Catherine Bell: Foster Care Advocacy and Resilience in the Digital Age

Welcome to the Legacy All Stars podcast. We feature inspirational stories from people who dedicate themselves to helping others. Here is your host, Alan Pavloski.

All right. Welcome to the Legacy All Stars podcast where we celebrate extraordinary individuals making a lasting impact. I'm your host, Alan Pavloski. You can find all episodes atlegacy All Starspodcast.com Again, please subscribe and enable notifications so you're notified immediately when new episodes are released. Before I tell you about our guest today, I have to say that occasionally someone comes into my life that makes an immediate and indelible impact. Today's guest is exactly that person. You can typically find her and I geeking out over Passive Income Strategies or AI. But today I want to provide a glimpse of the superhero that I have come to know and her uncanny ability to do well while doing good. In this inspiring episode, we sit down with my good friend, Kathryn Bell. She's a three time best selling author, an entrepreneur, a dedicated advocate for foster care and adoption reform. Kathryn's personal journey from a challenging childhood in and out of the foster care system to becoming a successful business leader is a testament to her resilience and purpose. And now she's channeling her success into creating lasting change for vulnerable children and families. Welcome to the show, my friend. So excited to see you.

I just hug you.

Yeah, as always. But listen, everything I say is just coming straight from the heart with you. You're just such a generous and giving person and I hope my audience gets a chance to see that side of you and also get to see the personal and vulnerable side. And. And by the way, everybody, I've brought my box of Kleenex with me to this episode because Kathryn Bell is just an absolute superhero with an amazing story. So without further ado, let's start by talking about your personal journey and your passion for foster care reform.

I love that. Thank you for being here. And I'm so happy. We just came off of spending several days together at that conference, which was really amazing, which makes this even more special.

Yeah, it's great. So it's always. It's always incredibly special to see you in person because the energy is so real. But let's get started with the first question. What are your early experiences in the foster care system and how did they shape your mission?

So I was officially and unofficially a part of all of it. So I was born to a teenage mother and.

Was in and out of more homes than you can count. Be it family. Not family. I mean, it's just. It was all over And I just lost track. And I ended up going to 13 different schools because of it. And I. Actually, part of the consequences of that is that I didn't learn to read till I was in the eighth grade, but I got straight A's because I learned very quickly. They didn't want you to think. They just wanted you to get the right answer. So I know that speaks to your heart, given all the things you and your wife are up to. So you know what I'm talking about. And so I became extremely resourceful, Right. Like, if I look back at, like, if life is happening for me instead of to me, like, that was a gift it gave me. And being extremely resilient and resourceful and being able to make friends very quickly, because when you're the new kid all the time. Right. Like, that was one of the things. So I always learned to be friends with the biggest, baddest kid in the school because if anybody picked on me.

Yeah, that wasn't me, by the way. So you would have skipped right over me on that one.

Again, you just learn these bizarre survival skills, right? So it's just, you know, you learn how to make friends. And so. Yeah. So, you know, and obviously it has an impact on relationships and emotional development and, you know, just all of that. I raised my younger brothers and was working since I was 13 years old to provide for our family because we would go many days without any food, and it was brutal. And I mean, sometimes the only thing there literally was to eat was, like, a handful of sugar. Like, I literally remember that. And. And I knew this just. This wasn't it, right. And so I ended up working to get my brothers adopted by their father, the respect fathers. And I was headed down a pretty horrible road. And then I ended up getting myself adopted when I was 16, and it literally saved my life.

Wow. Can you define that? Can you describe that process in detail on how you went through the mechanics of doing that?

My birth mother, she tended to use us as pawns. And so we were in and out of, you know, homes and stuff with her and just with all the things. And it had gotten. It had gotten pretty bad. I don't know how deep you want me to go into this.

Long story short, I was in high school, and just given who, you know, you are, like the five people you spend the most time with, who she had surrounded us with were some pretty. Pretty bad people and had me doing some pretty bad things. And at 16 years old, and I knew that this wasn't going to end well. And so what had happened was friends of the family had, funny enough, sent me a wedding invitation, of all things. And my aunt, who was my birth mother's sister, called me. And she's one of my favorite, favorite aunts on the planet. She's no longer with us, but she was. She's the reason I'm such a good hugger. She taught me, my Auntie Barbara.

So she's the one.

She's the one. And why I love hugging today is literally because of her. Because I somehow I knew I was safe when she hugged me. And so that, that's. I think that's why hugs are such a big deal. And if anybody's ever hugged me, you understand. So it's. It's really an emotional thing for me. Anyway, so she calls and she says, you know, why aren't. Why haven't you RSVP to the wedding? I said, I didn't get it. Long story short, it had been intercepted by my birth mother. And so I went and I said, you know, did you know about this? He said, yes. And I'm like, you know, it was my mail. You don't get to do that. And she said, well, if you go, we'll never. I'll never speak to you again. So. To which I said, okay, well, see ya. So I showed up to the wedding and I was clear, I was done. And again, just a horrible path. So I show up to the wedding and all the wedding stuff, all the family, all the, you know, turmoil, like all the things happening. And it was like leading a couple days leading up to the wedding, and, and it was literally the night before the wedding, and I couldn't even be with the level of intensity and the reality of what I was dealing with, you know, where we were living. And I couldn't take it anymore. And so the night before their wedding, I just said to both of them, the bride and the groom, I said, can we talk? And they took me into their bedroom and closed the door because family and all the chaos, so that we'd have like a few moments of just us. And I, I just broke down and opened up about all the things, like I'd literally become a drug mule for the high school.

And because of who we were living with and surrounded by. And I, I couldn't even like. So here's what was crazy. Like, it was like, it's not like I'd even pre determined what I was going to do. I just had to tell somebody. So in this moment of sharing with them what was going on and how awful things Were I blurted out, will you adopt me? And without hesitation.

These two people were like, yes, absolutely. The night before their wedding.

So the wedding's the next day, the whole celebration. Amazing. It was a Saturday. We go through the whole thing Sunday, which is the.

The gift on, you know, the brunch, the unwrapping the gifts, like, all that. So they rush through the whole thing. And rather than going on their honeymoon, these two extraordinary people literally pack up and they drive for 12 hours one way to go get all of my stuff to pack it up to drive 12 hours, all the way back to literally Monday, go down to the school and get me completely signed up and all set up, taken care of. And in school, that. That was their honeymoon. Like, who does that? Who does that?

So extraordinary.

They literally saved my life.

Yeah.

Like.

So.

I love these people. I will never, you know, I feel like I could never thank them enough for what they did. You know, I was able to go on graduate high school, go on to college, and then travel the world and all the things. And to this day, I'm still the favorite kid.

Of course you are.

So if it wasn't for them, the probable predictable future was pretty dark.

Yeah. What lessons did you learn from your journey that fueled your advocacy work?

So a few things. If we actually go. Okay, so several things. So first of all, if kids age out of the foster care system by their 18th birthday, they experience black trash bag day, meaning on their 18th birthday, they're handed a black trash bag, and they're told to put all their belongings in it. And then statistically, they're homeless. 70% of the people who are homeless came out of foster care, which now that despair sends them to drugs, drugs into prostitution, prostitution into being trafficked, trafficked now into, you know, being incarcerated. Right. It's just like, it's a very dark, like, where do I go? No hope. So for me, I was clear inside of my experience.

That could have been very easily me. And so for me, I'm like, it doesn't have to be that way. And just because a family said, yes, I choose you, Yes, I will love you. I was 16, right. And all the, like, you know, was I broken? Did I have a lot of scars and a lot of wounds? Yes, But. But I didn't give them the grief that their kids gave them because I was so grateful to have a family.

That I was, like, the favorite kid and still am again. So all those myths about, you know, these kids are broken and all this. Well, I'm sorry, but all teenagers. All teenagers Will give you grief. Right. I, on the other hand, just didn't give my parents that same grief because I was just so grateful to have a family. So I didn't go through any of that. And so being really clear, like, the way if you look at scientifically, what happens is psychologically and emotionally, when somebody doesn't have a home base to like, even as an adult to come back to, it causes a huge amount of damage in them being able to bond and have healthy adult relationships with other people. So there's. We can bring doctors in and talk about all this and the psychology behind this, but it really is a thing like even giving somebody, like even as an older teenager somewhere where they get to call home for the rest of their life, not meaning that I live there, but, like, I can go back there for holidays, go back there for vacations. Like, I always know I can call my parents. I call them my parents for anything at any time. They will always be there and always answer.

You know, it's that grounding effect. For sure.

It is. And so even when I got married, like, that's who walked me down the aisle, you know, like, they are my. I adopted my twins out of the foster care system. They are my twins, grandparents, like, they are everything to us. And again, even it was just a short period of time, but that period of time literally saved my life.

Wow. I'd love to transition now into your philanthropic initiatives and systematic approach to change, because it dovetails right from your impact of everything that you went through and then how you use that energy to move forward. So tell me about your. Your philanthropic impact and your initiatives. Did you found the Bell Community Empowerment foundation with a specific mission? What was it all about?

My late husband and I, we got married. So Canadian. He's American. We got married in 2001, came to the country with nothing. You know, took his dream, turned it into a multimillion dollar company, and in that time of us wanting to have a family, discovered that, like, this body wasn't producing babies. So what were we going to do? And there's all the different ways of adoption. Well, it was through a church bulletin that we actually learned about this type of adoption in our church. And so we went to an informational meeting and we learned about it. And so there's two separate tracks that you can take. You can become a foster parent or you can become a fosto adopt parent. So what that means is it's two different tracks. So children in the foster care system, a lot of times.

So there's over 500,000 children, US foster care system, 350,000 are available for adoption because the parental rights have been severed. So when the parental rights have been severed, the foster care system acknowledges, like, these children need to be adopted. And so that's the fost adopt. So when you become a fost adopt parent, they are very careful who the children are that they place with you because they want to place a child once and like now let you all flourish and thrive together and create that bond. They don't want the cycling through. So it's a long process of getting approved and, you know, doing the home study and all that. But that's exactly what happened. And it was, you know, it's like I wanted a baby boy and a baby girl, right? Like, that was what I wanted. And they said that it would take forever and we had been trying forever. So forever to me was, you know, all relative. So, so I was like. And so we went through the whole process and all the classes and stuff and nine months, nine months later, it was a Wednesday afternoon and the sun was shining through the window and I just walked in the door from work and the phone rings.

And they said, we have a baby boy and a baby girl.

Wow.

And I just remember, like.

I literally just sat in the middle of the floor like I was, oh my gosh. So then.

The next day we went and met them and there was a surprise. We had a three year old brother. And so we met all of them and immediately fell in love. Just like love. And I couldn't stop holding them.

And the very next day, Friday, we were actually headed to Mexico for a business retreat. So I was like, what do you do? And you can't take the kids out of the country, blah, blah, blah. So they said it's no problem. So they, you know, kept the kids taken care of obviously till we got back, which is a week later. So we literally, the whole time we're on this business strip rather than focus on business. We're like, like crash course on being parents and asking like, oh my gosh, it's happening because we didn't have nine months, right? Like all of a sudden it's like. And I didn't quite think it through. Like, I thought lots of families have three kids. But what I didn't think through is most families go one child, two children, three. They don't go three, which is what I did.

That's great.

We fly in Friday and we literally go from the airport straight to Costco and get all the formula and diapers, like, ah, what do we got to do? And the whole time we were gone, our community was so extraordinary. They literally filled our house with cribs and toys and. And clothes. Like, we came home to, like, oh, my gosh, an instant daycare in our turnkey. Yeah, it was amazing. So then Saturday morning, we wake up and we get to go pick them up, and we call that our gotcha day, and we celebrate this day.

That's amazing.

So this. Happy adoption day. Happy gotcha day. Happy birthday. Happy. Like, happy is just celebration. And so. So that. I mean, the whole experience was. It was magic for me.

Yeah.

I mean, for all of us and for Christopher. So that was how we learned about it from that side. So then fast forward over the years, I kept having this niggly in the back of my mind, and the niggly is, why isn't somebody doing something about that? Meaning, like, all 350,000 adoptable children.

Who.

Why don't people know about this? Why aren't. Why isn't there an initiative to, like, get these kids into homes, like, really intentionally? And I just kept going. And it. It hit me at one point.

I think.

It was about 10 years ago, it hit me, oh, my gosh, it's me. Like, why isn't somebody. Like, I'm the somebody. I'm the one that keeps getting the message, and I need to do something about this. And when I stopped asking, why isn't somebody? And I started saying, wait a second. What if the somebody is me? Because I'm the one getting the message. Wait, what am I not listening to? So then I started listening and going like, okay, wait, if I'm the one, what is it? Right? And so I'm a statistic nerd, right? And so understanding that, I always say, do the numbers. Numbers tell you what to do, right? So 2.1 million families in the United States looking to adopt. Let's just look at the numbers. 2.1 million families. They don't know about this particular type of adoption. Only 350,000 children. When you look at 2.1 to 350, it's an only right? Now, here's the other piece. There's more than 350,000 congregations in this country that are all called to take care of orphans and widows. So what if. What if each church takes on finding one family to adopt one child? We could get this done in our lifetime. And then what if. What if 1% of those children decided to go make a difference in the world because a family said, I choose you. I love you. That'd be 3,500 adults that go out to make an impact like you and I in the world. That to me is worth doing all of this for and why I believe, I believe it's my purpose for being on this planet.

Amazing. Amazing. What are the biggest challenges in the foster care system though, and how are you tackling them? Through policy, advocacy and community initiatives. I know you're talking about churches and trying to get each church to take responsibility for getting one child placed with one family. What is the advocacy side?

Okay, so I'm not dealing with that, just to be clear. I'm just going to come at it from a solution. And the solution is releasing another book. It's going to be an international best selling author book about all of this. And so my nonprofit raises the money and the money turns around and goes to the adoption agencies. So these adoption agencies are nonprofits themselves who are struggling to raise money along with find the families, get the families cleared, trained, all that along with, you know, lining them up with the children that, you know, fit best with their family, they've got a pretty heavy lift. So by me coming in and giving them like being able to bring the money so that now they have the breathing room to go do the work that they're meant to do, now we can get this done. So it's all about us funding the, these very specialized adoption agencies. And the reason I say that is because when families go and do this, try and do this directly with the foster care system.

Just don't like, don't give yourself that brain damage. These adoption agencies, they are the ones who become the Chinese wall between the nightmare foster care system and just being able to bond and be a family with the children. And so like our adoption agency, we still have a therapist who's like literally been the therapist for this entire 20 years with my twins and us. So I can pick up the phone and say, look, here's what we're going through. I don't have to give a backstory I don't like. They know us for 20 years, right? So having that level of community is everything. So that is what we need to do, is just fund these adoption agencies so that they can stay focused on their mission and of literally finding the families, bringing them in the kids, getting everybody matched up and getting them taken care of so that now the families can just stay focused on bonding with those children and not fighting the foster care system that is way overworked, way overwhelmed, and extremely inefficient and ineffective. So that that's how I Go about it. I'm not going to fix the system. That's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to equip these adoption agencies to find the families, work with the churches, all that, so that we can literally get these kids out of that system and get them into families.

Yeah. So we talked about this briefly last week. But, you know, I think also, you know, with my background in sports and sports philanthropy, I think there's a connectivity there where there's. There are some athletes and celebrities that will understand your vision and see it and help support the cause. So I hope we get a chance to work on that together, because that's. It's so crucial.

But you see, we can do it. Like, those are really basic numbers. 2.1 million families to 350,000 kids. We can get this done in our lifetime.

Yeah. The math is mathing, as we say, right? For sure.

Tell me this. Why is mentorship so important for children aging out of the foster care system?

Let's go back to. We're going to talk about me for a sec. So I remember as a child.

I remember. I want to say I was like. I think I was like 6, 7, 8 years old, and I got older. I kept with the same thought, but the thought came to me is, I don't want to grow up, because when people grow up, they get more stupid. Like, that was my observation as a child.

Why'd you look at me when you said that?

Pardon?

Why'd you look at me when you said that? Yeah, go ahead.

Well, as a child, I perceive these people to be adults. But as a child, the reality was they were teenagers, you know, making stupid choices, doing the best they could as teenagers, raising children, babies raising babies. But my perception as a child was they were adults. And the older I got, the more stupid I would get, because as a child, I could see the choices that were being made as a child and going like, this is not going to end well. I mean, as a child, I could see that. So that was my perception. So fast forward now, obviously, I'm older and if you're like the five people you spend the most time with, but I'm like, literally, like, born into and surrounded by this level of dysfunction and unhealthy, all of it, that I realized that I. And I had just had a desire. And again, I can't explain it. When I was in first grade, my teacher said she was asking everybody, when you grow up, what do you want to be? And she was going around the class asking everybody and she came to me, and she literally looked at me and said, you know, when you grow up, what do you want to be? And my only answer was, I don't know, but I know I'm going to make a huge difference in the world. And of course, she looked at me and went.

And then walked away. I mean, that, like, crushed me, but at the same time, like, I was like, no, you don't understand. Like, I can't explain it, but that's what I'm here to do. So with that, intuitively, I knew I needed to be around people who could actually show me how to go do this, how to go make this difference. I didn't know the difference I was going to make as a child. I just knew. And so I, in turn, went and sought out different people who mentored me through my life. And I can literally, like, point to so many people, like, starting from my aunt and showing me, like, literally, a hug can do so much healing. Right? Like, all these things. And then intentionally went and got myself developed mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, and just really worked through that. And I'm. To this day, I'm forever grateful for all the people that came into my life and, you know, helped plant, water, nurture those seeds. And I'm clear it's. That's. It's the woman that I am today because of the. All these extraordinary people that played a huge role or even a small role, but the ripple effect was huge throughout my life. And then, of course, you know, I kind of like to read.

Yeah, you kind of like to write, too.

I get lots of homework, but that is another way of being mentored. Right. And so we.

I mean, it's critical because. So here's another piece why this is so important. I just got to share this. So.

When. So Christopher and I were together 20 years and married 18, and he died unexpectedly and very tragically, leaving me a widow and single mom. My twins were 14 and coming into the very prickly age where they weren't going to listen to me. So I intentionally put all these extraordinary people in their life that were saying the same thing, only with a different voice that they could actually hear. Right. And very intentionally making sure that they had just the different skills that they needed to go out into the world. So one of the things that I did was created a family financial mastermind, and different people were involved in all of that. And for two years, you know, I. Yep, I forced my. My 14, and they were 15 and 16 at the time. So for two years, I forced them to Come to my dining room table every second Friday, get their homework done and participate fully. And we taught them financial literacy, communication skills, and relationship skills. And I brought different people and different tools and things in to teach them that. Right? Because the school isn't going to teach it. Right. My husband was gone, like, who else, right? And so I had to find creative ways to bring mentors into their life to, to make it their idea really to become these amazing human beings. And I always said to them, like, my only measure is that you go into the world and you become a productive, contributing member to society. So I don't care what you do, but that's the benchmark. So you figure it out. But that's the benchmark. And so fast forward. My twins are now 20. And when my son's now a US Marine serving over in Japan. So my daughter's floating around living her best 20 year old life right now. And when they were 19, my son calls me from Japan and he says, mom, I got myself into trouble. I'm like, what did you do? He said, well, I got a really big tax bill. I'm like, you make three bucks an hour. How big can this tax bill be? He goes, no, mom, I did what you told me to do. And all the things I learned again through all the whole mentoring, all the books I had them read, all, all the games I had them play, like, all of that, that was all part of their mentor. And he said, I did what you told me to do and I made a quarter of a million dollars as a U.S. marine, 19 years old, serving over in Japan. That is the power of mentoring, be it through books or people or games or interactions or community. Like, I had my kids come around.

That's what we call a happy problem, by the way.

Right? Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, that's tax mitigation. I can help you with that. That is awesome. So super proud of him. But the point being, like, if it wasn't for mentors in my life, that would have, you know, got me to the level that I could teach them. And then me bringing in other mentors into their lives that spoke into their lives so that they made it their idea and did the thing, I'm clear we wouldn't have what we have yet, you know, and to this day, like, I still have mentors, right, Taking me to the next level, and I'm mentoring people to take them to the next level. Like, it's just, it's this beautiful symbiotic relationship on all, all levels. So mentoring is again, we can't help the families that we're born into. And some people have amazing families, some people don't. But we can choose. We can choose who gets to speak into our lives.

Yeah. We can all choose to make an impact on others, too.

Right.

Which is what this show is all about. So.

Right.

Extremely grateful and proud to have you on. What final words of encouragement do you have for those looking to make a difference in their communities, regardless of the issue? What do you. What do you want to say to them to encourage them to get involved?

Two things. If you have that niggly in the back of your mind that why isn't somebody doing something about them? That.

It'S because it's you. You need to stop asking that question and you need to start answering, oh, my gosh, it's me. Okay, now who has already done it and how can I plug into them and do it, get it done faster. Two, we're investors. This is what we do. This is our business. All of it. And here's what I have to say. If you can add commas to your bank account, you must. And you must do it unapologetically because you never know when you're going to be called to make a difference. And yes, money doesn't buy happiness, but I tell you what, it buys a whole lot of support and freedom and the ability to make a difference in ways that we never imagined possible, even if it is giving it to other people, like the adoption agencies, to be able to go do the work that they do. And I can tell you so many stories about that. So again, stop being shameful about how much money you make and lean into it and make it happen so that you can be there to make that difference that you're called to make.

Amazing as always. How can people reach you if they need, if they want to help make a difference or if they want to get a hold of you.

So you can go to my. My AI. My clone. There's a clone of me. So it's KatherineBell AI. You can have a conversation with her and she'll tell you all the things. That's probably the easiest. I'm all over social media. My company is Titan Impact Group. Again, Titan, like being the sentinels of the American dream. Impact is that every project that we touch leaves every person, property and community better than we found them. And then group is that it's about all of us, all of us coming together. And then of course, my books and all the things. But. Or just reach out to you.

There you go. Listen if you weren't inspired by this something, you better check your pulse or go to your doctor. Because my friend Katherine Bell is just the real deal. She's always trying to make a difference in other people's lives. If you want to learn more about me and how I help people, learn about passive income, visit legacyallstarspodcast.com and follow the instructions to schedule a call with me before we end the show. I encourage any, every one of you, everyone viewing or listening to challenge yourself to find your path to making a difference. Until next time, I'm Alan Pavloski signing off for Legacy All Stars.