Darrin Gray: Sports, Philanthropy, and Fatherhood

Welcome to the Legacy All Stars podcast. We feature inspirational stories from people who dedicate themselves to helping others. Here is your host, Alan Pavloski.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Legacy All Stars podcast. Listen. Get ready to be inspired with a capital I. Today's guest is Derek Darren Gray. Darren and I met because he generously and faithfully wrote a $2,500 check to support a sports philanthropy project that I personally led in Indianapolis at the top of the Skyline Club with Clark Kellogg and Israel Adonijay. Darren's a good man doing good work at the intersection of sports, media and mission. You can definitely follow Darren at Darren Gray2020 to support his work at CRU Ministry or by sponsoring his projects like the NFL sanctioned SuperbowlBreakfast.com, allStarBreakfast.com, ProPlayer, Prayer Project.com and many more. He's a great guy. I am so pleased to present one of the finest people on the planet, my good friend and colleague, Darren Gray. Great to see you, my friend.

Well, good to see you, Alan. Face to face.

Yeah. It's been almost a year since we saw each other at super bowl last year.

That's right.

The Vegas experience, indeed.

Well, it's. It's definitely. The weeks that lead up to each super bowl are always extra special because it puts me in contact with so many dynamic leaders like yourself as they're preparing for their own super bowl week experiences. And there's so much missional work that goes on around the super bowl, as evidenced by the event that we host, Super Bowl Breakfast, and the Bart Starr Award, around community service, volunteerism, impact in the community, along with the Walter Payton man of the Year awards and so many other noble projects that happen at the super bowl each year, where leaders like Tony Dungy and Aeneas Williams and so many others are able to lean in to help to make a charitable difference, even as they go about extending their influence in the world of media, mission, sports, etc. So it's a joy to do the work that I do.

Yeah, it's great work, too. I want to start by asking about a very special book. Tell me about what inspired you to co author the Jersey Effect and what core message do you hope readers take away from it?

Wow, you're taking me back. You know, what happened was I'd been helping at the time the head coach of the Annapolis Colts, Tony Dungy, who went on to be the first African American to win that amazing game in a Super Bowl. And, you know, I just got inspired by what I saw happening that season. I was sort of an insider. I lived in Indianapolis, or I still do. Tony Dungy at the time lived in Indianapolis. Side note, his son now lives in Indianapolis. So it's kind of fun, full circle, being connected with Tony. I talked with him earlier today and you know, the neat thing about a longitudinal relationship with the guy as well known as Tony is he's the same on and off the field. He's the same if you're with him on a main stage or if you're with him in a private room or at his home. And it just inspired me to think about what it was that he was doing to help build the fabric of his team. In fact, this is his team. This is a painting that, you know, some folks, if they're just listening, they won't be able to see. But that painting of what it was that he was architecting was just so fascinating to me. So I remember going to his hotel room in Manhattan at the London Hotel, and we sat down before he was headed to the studio one Sunday morning and we just talked about this notion of the Jersey effect, which would break down. How it is that parents and the whole ecosystem around sport could be able to get it right. Academic, athletic, social, spiritual, A multi dimensional approach to understanding. Right. That athletics is about way more than just wins and losses. It's about what you learn in the journey along the way. So I use stories from Tony's championship season. With his permission. He wrote My Forward, which was wonderful. And we began to break down what it was that they were going through in the locker room, the huddles, how was it? What was it like? And ultimately that led to this super interesting season with Tony's fifth best team. Now think about it. This wasn't Tony's greatest team yet. Several others that he talks about publicly being the greater teams. And sometimes the greatest team doesn't always win, but the team with the greatest heart often does. And so that's what I wrote about. We had a great time doing that. And Hunter Smith, my co author, along with many other people from that team, Tarek Glenn and coach Jim Caldwell, who ended up taking the Colts back to the Super bowl in 09 in a really amazing leadership transition as an associate head coach. You begin to see that title around the league. Now, Alan, this notion of the associate head coach, but a lot of that was pioneered here in Indianapolis. I'm just proud to play a small part of it, but help to document, journal and help to tell those stories so it can enliven the imagination of coaches, parents, and other athletes around the country to think about what they can do to be the best version of themselves on the field of play and off the field of play.

Oh, man, I have a great Tony Dungy story from that Super Bowl. I was there. I went to the afterparty. And for people that don't know Tony, you know, he lives like. Like Darren said, he lives off the field the same way he does on the field, and he presents himself publicly the same way he is privately. And the story I got to tell you is that I was with some of the players going into the after party. I came in, Tony was coming in at the same time with the. To the after party with us, but he forgot his pass in his room. And the guard at the front of the after party, at the. At the gate, at the door of the after party, said, I'm sorry, you got to have a pass. You can't come in. And myself and a couple of the players that I was walking in with said, wait a minute, this is Tony Dungy. Are you going to not let him into his own party? And I kid you not, Darren, Tony said, this is pure Tony. He said, look, he's just doing his job. I'll go walk up to my room and get my pass. And I just. I almost shed a tear at that moment, just knowing that I have had the chance to be around and be associated with Tony and Lauren for all those. For some years. And, man, it was a proud moment. It was so amazing.

Great story. You know, I've had that happen going into media interviews with him before, too, where they won't. You know, we'll be at the desk trying to get into CBS or something for him to do a media interview. Of course he works for NBC, but they don't know him as well at other outlets. And he's like, hey, what's his name? And his driver's license is Anthony. And so. Oh, it doesn't match. And it's just funny, you know, as we think about, you know, the intersection of fame and values, you know, the Davey Brown Index indicates that he's known by 78% of Americans on site. It's kind of like a Q score that advertisers use help match their brands with who it is, that would be a great public endorser and the like. And when you think about, you know, being known by that many people on site, not being able to really have anonymity in the way that you and I can in any given day, and yet to do it with Such grace. Wow. That is such a gift to the world. And so we both have been fortunate to have some wonderful touch points with a man as special as Tony and countless others like Israel Adonisay and Clark Kellogg and so many others that we get to do in the work that we do in and around sports, philanthropy, mission, values. What a treat.

Absolutely. Yeah. Hey, speaking of Tony and the foundation, given your involvement with all pro dad, what are the most pressing challenges facing father today and how can they be addressed?

Wow. Tony and I talked about some all pro dad stuff earlier today. You know, the truth is that it's no longer okay for good dads just to father their own children. They need to be mindful about how they father their neighbor's children. Now, the problem is they don't always know their neighbor's children. And so really, it's incumbent upon really good dads, those that really invest in the lives of their children as their most important earthly job, to look around and find the disconnected young people. You know, I did that in my life with a young man named Prince Michael Majestic Johnson. In fourth grade, he kept sleeping over all the time he was with my son Evan, and he was just around. And every time I would take him home, he'd go, my mom's at Old Country Buffet. My mom's at Starbucks. My mom's at Walmart. I would drop him off. And eventually I realized that, hey, you might have some tough circumstances, Prince, and know what? You're always welcome here. In fact, here's a key to the door, and here's a key to your future. Not that I have all the answers, but I'm willing to come alongside you and help to father you. And so I'm pops to Prince, but that happened in fourth grade. He's now a college graduate. He's gang employed. He's living his best life. We love his. His girlfriend. Like, it's just. How is it that we pour into others? So that's really my message. And then from the protege side, that's what I call a mentee, because I don't like the word mentee. But to call them proteges.

Under the mentorship, Sustained mentorship. But really, I want to get a message to them that they need to claim adult role models in their life that they're proud of. What I mean by that is they can't just sit around anymore hoping that.

Good dad is going to seek them out to say, hey, let me help father you. If they're fatherless, they need to be mindful and then walk up to A man tug on his.

Cape a little bit, metaphorically speaking, and say, hey, I'd like to know you and know good minded, right minded, adult guy with children is going to say no to that. It lets them know that there's a need, otherwise they may not be mindful of it. So we need to exhort the proteges to step up and seek men that they are proud of to draw them into their lives and say, hey, take a look. Help me, I need help. Those are hard words sometimes, but they're important. And then that coupled with, hey, make sure to father your neighbor's children and be mindful. And the challenge that you can do and you can go home right now if you've got littles, tell your child to write on a piece of paper his three best friends not to show it to you. And now you got to write on another piece of paper who you think those three best friends are. I've done this exercise thousands of times in very large mass mentoring sessions and in small groups, and rarely do those three match up. And so now they can begin to create sight lines so that you can really reach into your child's community and find ways to invite them in and make your home the it home. Make your home the home where other kids want to be on that Friday night. So they're not out getting involved in nonsense, but they're with you, making sense of who they are, what they stand for, and having a whole lot of fun. And make sure that you have plenty of, of food in the fridge. Oh, yeah, there you go.

Most definitely I want to move on to your faith. How has your faith influenced your professional journey and leadership style?

Man, you know, my faith was forged as a child, but it wasn't really until 1998 at a promise Keepers convention when I made a long walk from up there, down there just to say, hey, God, I want you to take control. As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. And so, you know, it's not been the perfect walk. I'm an imperfect guy trying to live out my calling in and around the world with sports, media and mission. But that has really helped to guide the kind of projects that I get involved in. And I've got lots of flexibility in my life to do that and to make sure that that calling to guide people into sustained relationships with me and others that I trust that are chaplains. Now, if you think about what the word chaplain means, it means to wear the cloak into the private places to minister to the kings and the queens. That's where it all began. And then it went to military context. So the people that are in dire or in jeopardy of their life in the military now, if you think about who the kings and queens are that are battling and literally giving up, right, their safety to play sports, in the case of NFL football in particular.

Where chaplains are now embedded on every single NFL team, finding ways to minister to really the princes and the leaders in our societies. But it's not just the players, it's the players, it's the wives, the girlfriends, the coaches, the whole ecosystem around sport. And that's really why I think chaplains are so valuable in our society today. And it really is just a form of ministry that's done oftentimes in hyper private ways with hyper public people. And that juxtaposition, that, that sort of juxtaposition is really what makes it particularly interesting and in a place that is of, of great value in our world.

Amazing. Thank you for sharing that. What strategies do you recommend for individuals and organizations aiming to make a meaningful impact through philanthropy? And this is a big one for me, so I'm waiting for you to share your amazing answer on this.

Strategic sports or strategic philanthropy? You know, you have to know what your core values are. There are values exercises that, you know, Alan is expert in guiding you through to help ultimately make sure you have internal alignment around those things that you're going to be unwavering in support of so that you can filter out the, the things that aren't aligned. Not that there's not a lot of noble causes in the world, but you've got to know what you stand for. And really, when you think about what a brand is, a brand is who you are and what you stand for and what people say about you when you're not in the room. And so when you get those things clarified, especially from a philanthropic lens, now you can decide how it is to reinvest your corporate and community relations funds, even your PR funds, even marketing budgets and philanthropy dollars from your foundation to help align with those causes. And so I spend an awful lot of my time straddling the fence, you know, between, hey, how do I set up? I've got one here on my desk, right? The chunky All Pro dad pledge, which at one, one level sounds kind of silly, but at another level, you think about, you know, the, the Jerome Bettis and Tony in that case, who we teamed up with. It was a perfect fit because, you know, dads eat chili or eat soup, but how do we then use a values driven approach for them? To begin to shine a bright spotlight on all that. The master brand, in the case of Chunky, which is Campbell's, cared about what a noble corporation. And that's just one example of the thousands of things that I've seen go right in the marketplace when brands align with causes that matter. What do you think?

Yeah. Oh, man. I mean, you, you said the magic word, which is alignment. When your goals and your core beliefs are aligned with your philanthropic activities, that's where the magic happens. Yes, for sure. I want to dovetail that into a very important side note on that same subject. I mean, I want to know from you, because you're, you're an expert on this. How can I have my share as well? But how can sports serve as a platform to positive social change? And what initiatives have you seen succeed in this area?

So many. You know, can I. I'll just highlight right now one that's active for me, Super Baskets of Hope. You know, at the super bowl every year we bring together athletes and children's hospitals and then we take in special guys and yes, sometimes they have last names like Dungy to go minister to or connect with the families of young people that are in pediatric hospitals. Think about what do you take someone that's in a tough place, right? You're really taking them courage, you're really taking them a little bit of joy and the energy that it takes to get through really tough times. And so those are the kind of things that I then find it very easy to align my tribe of NFL players, coaches and alumni with, because they matter in the world. Sports as the platform is what makes it possible to do that in and around the Super Bowl. So I could cite countless projects and promotions that I've seen work in and around the platform of sport, but it really just comes down to the visibility of these men and women that are playing the sport that can then extend that into the marketplace through their own channels. And I call that the democratization of media. In the old days, you had to have a media partner to help to cross promote it. And I still do lots and lots of work in very high level media outlets to help extend stories and still very valuable. We're very grateful for the media coverage that we get. However, now the athlete can use their own platform in many cases with Instagram, Twitter and the whole ecosystem that lies there in the social spaces to go direct to the marketplace. And if you can find that along with a great cause, then virality happens. This idea that the idea can go viral, other people can get involved and Give and make a difference. So it needs to be done rightly. I've seen it wrongly a few times where people make bad decisions. They align with an athlete whose public Persona may not fit rightly with what it is that that cause is. And it could be some cognitive dissonance in the marketplace, so we guard against that. But, you know, in my world, in my case, I work at the good Guy club. I work with the guys that are so noble and true so that they can extend those messages. You understand?

Yes, Darren. I've done my share of damage control, so I appreciate that.

Yeah. Listen, reflecting on your extensive career, this is big because I've known you for a long time, and you've. Your values have always aligned with your activities, and that's one of the things that you talked about today. But reflecting on your career, what achievements are you most proud of and what lessons have you learned along the way?

You make me cry, Alan. I didn't know this one was coming. You know.

I just want to be known as somebody that cares. That was a good dad, right, that. That. That loved his wife 30 years. That. That was faithful even when.

Hard times came and hard times come. Right. I just want to be that guy that. That looks back and goes, man, few ripples came from his career adjacent to folks that. That. That cared also enough to make a difference. And then, you know, the tapestry that I'll never fully know, like, all the little ripples, but that's who I want to be. And, you know, Tony talks about an uncommon marriage, which is. I have my teaching copy right here, and it's so. It's so marked up, but deep in uncommon marriage, like, start there. Like, start there. And then he goes and he teaches a master class on page 128 about how to choose the philanthropic projects that are aligned with your values. And isn't this. I just want to be known as that. And then to have set into place lots of ambassadors that were notable, that look back and say, man, Darren, thanks for inviting me to be at that project. And that's how we met with Clark Kellogg and Israel J. Atop the Skyline Club in Indianapolis, my hometown, as you were doing your sports philanthropy projects that are so noble. Right. And true. Which is why I invested then and I continue to invest now in leaders like you that make a difference. And as we continue to march, I just want to be defined by serving God and making a difference in my own family and the community as I went along.

Yeah, I got chills. Thank you for sharing that. And thank you for sharing Your honest emotion about how that makes you feel, that's powerful. Yeah. Affects me too.

Before we leave, I want you to talk to me about the NFL sanctioned Super bowl breakfast and the inspirational people involved with that.

Come on, let's go. Sold out. All right. Super bowl breakfast. I just got word this morning. You know, it's like these things take a life of their own. It's called the Bart Starr Award. Many people have heard of Bart Starr. He was the winner and the MVP of Super Bowl 1 and Super Bowl 2. So you think of the long arc of what NFL has meant to the world. And right now, you know, by many measures, it's the most influential league in the United States for sure. There's another sport called football that's certainly growing. Soccer is often called in America and I get that. But right now, for this moment in this, for this moment in time, it's being championed by some really amazing people. And I'm just blessed to be a part to help to guide that event. As the media director, I help with a lot of the other things that go on behind the scenes that nobody would know much about. But we'll have a very well oiled program on the morning of February 8th at the convention center in New Orleans, which is going to be super special. Cam Jordan will receive the Bart Starr Award, 38th annual. And we're just grateful that we get a chance.

Yeah, what a great guy Cam is too, man.

You know what, he is just super special. The fact that he was with the Saints. These awards are peer voted. What makes it so valuable is kind of like the Pro bowl in that there's a peer voting mechanism inside of our program. And so these guys are really come to learn how valuable it is to receive the Bart Starr Award to build into their legacy. And so it's a long and storied list that began with Steve Largent years ago and went all the way through. I mean, when I say the Aeneas Williams and the Anthony Munoz's, the Demario Davises and the Peyton Manning and Eli Manning, you just start going, holy smokes, this is a special project. So Tony Dungy will present that award to Cam and along with a cast of former winners like Warwick Dunn and many others that come back every year just to celebrate the next man up this year, Cam Jordan, we couldn't be happier. And for those of you that are listening that have want to sponsor of the event, hey, call me if you want to sponsor into San Francisco next year, Louisiana, the following year. There's all kinds of pathway to get involved. This is a longitudinal game, NFL and we continue to do all the blocking and tackling to make this special award come to the come to fruition each year.

That's fantastic. Darren, I can't wait to see you in New Orleans. I'm excited to get back together. Listen, I want to thank my special guest, Darren Gray. Darren, tell the audience where they can follow you and support your initiatives. We talked about it earlier, but I want you to repeat it so that everybody knows how to reach you.

Yeah, I'll reinforce that. You know, the easiest way is just follow along at Darren Gray 2020. That's D A double R I N G r a y 2020. And I had that, that handle long before the year 2020. This idea that having vision into the future, 2020 vision to see the things that other people cannot, to shine the spotlight on those things that are of his business around his values, to make a difference in the community. Follow along and then SuperbowlBreakfast.com AllStarBreakfast.com ProPlayerPrayerProject.com and many, many other projects that I do as I consult in these spaces to help corporations get it right, help athletes get it right, and ultimately help create the influence that matters in the world.

Hey, I hope this was meaningful for everybody who listens in or watches. Thank you for joining us on the Legacy All Stars podcast. If you want to learn more about me and how I help others build legacy through passive income, Visit me@legacyallstarspodcast.com See you next time.

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