because it is an all-inclusive. There's so much going on. And, you know, I think the stereotype of the years ago, and we had my grandmother in one, you know, 50 years ago, because the stereotype is I'm not going to that place where there's white walls and tile floors and I have to eat dinner with 10 other people. I get the same meal and then lights out at 6 o'clock and we do the same thing the next day. And I think a lot of times, unless families and future residents really understand what this population can do and thrive in this environment, it's just, it's a wake-up call. They don't realize a lot of times that places like this existed. And I didn't know until I got in the industry 18 years ago that these types of communities, we see longevity with people other than isolating and being in their homes. Their lifestyle just completely changes. And the longevity of their life is just incredible. We see such a change in people. I remember a gentleman that had actually moved his loved one into a community I was at. 2 months later, I did not recognize him. He just— his color was back. He was just so active. And I literally stood in the parking lot and cried because I just felt like he had his life back. He knew we were taking care of his wife. But just to see that change in someone, we see that a lot. Not only family members, but the residents that are here, they just have a vibrant lifestyle. And it's unfortunate that a lot of times they come kicking and screaming. They don't want to do it. They don't want to leave their house. They don't want to leave, you know, their children grew up there. So, you know, it's a hard balance, but I think that once they're here and they live it, it's, it's, it. It's an eye-opener for sure.
I have so many questions. First, where, where, what part of town is Fellowship Square located?
We're on the east side, so kind of midtown.
Okay, so beautiful. And then, so what if, what, what if the husband said, you know what, I'm gonna sell my house and I'm gonna move in too? Is that, is that a problem, or—
No, not at all. No. And a lot of times that does happen. Or if they're, you know, moving to memory care, then I have a situation now where I'm moving husband into Fellowship Square. Wife is going into a different community because she has memory issues. But he's like— I saw him the other day and I just saw this color come back in his face and he's just so excited about moving. And when I met with him 2 months ago, he was drained. He was exhausted. And again, you know, communities like this really keep people— they're different lifestyle. You know, they're these vibrant communities that people— I don't think they understand a lot of times that we exist. But I have seen physical changes in people when they either have a loved one in a community or they're moving to a community themselves.
What about the love of the fur babies? What happens with fur babies?
They get to bring them.
They do? Do you have any limits, a size limit, anything?
We do, because we're such a large community, we do have a population of pets that are— they have to be about 25 pounds for dogs unless they're service dogs. Then we can allow any, any. So a lot of times we, you know, a lot of them are service dogs for residents that are aging, right? So they can bring them any weight, but otherwise it's 25 pounds. And we have dog parks, you know, all the dogs are playing. I go come in in the morning and they're all playing in the dog park. It's very, very cool.
Even that socializing and cats too?
Cats as well, birds, yep.
Oh my God, that is so special. Okay, so how many? Oh, so can you describe the unit for me?
Sure. We have everything from studios to one bedrooms and two bedroom, up to two bedroom, two bath. So anywhere from 400 square feet up to 1,100 square feet. Wow.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yeah, full kitchens. Some of them have washer dryer hookups in them. So it's really their own unit. And the beauty of this community is everything opens from the outside. We're over 50 years old. So residents feel like it's their home versus going down a long hallway trying to find their, you know, their door. This way it's all outside, so they enter from the outside, so it really makes it like, like their own home. Very comforting for them.
Oh wow, wow, that's interesting. So wait, do you have like, so for the 2-bedroom, I'm thinking, well, I would love that for a husband and wife, give me my own space, but family, sisters, brothers?
All of that, yep, it can be any combination, especially in independent living. There's really not a lot of restriction. As long as they can come and go as they please and they don't need any hands-on help. But we do have kind of an à la carte menu where they can choose some things and still stay very independent in this community, which is very different. Usually it's independent or it's assisted living and that's it, or memory care. But in this community, we can still offer them a lot of the services and they're able to stay in their independent apartment, especially if they maybe go to the hospital for a week and they just need services for for a short time, then we're able to help them.
So you were saying that, and I'm like, oh wait, okay, so you have Cottonwood, Mesa, Tucson, and Mesa. I'm saying it right, Mesa or Mesa?
Mesa.
Mesa. Phoenix, Surprise, always a funny town for Tucson. Oh, I know where you are. Oh, oh, I love it. Oh, I love it, love it, love it. Okay, I do have some more questions, but I just wanted to see And then also some of— so not Tucson, but some of the communities have memory care, you're saying?
Correct. Yes, we don't here, but some of them do. Yeah.
Oh, wow. Okay. I have another question for you. Let me— I want to pull it, put it back on the picture. Okay. There. Okay. So, so for those that are looking for space to hold a meeting or have a nonprofit and are looking for space, do you have— do you have rooms for spaces?
We do. We have a beautiful area where I think it can hold about 200 people. So a lot of times people will have, well, you know, we'll hold events, but they can, they can use that space. We also have private dining room which they can bring in their own, you know, especially for a birthday or an anniversary. They can bring things in and chef can always make food for them. They can bring it in, but there's a lot of spaces on our 22 acres. That they can utilize those spaces and have their own friends here. And again, the apartments, they're 1,100 square feet for our largest one. So it still allows for some entertaining in the apartment as well, but there are beautiful courtyards. So every, we're 4 villas. So every villa has its own pool and its own courtyard. So they can kind of entertain within their own, I feel bad.
Hold on for one second. I have, um, hold on, I feel bad. I, I have, um, a client of mine, but I will handle it in a few minutes. What— so, okay, so I have to ask the question: chocolate chip cookies, do we have them? Yeah, do you have— are they just absolutely delicious?
Everything here is absolutely delicious. They do a great job with their food, and, and the We offer 15 continental breakfasts and 15 lunch or dinner every day for independent residents because again, they're, you know, they have full kitchens, but it's, it's an entree. It's 2, it's a salad, a soup, dessert, a drink, and, and 2 sides. And a lot of times people are like, I, there's no way I can eat all that, but the food is incredible. I've not had anybody complain about our food. Or any of that. And then we also have a little bistro, separate restaurant as well, that they can go in.
Wait, do you sit down to a menu at every meal? Yeah. Oh my God, this is what I want. This is what I want. So people have to really do their financial planning. You really have to save and then let your family know what you want. Um, because I, I, I, I don't know, but this— I'd like— I've always felt this way, that I— this is what I want, because I love that um, that style living, right? I just think like, I call it like a resort style living. You've got everything there. I love it. Let's talk about safety because, um, you know, there, there's— we think about seniors. I see so many Silver Alerts out there. And, um, like, for family members that you could understand, right? Like, you know, I want to keep my home, I want all my children and grandchildren to come in But can we just really talk about the safety? Because you're in Tucson and some people can live in areas that are very remote, could be dark. I lived over in the Catalina Foothills myself, and it's just, you know, again, the, the weather that, you know, even taking a walk outside, you got to be careful of the javelinas. They're scary, the snakes, all of that. So let's give some practical safety tips for, for seniors. And for family members to try to understand the need to keep your, your— so if we already say money may not be the issue, so take the money aside, let's talk about the safety piece of this.
Sure. Um, so we happen to be a gated community. Um, so we are now putting in, um, we have pedestrian gates. So each of our villas have a separate gate, so they have to use a key to get into the community. And now we've done exterior gates, so drive-through gates are going to be— they're installed. We're just waiting another couple of weeks for the final pieces. So safety and security— we're on the east side, it's very busy, we're on Broadway, so a lot of security is in place. We have— this is the only community I've been at that has security 24/7, so there's always someone on the property in the security security office. Another thing that we do a little bit differently is even our independent residents will have a pendant that they can call for help, which a lot of communities they don't have, you know, unless you're in assisted living or memory care. But our independent residents can also have that security as well.
Is that like around the neck?
Yes, or it could be wrist or neck, but they're able to call for help and security responds immediately.
What questions— so, so if someone was like when you were in the beginning, What questions now would you advise, you know, like whether it's a spouse, partner, spouse, or a family member that's looking to help their, their loved senior ones? So like, what, what should they be asking? What are the questions?
I think number one, you know, and again, and I did this with my parents many, many years ago, but I think number one is longevity of staff. How long has the staff been in place? Because I think in this industry I've seen, you know, anywhere from 6 6 months to 18 months. Staff is moving around constantly. And I understand, you know, it's, it's my friend lives, works over here and I want to go work with her or they're offering me $3 more an hour, whatever that looks like. So I think the question really is longevity of staff. Our average staff member has been 10 years and over here, which is unheard of in the industry. We have a gal in the dining room who's been 30 years. Housekeeper who's been here since we opened. So I think longevity of staff is key because what does that say? You're taking care of your team members who are going to take care of the residents, right? So I think that's really a key component. And also the safety side of it, you know, do you offer a pendant? Is it a gated community? You know, especially nowadays with all the hype in Tucson right now, you know, you, you want to make sure your loved one is safe and when they're in their home by themselves, they don't have those safety things in place a lot of times. So I think communities like this offer all of those safety features, but, and what's going on, you know, activities are super important, keeping our minds busy. So what does the activity program look like? And certainly, you know, the meals, again, I think that's important. I've been in communities where, you know, residents don't even eat. Their families are bringing in food ordering food or they're DoorDashing because they won't even go to the dining room. My dining room is full all the time here, so I think, you know, the key components are what is the safety and, and the food certainly is important and the activity program. Is there exercise? Is there walking clubs? How are they going to be? You know, this is— you need to be in a vibrant community as we age. We want to keep moving and what do those look like? So I think those are the key components. When people are looking for communities, those are the questions that I asked. But I always, you know, I always talk about that. If they— they'll say to me, what am I not asking? And a lot of times, you know, those are the key, really the key issues that I think is the reason why people should be in a community like this.
Cameras?
We don't have— we do have exterior cameras. We don't allow cameras in the apartments, but yes, we do have security. And again, we have on-foot security and they have golf carts. So they're driving around all the time.
Amazing. What about housekeeping inside the apartments?
Housekeeping for independent living, it's every other week. And then for assisted living, it's every week. So they're going in and cleaning the apartment. And again, that's that little extra security for families knowing that someone is going to be in that apartment, even though they're independent, someone's going to be in that apartment. And, you know, a lot of times the housekeepers will go to, you know, our staff and say, you know what, I really didn't like what I saw in that apartment. And, you know, they'll kind of keep an eye on them. So even though people are here independent and we're on this huge campus, there are people that have eyes on them all the time. And, and the beauty of being in the dining room too, so they've kind of watching them.
I love this. What about furniture? Do I bring my own or will you decorate for me?
They bring their own. There are rental community companies, but usually, you know, we want it to be their own. This is their home. And a lot of times they're coming from out of state, so they'll— we'll set up rental companies for them, but we want it to be their own. You know, this is their home. That transition is not easy. You know, these people have been in their homes 40 years and they grew up, their kids grew up there, and there's this whole component of I'm not leaving my house. So you want them to have their, their own things around them and make it their own.
I love that. Wait, so what if, what if my mom had a 2-bedroom and I have a 6-year-old and I want to visit my mom with my 6-year-old? Am I able to?
Yes, absolutely. And we also have guest suites. So we have a number of guest suites available for very nominal cost. So if, if they have even a smaller apartment, you know, let's say they have a 1-bedroom, but daughter, you know, and granddaughter want to come visit for a week, they can rent a guest suite, but they're certainly welcome to stay in the apartment as well.
Are you always like, are you 100%? What's your occupancy?
I know we stay about occupancy. Yeah, we stay about 95% regularly. Wow. Yeah, and, and a lot of times, you know, it's people who need memory, and we can do some memory impairment, but Keeping in mind, again, 22 acres on Broadway, we wanna make sure people are safe. So if there are cognitive issues that we find, maybe it's not as safe as they should be, then we work with other communities, but for the most part, yeah.
Deb, I want a love story. Give me a love story. Is there any love, new marriage created, love story? Someone met someone else and—
Many, many times I have had 90-year-olds come in. I don't want any part of that anymore. I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna live independently. And then 3 months later, oh, I see them in the dining room. But I've been at weddings of 90, 95-year-olds in communities. It certainly happens, but it's, it's really fun to see that happen and even just to have them make friends, you know. And a lot of times, again, people are in their own home, they've lost all their friends, certainly lost a spouse. I have a gentleman who's moving in who just lost his spouse, and he had no intention of coming in. He was going to stay in his home, lost his spouse, called me and said, when can I move in? So, yeah, so I, you know, those are, those are heartfelt stories for me. And again, doing this 18 years, I could go on and on for hours.
Is there a chapel?
There isn't, but we do have a chaplain on property who is here, but there is not a chapel. But we do have a chaplain because we are Christian-based, so we do have Chaplain Al here and they can access him anytime they want. He's very kind and just a wonderful, wonderful man.
So are there services?
There are. There's non-denominational and Catholic services.
Are they also— they're holding like the community room or the— yes, that's nice. Oh, I love it. Is there any question that I didn't ask you that I should be asking you?
You've actually done a really great job at asking questions. I'm just trying to think, you know, I just think again, the communities like this take away the stresses of people having their own home, right? And the worry that the adult children, you know, they have their own lives, right? A lot of the adult children are now, you know, getting ready to retire and they want to enjoy their grandchildren and they want to, maybe they're still working or they wanna travel, but they have to worry about mom, dad, grandma, whatever that is. Communities like this give them that option, that peace of mind. And I always say, you know, they, I hear a lot of times people will say, well, my mom raised me, now I have to take care of her. And I always say, wouldn't it be nice to not be the caregiver and be the adult child again or the grandchild again? So you let us take that piece away for you, and then you can enjoy your mom or your dad or your grandparent again without having to be worrying about them taking medications, running to their home when, you know, when you don't hear— they don't answer on the first ring, or have they fallen? And all of those stories kind of disappear when, when residents are in a community like this. So I think a lot of that component with the adult child is a lot of guilt. I had it. I really wanted them to be in my home, but I, I had a full-time job. I was raising a child. I couldn't have them there. What do I do? And that's how I got in the industry ultimately. But I think that component of— and that really hits home, that resonates with a lot of adult children. When I say, but wouldn't it be nice to be the daughter or the son again? And you can come visit your mom whenever you want, but you know that she's safe. You're not gonna walk in the door and find her on the floor or worry, or what would that 2 o'clock phone call— I mean, I would stay awake nights worrying that my mom didn't feel well and waiting for that 2 o'clock phone call from the EMTs. So I think there's kind of that component that I think people really need to understand and bring them to a community. They come in digging their heels in, you know, they don't wanna come here. And I always say, let them have a meal, let them talk to residents, come to an activity, let them feel the community before you say, okay, this is what we're doing.
I don't understand though, because they are taking care of their— so if they say, she raised me, I want to, I want to help her, but you're taking care by making sure. So I was like a little confused. I'm like, wait, it is taking care. You're— it's just a different way because you're right, that stress and that can come out to anger. And some of us, including me, I like to identify— I identify with Nurse Ratched or Nurse Nightingale. Nobody wants me to take care of that. I don't want myself to take care of me. So I always tell my husband, good luck, because I don't even take care of me. I don't care. I'm like the worst, but I'm honest with it, right? Because I recognize it is not easy. I was so scared of my parents. Like, I was so scared that I would drop them. I didn't know, even when they taught me, like, this is how you do it. Give me babies, give me a million babies, I'm okay. I don't do well with seniors because they make me really nervous because I'm afraid, because I'm not licensed to take care of a senior. I don't know what to do. When my mom fell, my mom fell, she was completely naked. It wasn't funny, but in the bathroom, but she fell on top of the aide, and my mom was like, at this point very heavy. And so the only thing I could think of, Deb, was I had to cover my mother up because she was— she was naked. And the aide was like, help me, like, get your mother off of me. And I'm like, girl, I don't know what I'm doing, you know. I, you know, then you want to call 911. No, no, don't call, I can handle it. And I'm like, my most stressful time was my parents were there.
Yeah.
And they wouldn't move out.
And it's unfortunate because a lot of times people have to go through that scenario before they say, okay, it's time, Mom, we need to have this conversation. Dad, we need to have this conversation. I mean, I did it, you know, I had to take my dad's keys away. I mean, that was the worst thing, but I had to say, you know what, you were driving the wrong way on a major road in Tucson. I'm taking those keys. Um, you know, so that's, that's a difficult— it's a difficult conversation for sure. But when things like that happen and you realize, I can't do this, I'm not trained for this, It kind of has a different— it has a different feel to it for sure.
And senior parents, don't do this because my parents, for some reason, they were like— they like made a promise to each other like, we'll never do that. And then they made a really weird promise like, don't ever get me a hospital bed.
Oh.
And so when my mom was getting heavy, the aides were like saying to my dad, we need help, we need a hospital bed, we need to lift your wife up. And my dad would cry and he— I promised Gloria that I wouldn't do that. But it was like But life changes, and promises made can be like— they sometimes they have to be broken. But here that you have, um, in the assisted, they probably have the hospital beds that'll— that allow for being lifted up, more comfort. So, right, I, I, I really do get it because I remember when my mom had fallen and I— they were, they were— oh, I really so badly wanted my mom to— I mean, I guess I wanted to live there, but at that point I was already— I was young. But, you know, I totally get it. So I hope that this kind of lays some eyes on more people. And Tucson, Rudy, this looks like a beautiful place for Mama. And, and just, just being able to take care of them so you can— I think it's a beautiful thing. I don't understand, before I let you go, it's interesting to me how some countries do not have assisted living and senior care housing. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of countries have that, you know, again, I— they've raised me, I'm going to take care of them until, you know, they pass away or I can no longer do it. But I think in a lot of countries that is an issue. And I think that's really how assisted living started in the United States is there was a company that they didn't want to have their parent in their home because they couldn't care for them. The first assisted living started, I wanna say maybe 40 years ago. And that's how really assisted living kind of came to play, was this couple who had parents that were aging and they just didn't know what to do. So they became caregivers and they went to school and they did all their training. And lo and behold, we now have senior living, which didn't exist, right, years ago. So I think a lot of that is, and it is a concern because you don't know how to pick them up. Obviously, as we get older, our bones are more fragile and brittle and you have to be careful. So I think the beauty of having places like this really save people's lives, honestly.
I love it. I love it. I think that you, Debbie, are doing like God's work. And I also think that, that everyone that has, is in your position should really talk about it more, get on the podcast, share the information, because at the end of the day, it's all about keeping family members safe and secure. And I, I just cannot stand when I see a silver alert. It's just so, so sad. I know, I know. It's just so sad. Keep your puppy. I like the whole thing. It's just so beautiful. Um, oh wait, do they do some of these in independent? Do they drive? Do you have a van that goes to like the mall? I don't even know the mall, but like stores.
Um, what is the mall lately, right? And we have Amazon. Um, yeah, we do. So we have transportation. We go to doctors too. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays within 7 miles of the community. And that can be testing, that can be dialysis, whatever that looks like in their world. And then we do 16 different retail runs throughout the week. So all of— wow. Yeah. So Walgreens, CVS, you know, Trader Joe's and Sprouts and Target, Walmart. So they do all of that. So it's funny because when I pull into the parking lot, I see like all of this dust on cars because I'm going to bring my car and I need to have my car, and then they never use it once they're here because we're out and about so much. But we have several vans that will take them to really anywhere they want to go. But specifically, we will go to do retail runs, food stores, and physician appointments for them.
I'm glad I asked you because I think that that is huge too, because that's where I hear a lot is, you know, someone said, well, I got, I got to do this and I got to do that. And it always is kind of said, not like I get to go shopping. But I want to say one other thing because I did have a little bit of a fight with Sean, who was my parents' aide. I did not like the fact that she would leave them in the car alone— yes, the air was running— and walk into a store. And I was like, what is the difference between my parents and a child? Like, I don't see a difference. They're vulnerable. Someone holds a gun to the window and has her body and says roll down the window. My parents are probably going to roll down the window. I would roll down the window. So can we just give that safety tip, please? Because I just don't—
I don't like it. And I agree with you. You know, we talk about dogs all the time, right? Don't leave your dog in the car. Don't leave your dog in the car. And then you see these people leaving their children, which— or vulnerable adults in the vehicle. Well, let's talk about Arizona. It's 101 here today. So, yeah, I mean, I just— I think people, they don't realize that the air conditioner is going, then it's okay. But to your point, somebody can come to the window, or let's face it, get in the car. If the car is running, they can hop in the driver's seat and steal your parents, certainly your child. So yeah, I think that that's always an issue, certainly in Arizona with our heat, right? But I think that absolutely needs to be addressed, that people should not be left in vehicles at any age, right? But certainly our vulnerable population. You know, bring them into the store. I get that it's not as easy for you. Here's an idea, don't bring them. But, you know, I think it is, it's a huge issue here in Arizona for sure.
Because that's probably the only chance that they get to go out, which is another reason why you would want to discover a life at Fellowship Square, because that if you feel like going grocery shopping is the only socialization and that is enough, that is completely not enough. So Deb, I love what you're doing. I'm so glad that we're talking. I'm so, so glad. And so I'll have all your show notes in there so people will do it. And I am really, really happy that we talked. I think this was a really important conversation because we want to protect our seniors. So thank you so much for being here. I love you. I'm so grateful. I'm grateful for the work that you're doing. And of course, people don't understand Tucson, 101 degrees. Rudy told me that. Oh my God. And it's March. Like, is that— that's not even normal.
I know. And I'm on 22 acres. Did I mention that? Touring outside, but it's, it's just, it's beautiful.
I'm sweating right now.
But we're not shoveling snow in September, right? Or April. So I guess that's the good side of it. But yeah, certainly.
I guess you go to Mount Lemmon. Was there a big— was Mount Lemmon fun? Like, did they have a lot of snow days or?
They did not get a lot of snow, I don't think, this year.
Oh, that's a shame. It's such a beautiful area. I miss— I'll be back. I'm gonna come visit, um, sometime around, um, I don't know, I gotta figure it out with the fall. I still do my trusted house sitting, so I love that. City for Pets.
Well, let me know if you get into town.
Definitely will. Are you kidding me? And for anyone that wants to interview, interview Deb. Do it yourself because this is important conversation. All right, I'm going to end the stream. Thank you so much. So great
